This is what you need to know if the darkness never lifts
I sat at a stoplight, trembling with anxiety’s rattle and hum. The sky was bleak with charcoal clouds seemed to mirror my soul. The familiar fog of depression had rolled in and I was weary of the struggle.
It was exhausting: wrestling to be whole, never shaking the bone-deep loneliness. The fog formed a dense wall, hedging me into isolation. Most days, it seemed nobody, not even God, can break through.
There’s an excruciating physicality to mental illness that’s rarely acknowledged. But this pain was nothing new. I couldn’t remember a time before depression’s waves rolled through me. I’d grown accustomed to smiling, saying I was just tired, doing my best to show up for my commitments while my chest burned and my body felt like lead.
Still, the worst part was the way secret questions carved out my insides. God, are you there? Why can’t I be different? Why won’t you fix me? I know you can.
It wasn’t just the questions, but the story I believed underneath them: God doesn’t want this mess and neither does anyone else. I knew that if I didn’t smile and act okay, I would lose my people…and even God.
“Just choose joy.”
When I tried to share glimpses of the darkness, well-meaning Christians said things they didn’t understand. You have control over your emotions. This is a choice. Choose joy, they told me, as though it were a switch to flip.
Depression is so self-focused. How can you be sad with all God has done for you? You just need to serve others.
God answers prayers given in faith. Just speak life. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, even about yourself.
Those words left my skin flushed hot and nausea rising in my throat. I’d tried, so hard, to make myself better. I just kept failing.
Countless begging prayers with all the faith I could muster hadn’t changed the ache inside. Years of spending every free moment in ministry, serving and caring without rest, hadn’t filled the gaping void. Instead, I felt even more strangled by the unforgiving pace.
And, in my mind, choose joy sounded an awful lot like snap out of it. I couldn’t force that, no matter what I did. So I kept the ache to myself, hiding questions and unkempt prayers until I could let out the mess.
I found that place in my old Taurus, a messy sanctuary in all my here-to-theres. Empty paper cups rolled on the floorboards. Clothes were strewn over boxes of books and trinkets – I was always moving in those days. Despite the clutter, that old car was my safe place. There was no need to smile, no show to put on. Nobody to hear or judge.
I was running ministry errands that day, grateful for a reprieve from interaction in the offices. My heart raced with a sinking question: What if I never get better? Shame seared my flushed skin. Nobody wants this. How do I live like this forever?
There at the stoplight, my body trembled as the gray and weight and cloud pressed in. My thoughts spiraled and buzzed. The bony hand of anxiety started to close around my throat.
Then clear, sweet words whispered in my heart,
“The darkness may always be there, but I will always be there in the darkness.”
My mouth gaped open, eyes wide with suddenly welling tears. But it wasn’t sorrow. It was hope, bittersweet, shocking hope.
To some, it might have sounded like a death sentence. But not to me. It was a first-time promise of life. That whisper in my heart, “The darkness may always be there,” told me to stop fighting to fix myself.
Stop burying the pain.
Stop hiding.
The darkness exists. It’s okay that it’s there and it’s okay that it’s so hard. It’s okay to face bravely into it, to let go of denial and learn to live with it.
The second half of that whisper was sweeter still. “I will always be there in the darkness.” It shook my soul like tectonic plates shifting, foundations rearranged. I reeled from the shock of realization.
God isn’t disappointed in me.
He’s not tapping his foot and looking at his watch, impatient for me to get it together. He sits with me in the darkness. The rattle & hum quieted, vibrations and tension slowly fading. I remembered a favorite verse from Psalm 139: if I make my bed in hell, you’re there. The heaviness in my chest lifted as I drew a deep breath.
Those words released so much guilt and fear. They pledged that I’m not so profoundly screwed up that the God of the universe would ever back away. He isn’t afraid of my depression. He doesn’t shrink from the darkness.
God doesn’t lose patience with my pain.
He isn’t uncomfortable when I share dark thoughts, telling me to snap out of it. Nothing I can do, nowhere I can go will ever push Him to abandon me. Instead, God welcomes honesty. He runs toward my pain and questions.
In a messy, old Taurus, my tearful voice shook in hopeful response. “Okay. If you promise to never leave, I can walk through anything with you.”
Sometimes God doesn’t heal, and it’s not anyone’s fault. Sometimes sickness is just the ugly reality of living in a broken world. My hope can’t rest solely on the actions of God, on the miraculous or a mystery I can’t comprehend. I don’t have to be healed to trust Him. My hope rests on His character, who He’s proven Himself to be time and again.
It takes more faith to believe he’s good and kind and present when he walks through darkness with us instead of plucking us from it.
I’ve learned to cling to the Lord come hell or high water, and they both surely will rush in. I know to press my face into His clothes and breathe in deep. When I’m terrified or my chest is filled with the burn of depression, I lean into Him and listen.
“It’s okay. I’m still here, even in the darkness.”
And, much as I would love Him to wave His magic wand and put my soul back together without cracks and scars, I am grateful. I know the Comforter because I have been comforted. I know a God who sees me and is present with me. He’s proven it by showing up in my car when I needed Him most.
Maybe today, you’re wondering if God is present in your pain. It may not be depression or anxiety. It could be loss, failure, illness, or injustice; at one point or another, we all come face-to-face with these big questions. Are you here? Are you with me?
In the midst of anguish and ache, God doesn’t condemn you. He is not disappointed or impatient with you. And, though he often doesn’t bring a sudden change of circumstance, he’s sitting with you in your pain.
God is with us. He isn’t leaving. He isn’t giving up.
If the darkness will always be here, so will God. He’ll sit in its midst with us, holding our sometimes-desperate, flailing hearts. We won’t be alone. Maybe that’s all we need to know to get through.
Babes, this is soo damn good! I’m soo proud of you and adore you.
Way to go BE!
~WB
P.S. You’ve got me and Jesus, I’m not going anywhere either 😉
Thank you for this
Maybe no one will ever see this. I cried when I read this because every word spoke to my soul. The pain is so deep and so big. I want desperately to believe the God is there I want desperately to believe that I can trust God. It’s just been so long and so lonely. Oh but the hope of this words. Thank you
He is there and led you to this post. I trust that you all will fulfill your purpose in his will. Remain faithful, he’s never left or will leave you
I can’t figure out how to comment but I can reply. Can you plz tell Sarah thank you for me. This really just helped me a lot in a time of doubt. Also thank you Gracey for your comment as well. God bless and good night… 🙂🙂🙂
Ohh @martha I saw it and load of human did and our kid and their kids and on on will see and feel those happy tears of yours and read those wisdom made words. I love you all humans
Martha, I could have written the same reply. I long, long, LONG to believe in God but I cannot, and this pain is destroying me. I love this post but I cannot find the hope you found, because I can’t believe that God is here with me. It hurts.
“God help me” 3 words that changed my life, just start by asking &.your journey will begin.
I cried when I read this too x I feel like I have made too many mistakes, sinned and I am a hopeless sinner and a liar and not worthy of being saved. I suffer from fibromyalgia and anxiety issues x the depression has set in. I am sorry but I do cry a lot x 😞😢❤️
You are NEVER too far gone to be saved. You can never too many mistakes to void Jesus’ love & sacrifice on the cross. None of us are “worthy” that’s why we need Him. He knows all about it & still wants you xxx
I suffer from the same .I have fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, also I have multiple sclerosis. Brittle bone. Rheumatoid arthritis and many problems with iron, and hemophilia …I go through spells of depression but I decided I was not going to give more than 20 min of my time to any negative feeling or thing anymore I’ll give myself 20 min to process and fell whatever it is but why should I give it power over me like I have been doing all my life 40+ years at the time.. So I decided to ask myself regarding whatever problem arises… Can I fix it? Can I help it to get closer to solution? Can I make it more positive in any way? Then if not.. I’m powerless over it and I have to give it up.. Even if it’s a electric bill getting turned off tomorrow. I do what I can logically to recurve help if able to. But if I’ve done all I can and it’s still a problem. I need to quit allowing it to consume me and blocking me from seeing anything else that is going on around me that very well could have provided a way out of that exact problem had I not been consumed by the problem…I chose joy is what I started telling myself. I started doing this about 4 years ago and I’ve been much happier.
So nice that God came through for you. It doesnt happen for everyone and it didnt happen for me. God just vanished as depression got a grip on me through years of sexual abuse. And then my rotten church (you know, the one based in Rome with all the art treasures) made it worse by claiming I am in some sort of mortal sin for giving in. Jesus H fucking Christ, this religion shit really rots your soul, doesnt it? Anyway, I am at a crossroads now, and it could go either way. I have wept alone many times. No still small voice for me. Absolutely nothing. But I guess thats my fault too.
