There’s So Much I Want You to Know

Sometimes you need somebody to shoot straight with you, to talk about the hard things without flinching or looking away. We all need to know we’re not alone in our struggles, and that’s one reason I love Becky McCoy so much. 

She’s walked a road I wouldn’t wish on anyone, one full of grief and sorrow on top of living with anxiety and depression. But in the midst of all that, she’s a voice of hope and encouragement for others like us, speaking directly to the pain we can’t always articulate. 

Today, I’m so grateful to share this honest, loving message of hope from Becky. It’s the perfect combination of a warm hug and a kick in the pants (in the nicest way possible). I hope it encourages you as much as it did me.

There’s so much I want you to know.

I want you to know that it’s okay that it took you this long to realize you’re dealing with anxiety and depression.

It’s okay to be frustrated and discouraged by that.

Or relieved that there’s a reason your brain seems to be constantly malfunctioning.

I want you to know that some people aren’t able to be helpful or loving.

They may not even want to try.

But other people, the special ones, are willing to sit, cry, scream, and light things on fire with you.

(I am absolutely not condoning arson, but sometimes you need to blow stuff up to deal with the darkness inside).

I want you to know it’s okay if you can’t figure it out on your own. 

It’s actually okay if you never figure it out.

It’s okay to take meds.

Or not.

But do find a good therapist.

Even though good therapists are hard to come by.

I want you to know that some days (months? years?) will feel like you’re barely making it.

And maybe, just maybe, there will be times when you don’t feel like you’re fighting yourself at all.

I could tell you about how I had my first panic attack in kindergarten.

Or how I didn’t get diagnosed with anxiety and depression until I was 25.

Or how I feel like my struggles with my mental health have ruined relationships.

But what you really need to know is that you are wonderful.

Your brain is not a liability; your inability to create and manage brain chemicals on your own has not made you a terrible, horrible person.

Your life is not diminished or ruined.

You’re sitting there thinking Gee, Becky, that must be nice. But you don’t know my life. I can’t keep it together. My life keeps falling apart. People tell me I’m fine all the time. I’m not fine. 

Close your eyes and imagine me holding your face or hugging you close. (Or just pretend so you can finish reading.)

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN IS A LITTLE WONKY.

(You’re not a failure at all.)

No amount of effort, knowledge, or faith will fix your brain any more than they could make any other part of your body function the way you want it to.

If it were possible, I’m confident I would’ve figured it out by now.

I hereby give you permission to stop trying.

Stop trying to fix yourself.

Stop trying to approach life in the way you think you should be able to.

While we’re at it, let’s throw those “shoulds” in a bin and light them on fire.

There she goes with the fire again!

Living a human life doesn’t mean proving yourself.

You can’t be awesome at everything all the time.

And life isn’t happening at you – you do get to choose how you respond to each challenge.

Here’s what I want for you: I want you to know that you’re building strengths and developing character you aren’t aware of. And you don’t have to be strong, either. You can just do what you need to do to get through this hard thing right now.

Can you admit that this is really hard?

Ehhh…so many people have it so much worse.

Feel that? That was me pinching you. If this is really hard for you, it’s really hard for you. 

Moving on.

Will you ask for help? I hope you will. We would need each other even if we didn’t have wonky brains.

But, Becky…

Nope. Stop that.

No one has asked you to do this on your own. NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

Who will you tell about what’s really going on the inside?

(Not the “Oh, I’m fine.” version.)

I don’t want to burden anybody with my problems.

(Can you see me giving you a sassy glare through the screen?)

If you are struggling, you get to ask for help.

If you can’t figure it all out on your own, you get to invite people in to help you figure it out.

Find people who can help.

A therapist.

A friend who has shown you they are trustworthy and kind.

Some people will want to wish your pain away out of their love for you.

Or out of their own discomfort.

Keep going; you’ll find the people who are not only willing, but honored to help you carry these heavy things.

Remember what I said before?

You are wonderful.

And what you’re dealing with right now is really hard.

Both can be true at the same time.

There’s so much more I want you to know. Just remember: you’re doing your best and that’s more than enough for now.