Beautiful Between

living fully in the now & not yet

I forgot how to pray. Physical therapy reminded me.

I’m practicing squats when my physical therapist brings the boxes over and sets the yellow pine stack behind me. They only come up an inch or so past my knee. I know what’s coming. “Let me see those squats again.” He’s a former personal trainer and I’m about to get my tail kicked. He looks […]

How to make your home your refuge (it’s not what you think)

He was baffled at my tears, but of course, that made sense. I was just as confused. Stacks of boxes leaned precariously. Piles of linens flopped over the side of an armchair. Our kitchen table was half-covered in pots and pans. And we were trying to find our way through it all. I’d moved into […]

The simple truth about my restless heart: it’s not really about home

I don’t remember how home feels. There’s always just the longing and the missing. There are hints in place, in cities and countries where something gnaws at the inside of my heart. Even so, in those places there is no stability, no consistency, no home. Home is where the heart is, they say, and mine’s […]

How to live a richly beautiful life: 3 simple ingredients

There’s a painful space between what is and what should be, between hope’s conception and fulfillment. We live in this gap with the tension of unfulfilled dreams. The heartache of loss. The sickness of deferred hope. Life isn’t quite what we expected. We’re longing for wholeness or relationships or children, mending grief or marking time in kitchens and cubicles. Amidst soul […]

If you feel like you’re not enough, this is for you

I wanted to talk about when you feel like you’re not enough. I wanted to tell you how I cope and struggle against the innate sense of lack so many of us carry. But as I wrestled with the words, something inside pushed back. As a kid I thought about hiding on recess as a […]

When you’re missing the beauty and just need to breathe

He got on one knee on the lakeshore, holding my hands and my heart. His words were loving and kind; his eyes saw into me deeply. “These past nine months have been the hardest, most redemptive and most restorative of my entire life. I want to spend all of this life and the next loving […]

My body wouldn’t break…so I couldn’t heal

girl sitting on curb

“I’m fine,” I say. I’m regaining consciousness. I feel the heat rising from the blacktop and the sun beating down. My head feels full of sloshing liquid. A panic starts to rise in my chest, a shuddering heartbeat and a trembling in my limbs, but I shut it out. I imagine a door slamming shut […]

The Story I Promised to Tell You

2016 caught me off guard – an unexplained illness early in the year kept me in bed for weeks as winter faded to spring. Somewhere along the way, that illness developed into a numbness, then a shadow, then a shaking. Depression and anxiety found me after a long absence. So 2016 was also the year […]

Why Faithfulness Sometimes Looks Like Stillness

All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness… Sometimes paths of steadfast love and faithfulness lead through dark valleys and places of pain. Sometimes we must give up, relinquish control, simply let go at the worst possible time. Sometimes there is little light at the end of the tunnel, save for what […]

How I Found Surprising Grace in Paris – Part 2

How I Found Surprising Grace in Paris Part 2

Chateau Chenonceau. Photo Credit: Jonathan Perrinet via Compfight cc I only had Him. And He met me there, sweetly and unexpectedly. (Note: This is the second part to the story I started last week about finding surprising grace in Paris. Click here to read part one.) Early April had left me lonely and longing for connection. Parts […]