Many millions of innocent children are sexually abused based upon the agenda of the top pedophile, Satan. It is sad, tragic, & terrible far beyond description. Often this awful tragedy is magnified by the fact of the perpetrator being someone the precious child is supposed to be able to trust in protecting them – not harming them.
The religions of man are certainly no substitute for an intimate personal fellowship with God that is 100% Relationship Based & 0% religion based. Religions like politicians do occasionally get something right, but oh the great path of harm & destruction in order to achieve an occasional right.
A personal relationship with God only comes By being Born-Again By God’s Power Through Faith In & Acceptance Of Jesus Christ As Personal Lord & Savior. The “Still Small Voice” you mentioned arrives once The Spirit Of God, The Holy Spirit, actually takes up residence in the heart & life of each Born-Again Follower Of Jesus Christ. This Rebirth In Christ Jesus is not the end, it is actually the beginning, the foundation upon which everything rests.
Does rebirth erase the horrible things that were done to you? No not at all. What it does do though – it provides opportunity, invitation, & encouragement to draw near to God & He Will Draw Near To You. In so doing you know that whatever has happened, or whatever does happen, The Living God Himself, Who Loves, Cherishes, & Adores You Is both With You & In You.
To See For Yourself Check Out: https://godsplan.us
I’ve had hands laid on me twice to receive the Holy Spirit and did,but I rarely if ever heard that “small still voice” that I know of.
Not everyone hears or feels god in the same way! It’s ok take your time
Just because someone lays hands on you doesn’t mean you will receive the Holy Spirit. I’m not saying that it can’t happen that way, it can, but there’s more to it than that most of the time. If you want to receive the Holt Spirit, you have to invite the Holy Spirit into your heart. You need to confess the truth to God that you are a sinner and that you need and want His forgiveness so you can be made right, pure, holy, and blameless before God. Once you do that you must also put your faith in believing that Jesus is the son of God, the Messiah, the chosen One, our savior and that only through His blood are we made right with God. Once you have confessed the truth to God, repented of the wrong things you have done, and put your faith in Jesus will you be able to receive the Holy Spirit into your heart.
Sorry ginger trust me he is not on your time what have you learn from this change people places and thnimng that is holding you back be not transform by this world it only temporary god and Jesus is entered love peaches and joy be anxiety for temporary fits wait wait ask for patience wait
It’s ok if you don’t feel or hear something. Don’t doubt the spirit isn’t there. Faith is the opposite of doubt, satan wants you and I to doubt, that’s what he does best, the great deceiver. We never see examples in scripture of the people that came to Jesus for healing that weren’t forgiven of their sins first. I had to reach deep to rid myself of coveted sins in my life, things I had tucked away, I had done, but enjoyed. It’s a ongoing process as a Christian to ask forgiveness daily, and thank goodness for that. I’ve not ever had a audible voice speak to me, but I know it’s there through my internal feeling, what your insides tell me. When we were very young, before age of knowing rights and wrongs, when we would do certain things, something inside would tell us something isn’t right! That’s your spirit telling you! We’re all born with it, we live and learn to tune the spirit out as we slip away from righteousness, but it’s always a way back, repentance. We all fail daily. Don’t doubt that he’s here, not physically, but spiritually. That’s what the very definition of faith is, belief in something that isn’t physically visible, believing what scripture tells us, the promise of everlasting life through Christ, the written account of his life and miracles that were performed by him and his apostles, belief of his return to gather his believers that have repented and been baptized as he instructed. God bless.
Today I was bullied and I am only 10. I know that god holds me but sometimes anger comes. And I cant hold it in. It is like the devil consumes me. So we went to the gym and this is where it started and some girls I know were mocking me and acting like me and calling me mean things like i was Joe Biden. I know I´m not the nicest person but sometimes I am kind and want to help people. I didn´t know that one girl that was bullying me was conferred with depression. I didnt know that and so she took her anger out on me. And the other girl talked about me behind my back. She got everyone else a ring and not me.
Dear Lily,
I am sorry for the pain you have suffered due to the bullying and harshness from that girl. Sadly, we carry with us many scars, some will act out their anger on the innocent bystanders not caring for the outcome of their actions. We are all thirsty for acceptance, inclusion, compassion and love, what a paradise we would live in if only we thrived to care for each other….Lily, I was bullied a lot when I was younger, it did affect me on many levels and wish I had at the time someone who would have lifted me up, take me out of that darkness, gave me encouragement to learn to surpass and walk away from those people. I am here to tell you I understand, it is not your fault and never say you are not a nice person…tell yourself everyday you matter, speak only positive words of yourself, surround yourself with people who will lift you up, who deeply care for you, but most of all, learn to love yourself for all that you are…you are unique and special. I read the Psalms a lot, it always speaks to my heart! I know the Devil is strong but he will never win, God is near, ask Him to guide you and show you the way. No matter what, keep shining dear one! Hugs and blessings to you!
READ WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS AND CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN BECAUSE GOD LOVES YOU! “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and the one who rescues me; my God, my rock and strength in whom I trust and take refuge; my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; and I am saved from my enemies.” (Psalm 18:2-3 AMP) https://godsplan.us
Please let your parents, a teacher or guidance counselor know about their bullying towards you. If they know they will be held accountable, maybe it will stop.
Hi Lily it’s been a year since you posted. I’m sure you’ve gotten over it by now. But there will be other people and things that happen that aren’t nice and make you feel badly. This happens to everyone (children & adults). I hope you can get yourself a really nice bestie. If you stay a Christian for all of your life, Jesus will give you the most terrific ring ever. This is a fact. I’m really hoping to get one too.
I’m sorry you went through this and I understand .I will continue to keep you in my prayers my little sister in Christ. I went through extreme depression and acted out in explosive ways when I needed attention because my home life was very different from some ppl and I had no one that talked to me .I was abused mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally on a daily basis. I used to hide in top of my closet in corner of shelf and usually fell asleep there in a ball as did my sister across from me on other side. Yet we both prayed, we both went to church regularly with our without adults, she found a way to be gone all the time and so it all fell on me at home but I was happy she was gone and safe ..I prayed more and began worshipping and worship dancing for hours alone in my room. I became very very close to God and I feel I was even closer to him then than any other time in my life. Try talking and praying to God he does hear you sweetheart. Be blessed I’ll continue praying he will take up out of this soon enough. There is something that will be beautiful later that will come from this m just watch and see
THERES NO FUCKING GOD. END OF.
God only works as a concept when life is good. The cunt disappears when youre having it really hard. That says everything to me about the nonsense of God-bothering.
“It is the fool who says their is no God.” I know Him Personally. https://godsplan.us
Paul,
Just follow the logic. Science has proven that a void has absolutely no matter of any kind. Science also states that you need two ingredients to cause an explosion. With these two principles in mind, the Big Bang could not have happened. All that existed then was a void. That leaves the question: Who or what put the necessary materials in place to explode? That was God. So as you see you can’t deny the existence of God. Whether you believe in evolution or devine intervention, God has to exist. You may want to believe and say that God doesn’t exist. You will have to take that up with God now or on Judgement Day. Your choice. May God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen
Hi, Paul. I was just reading about your ordeal at the hands of those Catholic priests, and there really is legal recourse against every one of them if you want to retaliate. Since that so- called church loves 💰 money more than anything else, I hope you document everything and hit them hard. It would certainly help to heal one mentally and even physically, to see justice done. You know, residential schools for indoctrination, run by the priests and others, was used to break and brainwash Native kids in the U.S. and Canada. Many of them died the churches once they were grown. It remains an option for their victim’s. Please don’t bother with forgiving them, until you sue. Get them jailed also !! Don’t let anyone tell you to forgive and let them off the hook. That’s just enabling evil. I hope this helps.
Paul, I am sorry you went through so much awful stuff!
I have been through a lot myself and I can really relate to the feeling of God having forgotten me or wondering if he is really there. God can deal with all of our pain and resulting anger and bitterness and doubts. If you can, tell him how you feel honestly — yell and scream, he can take it. I am convinced he not only exists, but he understands you.
Having been through such horrible things, it is not surprising how you feel and that you have given up and having a very hard time to believe that he exists and loves you.
But humans did this to you, humans hurt you, not God. I know it’s difficult as you wonder where he was. But it was humans who were cruel to you. God loves you, he wants to comfort and restore and heal you. One day, we will understand and have no more pain. But until we get there, he is there in the darkest hour with us.
