Beautiful Between

living fully in the now & not yet

How to find hope in the darkness of depression

I know it doesn’t feel this way. You might not believe it. But it’s going to get better. It really is. A day will come when you feel joy again. Maybe it will take you by surprise and you’ll wonder at the realization: this wide-open feeling, this laughter inside? That’s happiness. Or maybe it will […]

Discouraged? Ashamed? You need to hear these 5 words

I was twenty and terrified, standing unannounced on their porch on a hot July night. My legs froze and nausea filled me. I felt like every moment was never-ending, like I was eternally dying inside. Before coming, I’d meticulously covered the long gashes on my thighs. I was there to tell the truth, but I […]

This is what you need to know if the darkness never lifts

I sat at a stoplight, trembling with anxiety’s rattle and hum. The sky was bleak with charcoal clouds seemed to mirror my soul. The familiar fog of depression had rolled in and I was weary of the struggle. It was exhausting: wrestling to be whole, never shaking the bone-deep loneliness. The fog formed a dense […]

I love Jesus but I want to die: what you need to know about suicide

I was in California on a business trip, just yards from the beach, eating ice cream and laughing as the conversation drifted away from business. Eventually, somebody mentioned a friend-of-a-friend who had died by suicide. The familiar ache and nausea filled my chest. My insides rattled when my coworker said he didn’t understand what would […]

When hope hurts, here’s what you need to do

I know, it happens every year. I see the photos in my feeds, too: rings and flowers and first looks and all the trappings of idyllic wedding days. I can’t keep track of all the #bestdayever captions, the gorgeous honeymoon photos, or the engagement announcements. As Jessica Faith says, “It can seem like all social […]

After one year, this is why I REALLY love my husband

Micah makes me laugh. He cares for me better than I have ever cared for myself, better than anyone has ever cared for me. He is my complement in so many ways, sturdy and stable in the face of my deeply felt emotions. He is more than everything I’d hoped. There is so much I […]

You are delightful. But you need to learn to see.

I found joy for the first time 10 years ago in a perfect, Parisian spring.  Paris is every bit as magical as you’ve heard, but perhaps not in all the ways you’d expect. It’s still a filthy, crowded urban area. Traffic is ridiculous and there are homeless people in desperate need of help and racial […]

This is why God isn’t waiting to punish you

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After weeks of working, trying to make it better, trying to bring restoration, they finally heard the word of God. The priest read and the Levites explained the meaning for hours, filling in huge gaps in Israel’s collective memory. They have come to rebuild and inhabit Jerusalem after long, hard years of exile. And now, […]

Are we missing something big about the cross?

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It was like hearing the old story for the very first time, there in that makeshift Welsh church. I was living in Paris and it was quintessential spring, with cherry blossoms on the Champs-Elysee and girls in sundresses laying out in the parks. Ten years ago and just like yesterday, you know? But despite the […]

We Don’t Talk About This on Good Friday

For he made him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  2 Corinthians 5:21 We talk about the supper. In still and gentle tones, the last message of a dying man, shared and sung around the table in time-honored tradition. Love […]