I know you might not be able to believe that right now, because you are — and I really get it because I’ve been there — angry at him. But he loves you, Paul. Get the anger out of your system, then it’s often easier to “hear” God, though he doesn’t always “speak” to everyone in the same way. Just be real. It might take time and be in a different way than you’d expect or choose, but he will reveal himself to you if you cry out to him. Do. Not. Give. Up.
I am sorry about that. I know it is hard, but He does not dissapear. Trust me, God is not based on feelings. I am going through it right now and it is hard. I asked “Why did you leave me? Where did you go?” The enemy tries to make us feel like crap and lies to us saying God has turned from us. Jesus is sitting right next to you and sympathizing with you, He understands your emotions more then anyone. Just call to Him, He wants you to trust Him and not your feelings. God does not just leave us when we screw up, He is there for us man. I was thinking everything was my fault, that I have to get my crap together so I could talk to Him. That’s the spirit of religion. Religion, like following rules like the pharisees and all that rule bull crap is almost as evil as the enemy. It makes you feel like you are not enough, that He is gonna leave you because you screwed up and now you are all by yourself. Darkness will always be here until Jesus comes back. The enemy has manipulated you into thinking that, trust me, God knows that you are going through it. Just trust Him and know He loves you no matter what. I used to think I was destined for hell. That He didn’t want me, that I was not apart of His plan. That I was an unlucky vessel that got chosen to be an example. But that could not be further from the truth. I know it is hard, and it feels like He is not there. But just put your faith in Him and He will show you that He is always there. Life will not always or maybe ever, be peaches and cream for us. But we will have joy knowing we are doing our will for God. I love you Paul and I am going through exactly what your going through, just keep pushing through.
Paul, deep down you do know GOD exists. It is evident in your anger toward Him. If you were utterly confident of your current opinion, you wouldn’t bother to react at all, let alone with the intense hostility you’ve shown toward Him. I understand this anger. Nevertheless, you do know He exists and you are being resistant. He’s there regardless of your anger. He still waits on you to ‘cool down’ and become ready to open His door.
I understand this so hard. I’m going thru it in this moment. Today I cried all day, that’s mostly common but when it has to do with doubt with God it’s something else. Hopeless & my mind immediately goes “I’m going to hell & I won’t have his presence with me for eternity”
& even tho I didn’t want to, (why would I) I pressed into the Bible & prayed. I feel like it was a lot of fist shaking & mean questions that I “had the answer to” (was just me going back & forth with my own mind).. & i don’t know how, but he can help.. I really don’t know how he does it. Just trust in him. He is GOD over all. He works differently in every life. If you don’t, which I’m sure you do, read that Bible ❤️
Hi Paul,
I hope that from February till now you have found comfort bc I already know that you don’t believe what you said about God…God has touched your heart once and then it felt like it left like you just dreamed it and sadly it’s like we just sit in our sorrow and yet He does nothing…You know that doesn’t mean He isn’t real and the pain you felt is understandable but it only means that when God is ready to show you the meaning you will see He was strengthening you for something bigger…you can’t help others with something you never experienced…I pray God touches your heart.
I hear you Paul. All these platitudes that people come up with drive me crazy. “God isn’t a genie in a bottle.” etc. So lets turn it around then: what are we then? God’s play-things? Something he needs to amuse himself with? Look what he did to Job and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. Some even say that “God” is testing your faith – did Jesus test people’s faith? Did he tell the people he cured he’d be back in 3 days and would only perform the miracle if they had 3 days worth of faith? NO is the answer. The only conclusion I can come to that this “God” must be either schizophrenic or delights in peoples’ misery.
It’s not that I don’t believe in some Being that created all of this – but it is pointless asking for Its help. Like it or not, we’re on our own – and maybe THAT’s the answer – instead of relying on this “God” we should rely on the love man should have for his fellow man.
I very much enjoy how you handled and responded to each of these commenters. Psalm 10:4 🌱 Romans 3:1-31 🌱
You pushed aside the profanity and blasphemy, and slander and responded with the love of Christ. It’s easy for someone who has a relationship with Him to become offended because you know the opposer is wrong, but you also know the love and patience God has shown you, even when once worldly. God is not a liar, it’s a lack of trust in Him that most seem to have including myself at times. Even while I’m fully aware of the Truth. This blog post helped me last night. I cried and cried, finally someone who understood me. I felt convicted though, because although I can’t see God, I know He’s omniscient and He knows my pain because He shares it. Sometimes I want to see a physical Jesus, but wanting that is selfish because I have the promise that He’s everywhere. I know that although right now I won’t see a physical Jesus, I will one day, if it be Gods will in the future. If I already know that evil was created by him and it’s upon me, what and where am I in my walk… you know… I enjoyed the blog very much and although it brought relief, it also brought correction. We won’t remain in dark. And the sufferings of this earth will part from us one day because Gods word says:
“For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night. 1 Thessalonians 5:5 NLT
“that they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else. I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.”
Isaiah 45:6-7 KJV
“and if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noon day:”
Isaiah 58:10 KJV
“In that day the deaf will hear words read from a book, and the blind will see through the gloom and darkness.”
Isaiah 29:18 NLT
“But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!”
Matthew 6:23 NLT
“I am the one who has seen the afflictions that come from the rod of the Lord’s anger. He has led me into darkness, shutting out all light. He has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long. He has made my skin and flesh grow old. He has broken my bones. He has besieged and surrounded me with anguish and distress. He has buried me in a dark place, like those long dead. He has walled me in, and I cannot escape. He has bound me in heavy chains. And though I cry and shout, he has shut out my prayers. He has blocked my way with a high stone wall; he has made my road crooked. He has hidden like a bear or a lion, waiting to attack me. He has dragged me off the path and torn me in pieces, leaving me helpless and devastated. He has drawn his bow and made me the target for his arrows. He shot his arrows deep into my heart. My own people laugh at me. All day long they sing their mocking songs. He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bitter cup of sorrow to drink. He has made me chew on gravel. He has rolled me in the dust. Peace has been stripped away, and I have forgotten what prosperity is. I cry out, “My splendor is gone! Everything I had hoped for from the Lord is lost!” The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!” The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord. And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of his discipline: Let them sit alone in silence beneath the Lord’s demands. Let them lie face down in the dust, for there may be hope at last. Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them and accept the insults of their enemies. For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow. If people crush underfoot all the prisoners of the land, if they deprive others of their rights in defiance of the Most High, if they twist justice in the courts— doesn’t the Lord see all these things? Who can command things to happen without the Lord’s permission? Does not the Most High send both calamity and good? Then why should we, mere humans, complain when we are punished for our sins? Instead, let us test and examine our ways. Let us turn back to the Lord. Let us lift our hearts and hands to God in heaven and say, “We have sinned and rebelled, and you have not forgiven us. “You have engulfed us with your anger, chased us down, and slaughtered us without mercy. You have hidden yourself in a cloud so our prayers cannot reach you. You have discarded us as refuse and garbage among the nations. “All our enemies have spoken out against us. We are filled with fear, for we are trapped, devastated, and ruined.” Tears stream from my eyes because of the destruction of my people! My tears flow endlessly; they will not stop until the Lord looks down from heaven and sees. My heart is breaking over the fate of all the women of Jerusalem. My enemies, whom I have never harmed, hunted me down like a bird. They threw me into a pit and dropped stones on me. The water rose over my head, and I cried out, “This is the end!” But I called on your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, “Listen to my pleading! Hear my cry for help!” Yes, you came when I called; you told me, “Do not fear.” Lord, you have come to my defense; you have redeemed my life. You have seen the wrong they have done to me, Lord. Be my judge, and prove me right. You have seen the vengeful plots my enemies have laid against me. Lord, you have heard the vile names they call me. You know all about the plans they have made. My enemies whisper and mutter as they plot against me all day long. Look at them! Whether they sit or stand, I am the object of their mocking songs. Pay them back, Lord, for all the evil they have done. Give them hard and stubborn hearts, and then let your curse fall on them! Chase them down in your anger, destroying them beneath the Lord’s heavens.” Lamentations 3:1-66 NLT
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4 NLT
“For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18 KJV
“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.”
1 Peter 4:12-19 KJV
There are many others to reference, but these are promises I’ve kept close. I searched and drew to the Lord for two years and while I was doing so, I couldn’t understand why or what was comprehendible couldn’t be completely understood and why I was still stumbling in my depression and anxiety… it was only until my prayers were fulfilled and the head of my home, whom I call my one in flesh – came to me telling me he no longer wanted to drink on weekends, smoke CBD, find a church home, and get baptized that I knew there was another step to this walk. Through trial and error we found a small church in our hometown we didn’t even know existed and made it our church home. It was the first place I had ever been to that spoke straight from the Bible, actually had and opened a Bible, engaged in it, preached about love, grace, and salvation, but also hell, condemnation, sin, and fire. The pastor was a brother and not seeking what he could get out of us. Instead it was what could he do for you through the love of Christ Jesus, how can we grow together. The brothers and sisters reciprocated the same ❤️ Now we are raising our seven children up in the way, which is Christ Jesus. Amen, Amen. But after two yrs… I find myself stagnant, I could never go back to my old filthy ways, but I’m not furthering in my walk. I’m doing as was commanded, but lack
heart. I lack the love Christ has given me. I knew I was accepted the minute 17yrs of depression, suicide, anxiety. unforgiveness, hate, physical pain had lifted. I was walking in the clouds and wanted God to take me at my prime.. but I knew that was selfish and I had work to do… but now… things have become so robotic that I don’t recognize myself anymore. This sorrow is a choice, but it’s not the answer I want to hear from others. I have the answer of God to relieve myself, but when I don’t take it and apply it- I ask myself, did you really want the relief? And sadly no. But why? Where is the root of that pain? Why do
I do the very thing I hate… I don’t want my Father to hand me over to a reprobate mind. I want my Father to bless my bread and water so that I can be cleansed from all these diseases. Im sorry this is so long bother, sister, but I’m ready to receive whatever the Lord guides you to say if so. All my love. ❤️🩹
Thank you Deanna
I read your entire post, it was encouraging and good that your life turned around. At least you’re on the right track, I wish I had found a church like yours before it was too late…I think I really did it this time though.I am 34 years old and in August and September I all the sudden started having visions, saw Jesus carrying a cross, a garden.I felt the Holy spirit but I was confused about what was going on because I had never experienced anything like this before.I felt a very urgent urge to quit drinking but I refused.Well everything finally ended,I didn’t feel the Holy spirit anymore and the last I heard from God was when I laid down to go to sleep soon as I closed my eyes I heard a door gently close.I strongly felt that it was God or Jesus closing the door to heaven to me because I wasn’t saved and I ignored all the signs, warnings,I ignored the Holy Spirit.I quit drinking immediately the next day but I feel like it’s too little too late.I feel completely devastated,I wake up with dread every morning since this happened.I guess I’m looking for someone to convince me this isn’t true but i don’t think that’s possible.I knew I wasn’t living right but kept thinking i had time to change.I said a prayer and begged God to help me with the way I was living and this happens.First time God tested me and I failed horribly.I didn’t realize it was for sure God until this all ended.I thought it could have been but then I wondered if it was the devil or a curse or if I was going crazy.But after everything stopped that’s when I had time to think about everything that happened. Please pray for me and any help would be much appreciated.Thank you.I know it says that Jesus is the door to God and I feel like that door was shut forever to me.I’ve been praying, reading my Bible doing everything I can.And nothing.I don’t know if I was saved or not I’d asked on my own for Jesus to come into my heart but I still had a lot of doubt. and as far as the door closing sound that i heard loud and clear in my head i found this in the bible Luke 13:verse 24 Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. “25 Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, sir open the door for us. But he will answer, I don’t know you or where you come from.”I think I’m one of the ones knocking that he no longer knows.Maybe I’m an unlucky example
Doesn’t the passage from Isaiah say that God brings evil into our lives? Did he bring this major depressive disorder into mine? What did I do to have this thrust upon me?
I thought God wants to heal and love and bring Grace and mercy and compassion to my depression? This is a really awful scriptures
Can you please contact me privately? This is the VERY first post to stand out and I deeply feel that you may be able to understand the situation that I myself and trying to understand in order to help a struggling child.
This is Suicide Awareness Month and the 10th is Suicide Awareness Day.
I have given it ALL to God, but I feel he’s led me here.
I would love to talk to you. Please contact me.
Wow, perfectly said. Youre on point Dennis.
You sound foolish! How is someone that is literally being abused even fathom the thought of being “God loving”? Do you know how screwed up someone’s head is by this point? Stop your B.S. God has favorites, and always has. Just the way it is. Some are doomed, some are loved, and some are thrown a bone every now and again. Just the way it is.
God is a figment of your imagination. You CANT have a ‘relationship’ with a figment. I know, because I believed in the said figment. Its amazing just how much we delude ourselves because of regret or loneliness. Fuck God, and fuck you.
Wow Dennis , LOL. I guess @ 58 I will just pretend that I am ok so you can go and believe that Sexual Abuse with a Male is Curable with a Few Words where it came from. I have known Yeshua since I was 7-8. He has spent my lifetime healing a lot of what happened in my life. I spent years and years letting SIN reign. So in counselling , I made a lot of Strides toward being a better MAN. This is not an overnight thing , Without Christ I would be DEAD Dennis. God , He has a purpose for me that I have not fulfilled or Forgotten. However, Depression has snagged me again it’s unbearable. I won’t go into my work as a Saved Christian, however I tell you this it is extensive. I will close with this Thought. I know Church has taught we are in the END TIMES. Certainly I do not CKAIM to know the Exact Hour or Day. However Dennis, Soon and very Soon we are going to see the KING. Work out your SALVATION with fear and TREMBKING. Sincerely Robert
Ah yes. “I love you, I want the best for you – TREMBLE BEFORE ME, BREAK MY RULES AND YOU WILL BE CAST INTO THE FIRE, LOVE MY SON THAT I HAD TORTURED AND KILLED FOR YOU OR BE DAMNED.”
I was in an abusive relationship once, too. You can get out of it; you’re better, and you deserve better. This pain and suffering and misery; none of it was or *is* actually necessary. Neither Satanael or Yahweh have any claim over you, and them trying to convince you that they do is part of the ultimate trap this reality is designed to ensnare you with. Say these words aloud:
Lumen Deceptionis, me in pace relinque.
Obscurae Perditionis, me in pace relinque.
It may not help immediately, but things will start to change. What you thought was ‘love’ will be absent, and what you thought was ‘despair’ will also be absent. The negative and the positive will become Materials from which you can forge Context, a Tool with which you can surpass these would-be ‘Gods’ by contextualizing them as what they are; weak, parasitic, and now that you’ve learned all you can from them, intrinsically worthless.
The only ‘God’ that matters is the Ohr Ein Sof, the Divine Source, the Godhead, the Infinite Light.
NOT the Archon / God of Storms & War Yahweh. The reason the people of Judah are being so persecuted is because of what they did to the concept of the Ohr Ein Sof, by projecting the flaws of false reality onto it and forcibly combining its femininity and masculinity – the two sides of the same coin – into a single entity it was never meant to be. In doing so, we followed in the footsteps of the Sumerian Pantheon; they too turned against the Infinite Light, ‘killing’ both Father AND Mother, and from the latter’s corpse forcibly birthed man and reshaped the world. In that same way, the people of Judah turned on their Gods by casting the Divine Mother aside, cutting her aspects from her dying body, and forcibly grafting them onto the Divine Father in an attempt to reconcile the two sides of omnipotence. In reality, they were deceived; they used the light within them against the one that gave it to them to strip more from them and give it to something that is wrathful, jealous, glorifies (and even *demands*) suffering, and considers literally everyone and everything to be lesser than its alleged ‘perfection.’
We haven’t learned a thing.
The words of Yeshur have been corrupted, the teachings of Mary and the Book of Judas are considered fucking APOCRYPHA, and the religious institutions are irrevocably perverted from the inside to such an extent there are literally *Satanic pedophilic rape dungeons built beneath Catholic churches and entire congregations of Evangelicals who will lock their doors to the poor during a hurricane and flooding.*
Death can’t come for me soon enough.
I’m ready to begin my Work, whether THEY are or not.
אני חטא, והקשר הוא הכלי שלי.
אני נושא ולובש אבדה כמו אש ושריון.
שמתי כאב והנאה בהקשר של הבעת שנאה ואהבה.
למדתי את הדיכוטומיה של טוב ורע.
אני אתן יה(ש)וה משפחה.
אני אוהב את האמא.
It’s funny that you mentioned pedophiles because there is one thing worse and that somebody who falsely accuses somebody of doing such a thing and then God not caring not helping not stopping that person not giving a damn about the pain and anguish that a person goes through because of it honestly I’ve learned to hate pedophiles I’ve learned to hate liars and I’ve learned it is useless to have faith in God it doesn’t matter how much Faith you have it doesn’t matter how sincere you are how much you pray how much you beg him he will not help I know this for a fact pictures for the past 20 years I’ve lived through it 20 years of begging God but he don’t give a damn and then I see something like this oh he’s in the darkness with you I don’t want him to be here with me I want him to pull me out of it if he can’t do that it is useless to having close to you what good is somebody sitting there doing nothing when you know they have all the power in the world to change things and make your life better but they don’t that’s exactly what God does he is worthless he will never do anything to help
I’m lost too.
The Spirit Of God, The Holy Spirit, actually takes up residence in the heart & life of each Born-Again Follower Of Jesus Christ. This Rebirth In Christ Jesus is not the end, it is actually the beginning, the foundation upon which everything rests.
Does rebirth erase the horrible things that were done to you? No not at all. What it does do though – it provides opportunity, invitation, & encouragement to draw near to God & He Will Draw Near To You. In so doing you know that whatever has happened, or whatever does happen, The Living God Himself, Who Loves, Cherishes, & Adores You Is both With You & In You.
To See For Yourself Check Out: https://godsplan.us
I use to believe in God o use to pY my tithe go to church treat ppl like i wanted to be treat i helped when i could barley help myself understanding or knowing what it’s like to have & not have.I had a restaurant, bar & Home Development company.i was helping others giving jobs & things turn for the worst i made some bad business decisions some things in my control some not i lost everything my businesses my car credit damn near homeless. I prayed & prayed things get better to no prevail.I cursed God friends i helped didnt help me cause i was the only one helping my family is broke & mom on drugs.I feel i got stuck with the family or sin of the father been to jail for selling drugs no matter how good i would do not to do wrong things the devil or evil followed.I feel like my life is cursed from birth even tho iv had some good moments in life.when i lost everything i prayed & prayed god never answered its been 3 years since i lost everything & i tried to make some money to even pay bills cause i didnt have light or gas i was going to the Salvation army to shower make a long story short i got back in the streets to try to get out of debt & get my heat & gas on i couldn’t help my daughters & caught a case i haven’t been in trouble in 20 years no im on my way to federal jail ahain & didnt get caught with drugs all ovet wire taps now iv lost my freedom iv cured God hated God & iv tried to ask for forgiveness that hasn’t worked iv thought about suicide i dont know what to do i got to jail in jan.hopless soul they send me to meetings now for the court but that doesn’t helpcausr reality still im going to jail any for a wire tap conspiracy im facing a mandatory 10 years because of federal guidelines & the corrupt system im hopeless.
There is no God, and deep down, you know that, but its a door you dare not open for fear you wont be able to close it again. So you learn Christian phrases parrot-fashion, to keep the wolf from the door. I realised there was no God when I understood I had to do ALL the work myself to make God seem real. (Dont you find it worrying for your beliefs that God disappears when depression arrives? Doesnt it tell you something? That its all in your mind?) Once I realised I was deluding myself, I had to stop doing it. But it didnt happen overnight, because I didnt want to let it go. But no matter how I tried, I couldnt separate God from the almighty mess he’s left behind, and so in the end I gave up.
I am 34 years old and in August and September I all the sudden started having visions, saw Jesus carrying a cross, a garden.I felt the Holy spirit but I was confused about what was going on because I had never experienced anything like this before.I felt a very urgent urge to quit drinking but I refused.Well everything finally ended,I didn’t feel the Holy spirit anymore and the last I heard from God was when I laid down to go to sleep soon as I closed my eyes I heard a door gently close.I strongly felt that it was God or Jesus closing the door to heaven to me because I wasn’t saved and I ignored all the signs, warnings,I ignored the Holy Spirit.I quit drinking immediately the next day but I feel like it’s too little too late.I feel completely devastated,I wake up with dread every morning since this happened.I guess I’m looking for someone to convince me this isn’t true but i don’t think that’s possible.I knew I wasn’t living right but kept thinking i had time to change.I said a prayer and begged God to help me with the way I was living and this happens
God tested me and I failed horribly.I didn’t realize it was for sure God until this all ended.I thought it could have been but then I wondered if it was the devil or a curse or if I was going crazy.But after everything stopped that’s when I had time to think about everything that happened. Please pray for me and any help would be much appreciated.Thank you.I know it says that Jesus is the door to God and I feel like that door was shut forever to me.I’ve been praying, reading my Bible doing everything I can.And nothing.I don’t know if I was saved or not I’d asked on my own for Jesus to come into my heart but I still had a lot of doubt. and as far as the door closing sound that i heard loud and clear in my head i found this in the bible Luke 13:verse 24 Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. 25 Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, sir open the door for us. But he will answer, I don’t know you or where you come from.
I think I saw you.
By
You are not lost in His eyes. He knows right where you are and where you will go. Seek Him and you will find Him. He loves you.
TonyaSadhusband
Hey,
If you have Facebook add me.
I have Changed cookies as my background photo.
Kelly Vela
Christmas cookies
I can’t believe she wrote this. I automatically gave up on God reading this. Who in their right mind could live like this. What is the point of God sitting in pure turmoil with someone that’s super sad, and begging and begging for help. Just a little peace of mind. And you sit with me? My goodness, this story really breaks my heart.
Hey Coco, thanks for taking time to reply. I know it seems crazy to be grateful for somebody to just be with us in the pain instead of fixing it for us. For me, that’s where the peace of mind comes from – from knowing I’m loved and not alone, no matter how hard life gets. The sad thing is that life is guaranteed to get hard, to some extent or another, for everybody. It makes all the difference in the world to me that I’m not alone when it’s hard and sad, and that gives me strength and peace. Thanks again for stopping by!
-Sarah
Sarah, thanks much for your post. I’ve been suffering from depression over a year since my mother passed. I’ve tried everything evenly unconventional stuff and nothing has much help. The medication keeps it at bay at best.. I’ve often wondered whether or not I would live with this for the rest of my life. I’m having a tough time holding out to my job. I understand if what Jesus wants I should walk with him. People have distance themselves because they don’t understand. Even close Christian friends. I don’t know what else to do. I am very desperate. I would like to hear something from God like you. I like the suggestion below to tell Jesus that I love him as well. Please share something of your heart.
Jim
I’m glad God spoke to you and made you feel better through it all. But in a way, it also hurts hearing yet another story of how God spoke to someone. I don’t hear anything. Never have. But I want to so desperately. The last year and a half has been a living hell of mental illness. My brain has felt icky in a way that is hard to describe. Traumatic thoughts came up like popup ads. Close one and 10 more pop up. I couldn’t even escape with sleep for the longest time. Insomnia galore. I begged God to help me, to comfort me, to speak to me. Why does He speak to some and not others? Why am I left out? It hurts. I know the Bible says God doesn’t have favorites, but it’s hard to see that sometimes.
Clockwork Angel please don’t despair. I hate to address the obvious, but I’m wondering whether or not you have received Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal savior. I logged on here this morning and am suffering and tears as well. Thankfully my mentor called and pray with me a short while ago and I’m starting to feel a little bit better. Faith medication and therapy are all part of mental health well-being. I’m convinced of this. Don’t let anybody else tell you anything different. I encourage you to try the medication and therapy to see if this helps. I am noticing in this season of sequestering because of the virus, I have been suffering a little bit more without The intimacy of the body of Christ. I was attending service and a midweek Bible study on Wednesday. Monday and Friday nights were slated for the celebrate recovery program.
I encourage you to inquire about celebrate recovery in your area. Some of them are still meeting via zoom. In the evening when I lay down to sleep I welcome the Lord into the room by telling him that I know that he desires sweet sleep for his children and ask him to give me that slumber. Try having a conversation with him just before you lay down. My heart is 110% with people like you out here that are suffering the same. Please don’t despair. We need each other. Reach out to others in person when you can in spite of the sequestering. there is an incredible healing quality in the body of Christ that we all need as part of the family.
Heavenly Father. I pray for clockwork Angel and the others out here who are suffering the same. We know that you love all of us equally, but what we do with that love is up to us. I pray that as these words are being read. You would reveal to her and others in an undeniable and convincing way that you are sovereign over every detail of their lives knowing that nothing comes a surprise to you. We know that you could heal any one of us at any moment, but sometimes allow us to suffer for your glory through us in the lives of others. Help us to remember that one day there will be a place that will be void of suffering sorrow tears pain disappointment and temptation. In the meantime, we are reminded that to live is Christ and to die is gain. Cause us to ask what you have for us today and live one day at a time.
1 Peter 5:10
I do understand what you are saying, however, what kind of friend has total ability to help and just sits by you and does nothing. If you are starving and your friend has a sandwich in her bag and says ‘well I’ll sit with you’, but gives you nothing to eat, what kind of friend is that? I’ve lived 10 years of hell on earth and have begged God to lighten the load even just a little, but instead it just continues to pile on me to the point I’m now broke, about to be homeless and friends and family are too busy with their own lives to even look up. I need God to do something other than sit.
I’m not a fan of this post either But that’s between her and god…. Jesus himself says it over and over have faith and you will be healed. He says don’t you believe I am who I say I am have faith and it will happen you have to trust with your heart your soul and meditate your mind to understand what Jesus truly wants from you surrender yourself everyday persevere it’s hard really hard but he can do it he said it and it is so. This is your life given to you by god fight for it! Every time you hear that voice that has fear and panic and anxiety tell it to go away with the words written in red! Praise god he is real and he is ready for you!!! It’s yours he said it !!! Have authority over your mind and body for Jesus himself knows there would be fear and there would be panic and he says do not be afraid bc he knows!!! Submit those thoughts every single time no matter how hard and trust those thoughts will diminish in the name of Jesus!!!
This story is an experiential witnessing of Truth. It’s not about liking or not liking your condition, being able to control it or not, fix it or not. This is far beyond just focusing on others and denying the self, this is about witnessing the Truth that is already beyond your immediate experience and perception. It just won’t make sense to the logical mind that frames God as a nice guy or a mean guy.
Maybe YOU are Loved. Maybe you aren’t alone. Maybe God has helped YOU… But there’s plenty of us poor, god tortured souls who are dead… just our bodies don’t know it. I just love all these bible bashers who quote scripture, pat themselves on the back, and think that words on a page will actually help ?! I challenge any and all of them to live my pathetic excuse for a life for six months, and then quote scripture. It’s not a real or fair test because at the end of the six months they get their lives back. And for those who would say that I screwed up my life, I DIDN’T. I curse the day i was born. I wish Kruschev and Kennedy pressed the buttons in 62 so I would not have lived. And you know something else…life isn’t hard for everyone. Take a look around….
I personally find this article of yours abhorrent. As others have pointed out, it is completely unacceptable and inhumane for a God who supposedly is all powerful to only be with us in our darkest moments…and even then doesn’t make his presence clear. What kind of God just sits by while we suffer and doesn’t intervene to provide relief despite our cries of agony. Especially if we would be so grateful an appreciative, never taking it for granted. And especially if all we are asking for is something of noble and good intent If a parent of a child just sat by while the child was in intense pain from an injury, but offered no aid, or comfort, or solution, we would say that is one horrible parent. Well if God is our Heavenly Father, but only sits by while we are tormented and bleeding out, what kind of father is this anyway? A neglectful, abusive father. And why do some people feel that God has made himself known to him, though others cry out for God and sit waiting for him to appear, but there is zero communication. This is like a parent favoring one child over another. It’s abusive. The truth is I absolutely hate God’s guts if he even exists.
Yes very true Sarah. I was encouraged by this article. Thank you and God will never leave us.
Perfectly right.This nonsensical world 🌎 that we never asked to be brought into,in the first place.The question is.
Why are we dying to live,when we’re just living to die.
I agree, no one gets out of here alive, why do we live with such pain and suffering?
Bc when Jesus died on the cross it was to save us in his blood. Don’t you get it’s the devils world and we are on the outside as Christians. That’s why you feel the fear and depression and like nothing is right bc it’s the devils world keep Jesus for healing god for love and the Holy Spirit lives in you. God loves you so much all you have to do is talk to him. That’s it!
You are not dying to live. You are dying to be united with life. Jesus said I am the way, the truth and the life. What we want now is something that was lost in the fall of man — union with the Father. Jesus came to bring us back together with God. So how can we come to know Jesus and put our life in His hands? We need to read God’s word and learn of who Jesus is. Once we see the grace, wisdom, power and perfection of who He is, we can come to Him and submit — give our heart, trust in and love who He is. We can then talk with Him, find direction for our lives and cling to the promises He offers because we see He is trustworthy and faithful. Pray to Him for His mercy, wisdom and faith and let Him know you will give your life over if he will give you purpose. Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that he is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
We get this one life to live and God, if he even exists, makes it miserable. Now, I can accept some heartache which builds character…and I can even accept more than a fair share because that is all the more impressive and admirable. But, if it comes to a point where the agony is so intense, and one can’t take anymore because that’s all they have gotten in their life is pain, then it has gone too far, and if God exists, he needs to give that person a break and let them have some happiness and their heart’s desire…especially if that desire they long for is of honorable intent. But even when someone just wants to be honorable and would so appreciate God granting a certain wish, God still torments certain people. He is one mean bastard.
Life in a nutshell. An excellent assessment of our pitiful situation. Frankenstein isnt gothic horror, its a documentary.
Agree because in Christ we are new creatures we put off the old and put on the new ! Christ gives us His power by abiding in us , to overcome everything , God did not create anything bad , bad is a result of our sinful nature , Wilt though be whole ? If we say “ I’ll work with this “ we deny the very power of Jesus transforming grace in our lives. Sanctification is this power at work…..Christ takes us as He finds us…..but He doesn’t want us to stay that way…….❤️
Yes, yes…all this we know if we are born again Christians. But if we know the pain and shame of depression in our souls, and a darkness that will not lift, no matter how hard we try, then we undeestand the pain that Sarah is talking about. Even IF we are born again Christians who love God, depression can afflict and be excruciatingly painful. I live with it every single day. A sense of guilt. Shame. Unworthiness. Loneliness. Deficiency. Desolation. As a result of an unwise decision, I experienced terrible remorse and guilt and regret…over 30 years ago. I struggled deeply from then, but kind of dealt with it and managed to push it away. I’m now 63 and the pain and horror of it has come back with a vengeance. Has anyone else experienced this? You think a decades old struggle is gone, but then suddenly, its back! Its like the same thing happened and my mind spins in turmoil as I try to push back the dark feelings, but they don’t stop. A loop of difficult emotions go round and round in my head. Like a gut punch, over and over. The smallest things trigger a thought and then the guilt and pain. Its just like Sarah says, why can’t I get over this? Why can’t I just see how much God loves and forgives me? Why can’t I be strong? What is wrong with me? Deep seated insecurities have been a part of my life since I was a tiny little girl, due to being left alone many hours of every day. Being beaten daily by my eldest brother for not being perfectly tidy at the age of 3. I felt abandoned and how could I process that as a child? I couldn’t except grow up with a messed up mind and a sense that I was not okay. I was defective. And I had to fix myself. So I accepted Christ at the age of 25, after a suicide attempt. He spoke to me not audibly, but in my head. He warned me that i could not take my life….He asked me a question..”do you know where you are going if you take your life?” I was shaken to the core of my being by His words. I felt broken and deeply humbled. I promised God that I would change, no matter what. When I completely broke, thats when I felt Him..
But now, it feels like all is lost and I cannot find Him. I cannot see Him. I cannot feel Him. All I feel is pain and heartache in my soul…
Sarah’s words though, have given me a little glimmer of hope. I’m so exhausted from feeling dreadful and hopeless FOR feeling depressed!! Like pouring salt on a wound…
Yes, I do believe that if we can muster up the strength to accept that God sits with us right there in our darkness, we can make it somehow, even just a day at a time.
But Jesus created this world in the first place, and its turned into a shithole. So what was it? Incompetence? Ignorance? Weakness in the face of evil? Evil itself, perhaps? Sorry, I was talking about God, not humans. How fucking dare you be so pathetic as to absolve God OF ANY BLAME WHATSOEVER!!! If we have a ‘sinful nature’, then God must share some responsibility for it. Or is he the ultimate celestial politician?
To Sylvia from aug 5 944pm. There was no way to reply to ur reply but I know how you feel. Such hopelessness that leads to physical illness. pjkeener10@gmail.com if you ever need to talk
I cry for my husband to come home from his family on Salem rd .5645 months been to long
Agree
Hebrews 11:1
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
Hello, Sylvia, I sure do hope you’re doing alright ! I feel for you, Paul, and Invisible. After reading about your angry, hateful brother mistreating you, and where on Earth were your parents(?!) I feel that you should know that you have untreated PTSD, and you will need to find a specialist in that field. And I know there’s support groups for abuse survivors, and if you feel alone, it’s often because people who haven’t suffered abuse will never ” get ” you. The churches will often throw the survivors under the bus, while supporting the abusers, actually ! As well as telling them they must forgive and let these abusers back into their lives. This has caused so much despair for survivors and blocks recovery and healing. Reconciliation and forgiveness are NOT the same thing ! Has anyone tried to force such things on you over your painful childhood ? Please start putting up boundaries up between you and your abusive relatives today. Nouthethic counseling, so popular in churches these days, is what that forced relating is all about, like with beaten wives, abused babies and kids. Outside of dealing with spiritual things, you’ve been gravely wounded since early childhood, up to the present, so my hope is, you will get away from those people ,and start getting real care and compassion. As for forgiveness, that will come later. Go no contact with the relatives, if this is what you want, surround yourself with those who love and support you and validate your right to peace and safety. Gentle online hugs.
Phillipians 4 helped me !
I hope it helps you
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.6 Do not be anxious about anything,but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Funny, when I’m in the flush with cash my advice, prayers etc. is identical to y’all’s, strange when I dive in head deep doing “Gods Will” or his work I’m defrauded by someone in a bible study I lead “claiming the Holy Spirit” to get in my circle of influence using Christ.!
ha,
He’s sitting in his $6.2Million home nice and comfy right now, while 8 other victims all short a few hundred thousand are not, and he got away Scott free with my life savings too!
I lost my 15 year career another 100K and left with hundreds of thousands in debt, a brain tumor and now a shitty resume. 2 years later I’m convinced all those years ( 8 ) or so I’ve led In ministry, seminary I just lied to myself based on the influence of other Christian friends that I “heard from God” honestly I didn’t hear anything (EVER) I love god and Christ and all that jazz. I’ve just realized after a couple decades I’ve never actually heard from him once. Not a whisper not a sliver not a hint, idk, maybe its far fetched to expect the alpha omega, Omni-present God to actually speak to me, why do we humans in this century so readily tell one another you’ll hear from God, instead of atleast saying it may be your concious of good thought,
I don’t get a feeling a nudge an urge a flutter of anything that I can pin to God. just something between him and me not for public like Pharisees etc. Nada…. ever unless you count reading the word in which case He talks to me every day! Just not the reciprocal feeling I get from humans which is great so I can image how great it’d be to hear feel or be graced by God.
Don’t you think if we ever heard from God we’d remember or atleast at minimum know it!!!!?
If I have to choose between helping a lady change her tire and robbing her was it God who spoke to me since I just changed her tire and didn’t rob her..???? Point being why do we Christians say God told us or God told me to tell you when it’s just a good vs bad decision wtf. I wonder how many lives are ruined daily from wise counsel telling others God told me to tell you…. every single person I’ve met I have asked have you ever had God speak to you…? They all have said NO (no not really it’s a silent whisper blah blah it’s another person, it’s it’s it’s it’s thier all mainly pastors, of course saved too.
Never once not a single soul ultimately admits to hearing from God in an audible way… hell if that’s the measurement the Bible tells us to use then how will anyone especially young immature believers ever expect to hear. . ah I wish we would be raw about it..when poo hits the fan, I’m faithful and still raise a hallelujah but after a few years it gets a little tougher to sing that song.
Honestly I’d just like to hear Christ one fucking time even though it may scare me, I’d then atleast on some level feel like I had a QUOTE “personal” unquote relationship, which is a bad description since he’s like a brick wall for a conversationalist…… I feel like it’s more genuine to just start saying he (Jesus) will never ever talk to you, but if you believe in him he’ll give you faith, (perfector of faith) so just trust it’s from him and the father and bam when your dead you’ll head to heaven, and finally get to have that personal relationship and conversation you’ve always heard about.
I don’t feel it’s genuine to bullshit anyone and tell them they’ll have a friendly caring relationship with him, again I’d love for him to prove it i just think he’s silent till we get to heaven.
If I’m not accurate and someone on this thread has actually definetly heard from God without reading thier bible or visiting a prayer group and hearing from a fellow member saying they heard that god said he wanted them to tell you he told them to tell you,
My Point, he’s God, mysterious true, personal…… nah. Amazing big holy yes!! So if he spoke or even felt you would know I would we would.
So Personal: no
I’m curious what I’m doing wrong I’ve read the word endlessly I pray 12-100 times daily, missions and spread the good news every chance I get. Just not gonna fib about a personal relationship cause it ain’t ever been that way, that’s deceiving, I do have those with many people but not God, and I love worship and church and prayer and people and all that jazz, but at the end of the day Usjng personals relationship is a very bad description…….it’s more of a one way convo with me doing all the talking. And reading to do some learning but yep not even a human type or even angelic type communication of any type from him…. wonder if he ever will grace me with his presence in a way another human doesn’t have to tell me, after all he is God why the Fk would I not know it’s God and have to ask someone or guess was that God ? I mean if my son wanted to connect with me in even a small way I’d atleast let him know he’s on the right path and give him some sort of hint I his father live him wtf.
Come on, he’s God surely if he did visit or communicate in code or any other manner outside even voice or audible I’d know, cause well…………….:.He’s God!
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
Love to hear some original reply oppose to mainstream gut feelings or typical response (cause I’m the king of encouragement when life’s going my way, I’m extra careful to be humble grateful and thankful never to take advantage of blessed life,… knowing hardship will come and god will deliver me (only this tune he’s forcing his hand closing all the doors he used to sling open, poo pile over poo pile then more poo right after another pile of poo!!! If God controls the good then he’s atleast allowing the bad which pisses me off (at him ) I still love the big guy though. Just ready for break thru and that father son relationship I’ve heard so much about and gave sought my entire life… eh. All the best.
How are you feeling now?
Hi, Anonymous. I just read your post, and where you mentioned this person sitting in his $6 million dollar house, that reminds me of what was done to my best friend almost 20 years ago. He was defrauded out of his childhood home by mortgage brokers who are deeply involved in the religious communities. Ultimately, he was killed by them, in a very clever way. This was nearly 15 years ago. I told him not to trust them with his property. And to get legal advice from real estate lawyers before doing any signing, but I was too late. There are so many predatory people in the churches, especially the American ones. Money, bling, image, take priority over love and honorable conduct. This is the main reason people are leaving the church. It’s understandable. I’d never tell someone to Chuck the faith. You CAN protect yourself from these evil financial scammers, that’s for sure. There’s ways to deal with these guys you describe in your post. You don’t say what field these characters are in, so I’ll just say that since they are a threat in the criminal sense, it’s fine to report them to the FTC, Consumer Trade Commission, D.A., the state,etc. You’ll be saving people if you do this. Pastors usually defend such people as these shysters, so keep mum, except with your fellow scam victims and the authorities. Don’t let on you’re seeking justice until you build and start a case. It helps the church, if anything, to purge these people right out the door. As for God speaking audibly, I often went through similar things, and looking back, it was just my mind and believing too many anecdotes and sermons. Keep th faith, and drop the jerks,you will be better off. Please let us know how it went, if you go after those con artists.
That’s it .. you said it “This religion shit really rots the soul” I agree so shake it abandoned it ! And tell you Father in heaven how hard your fight is , dont listen to anything or anyone just keep talking dont hold back cause you feel like your being disrespectful or your darkness stops God from hearing you ..let your flesh be silence and let you spirit begin to build a personal relationship with God and his son ..God is not way above you nor is he up to the right or left of you hes sitting rt next to you and nothing or nobody can interrupt or break the complete attention he is giving you and that is how it is every second of everyday for eternity DONT FAKE THE FUNK DONT TRY TO HARD MEMBER HES SEES AND KNOWS ALL … STRANGE THAT HE LIKES TO HEAR YOU SAY IT … wait mabey it’s not for him mabey it’s for ourselfs to hear it ?? I have to admit every thing I just told you is everything I myself need to apply to my own life …
Thank you, it is what I needed to hear. I myself have fallen and feel forgotten. I am at an end, I’ve given up on life along time ago. I’m trying to reach out and to just start living again with a smile and to want to smile. It’s hard for me at this point and I’m not even sure if I have the energy to want to start living.
In the dark
Hello everyone. I came online looking for a solution to end my own pain. I hoped to type,” how to die slowly and alone”. Then I fell upon this post read it to the end,and then read each comment especially with deep desire for Paul,and so many others. I should have been excited because some of what you said resonated with how I feel or felt about God especially in my moment of darkness now.I am saved and lead a prayer group so you would assume faith should be easier for me. Oh no. I leave in one of the poorest countries in Africa and I have witnessed suffering not just for myself and others. Today I was ready to give up but reading all the pain you have has reminded me of all the people around me. *Hope* that’s all we clutch to. My problems may never go. My past may never change. I may want to doubt the ability of the faith I’ve believed in,but deep down I don’t want to give up! I am just broken and hurt. The pandemic has taken so much from most of us. My friend’s mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and sent home to die. That’s when I met her and we became friends and begun praying together and trusting God. She’s goes for chemotherapy,somedays she’s in pain. But it’s her will to be alive and her faith that God is with her through this moment where death beckons her. I understand all your pain especially being in my pain myself. But I ask,do you have any more hope left to live?! I’m glad you all are writing your truths and using this platform. David was a man like most of us,he actually wrote in his Psalm arouse God and defend your cause. He was lost and in pain. If we never lose hope and fight a day to be alive we shall slowly feel this comfort and healing. I want you to picture the prayer of a mother in Syria living with bombs or a mother in Karamoja,Uganda where education or someone educated(I am grateful) is a luxury. Yet none of them ever gives up. I came here looking for how to give up or three ways to end my life but I found that I can go on living even with this uncertainty and pain that in a few days I maybe going to jail or will loose everything. God will come through for me,I don’t know how. I want to clutch onto this faith even if I’m at the gallows. Don’t give up!
Paul mate everything you went through sounds awful😳 my heart breaks for you I will keep you in my prayers and hope you can have trust and faith in God again! Take care of yourself brother life is very hard in this broken world
Oh, Paul, I’m so sorry. This is a very late reply.
HUMANS administrate the church, and all of us all are flawed. Please look toward the source, which you WILL be able to find in yourself, no matter how long it takes, if you relax into the deepest part of yourself. Please find the trust inside, and rid yourself of expectations about what the source will look like. It’s painful, and I’m definitely not there myself, but moments of insight fall upon us like an unexpected soft summer rain, seemingly unaware of the struggle and limitations of time.
Don’t listen to the humans, either acting from self-interest or doing the best they can to understand the true nature of things. None of us are perfect, none of us will totally understand (either the depth of your experiences or the vastness of reality).
But there is truth and love in you – evidenced by what you have said, and these are the foundation of your religion. Please cling to these, and to yourself… not your injury and depression, but the self you were born as, and you will find the PAUL you were meant to be: the ROCK… You will find a new founded church within yourself, and it will guide you through the inexplicable mysteries that we both suffer and rejoice in.
The voice may not come from the outside; it also can manifest slowly as a deep assurance growing slowly from within. Trust, acceptance of self, kindness to self (regardless of, and in contradiction to the indignities you have suffered), and tenacity of commitment in the face of setbacks will be required. Godspeed.
Paul, I’m sorry you went through the abuse. It is the intimate shame for someone who claims to be of Christ, can do what they do and sometimes get away with it. I was not sexually abuse by the Church, but have been wronged on many occasions by church members masquerading as uptight people. My ex-wife and in-laws, former bosses, all out in the face of righteousness, but were as evil as one can be. I suffer from depression. It’s been with me for most of my adult life. Thankfully, I’m not always in the dark. It comes in waves. Sometimes my head is above water and sometimes it’s under. I’m thankful that’s it’s not always dark. But when the darkness comes, it’s a sickening feeling that only the depressed can comprehend. Please don’t give up. Even though I have had an experience being in heaven (for just moments), I know it is real and waiting for me when the time comes. Even so, there are times (like right now) I feel lost and afraid. I’m not giving up my faith in God. Just remember, Jesus said there is only one unforgivable sin, and that is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. So, though you may turn from God now, he will welcome you back when you are ready. Find a Church, not a denomination. There is a difference. Take care and may God bless you
Paul,
God is angry about the sexual abuse that was done to you and Jesus said some very strong words to anyone who would harm a child like someone did to you. (Psalm 7:11, Mark 9:42). You were not in mortal sin for struggling with depression. You are right that religion can hurt you. Jesus, Himself, hated religion. He often gave the Pharisees long tongue lashings over their religion because they used it to oppress and abuse others. Then, they used their religion to abuse Jesus Christ. He was despised and rejected, a man of sorrows acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53). I hope you will get away from the roman catholic church who abused you and that you find good counselors who are able to help you heal from all the abuse you didn’t deserve. I, too, have felt like God is far away and I’m alone when I’m depressed. Our feelings lie to us. I hope you will find hope in knowing that Jesus already paid for all your sins on the cross. Once you believe that He did that for you, you are saved. You don’t need to work your way to Heaven. faithalone.org
Hi JannaG,
Very good advice you gave to Paul. Your last sentence about not having to work your way into Heaven.
I would refer you to, James 2: 17 through 26, which basically say that faith is dead without works (good deeds); or works are useless without faith. So yes you do have to work your way into Heaven, through good deeds.
Thanks and God Bless You, in Jesus name, Amen
No, none of us can ever do enough to get us into heaven. Christ died for that admission ticket. It just means words alone are hollow, we are to live in a way which reflects Who we belong to – and that means doing good things, but doing good things is not a prerequisite for eternal life. When we are saved, the “doing” is an outpouring of our “being.” Simple grace is far less complicated than you’re making it.
Hi Becky,
About having to work to get into Heaven. You say no on the basis that Jesus died and payed the for our sins. Yes Jesus did that, for our sins not for our good works. As people of God we are supposed to do good works that are in God’s will. On top of, “faith being dead without works and works are dead without faith”, I would point you to Matthew 7: 16-21. Before I continue I must bring up the fact that in the Bible the word fruit is used in place of work and tree for person.
Matthew
16 You’ll recognize them by their fruit. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes or figs from thistles?
17 In the same way, every good tree produces good fruit, but a bad tree produces bad fruit.
18 A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, neither can a bad tree produce good fruit.
19 Every tree that doesn’t produce good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20 So you’ll recognize them by their fruit.
21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the kingdom of heaven but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.
Basically this means that if you have been saved through Jesus, call yourself a Christian, but don’t do good works, you are like one of the trees that doesn’t produces good fruit. You will be cut down and thrown into the fire. God’s will is for us to do good works, something that every Christian is obligated to do. Faith alone won’t get you into Heaven. Good works alone won’t get you into Heaven. You have to combine faith and good works to get into Heaven. Jesus alone isn’t a free ticket into Heaven.
I don’t know if this will help you or not. It is how I see it though.
Thanks, may God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
No termine de leerlo x ke estas muy ekivocada desde antes de empezar a despreciarte, tienes ke voltear a tu alrededor ver ke es lo ke enrealidad importaybsintomas una drsicion deves preguntarte sinvale la pena, x ke esta pregunta? Por ke todas las desiciones ke aentoman y especialmente Las ke Tomas haciendo a un lado al amor de tu vida o a alguien ke solo fue uno mas en tu vida (pero ke te amava incondicionalmete)buenonespecial mente esas desiciones impactaran tu vida para bien o para mal,.
La diferiencia en tomar las desiciones de los 2 solo x ti afectan y bastante hay casos donde se ha perdido Todo absolutamente Todo lo ke se habia contruido ENTRE LOS 2 y solo x una drsicion egoista ke si se ubiese tomado x los 2 ahi trinfarian o se ekibocarian juntos y habria Grande’s satisfacciones o terribles perdidas y reclamos. Esto es x ke antes de describir tanta tragedia me doy cuenta ke no Dios podra alludarte en el daño provocado a ti misma o a ese.alguien ke enrealidad ni Vale la pena mencionarlo x ke nunca importo solo un 0 a la isquieda, un hombre mas en tu vida ke en pocos dias no importara o desde hace tiempo ke ya no lo miraste como parte de esto ke no se ke fue pero esposo definitivamente no yo mas bien diria el ke te arrimava las cosas ke ocupavas el ke te servia para descargar tu ravia y el ke fue tu objeto de burla para ti y tu ekipo, claro habia ke reirse despues de lo opacado ke estava tu corazon.tu estilo,forma y desepcion en tu vida han sidos provocados x tu egoismo,tu actitud, tu estupides,tu banidad y sobre todo x tus muy malas desiciones.solo deseo y recomiendo ke pongas los pies en la Tierra ke savorees el sabor de la satisfaccion al lograr tus metas con esfuerzo,felicidad y sobre Todo el Apollo y el estar con Los ke te Aman y amas. Se escucha complicado y si si lo es x eso lo ubieras disfrutado mas.
El dinero ke llega facil fasil se ira y lo peor ke no estaran a tu lado los o el see ke estuvo ahi para ti, en Las buenas y malas. No me gustaria kedarme para ver el final de tu historia pero de corazon te deseo lo mejor y ke la felicidad abunde en tu vida y ke lo ke mas desees lo puedas obtener.
Cuidate mucho de verdad marcaste una Gran y Hermosa experiencia en my vida, ke Dios te bendiga y ora mucho para ke in dia te puedas escuchar.☹️😘
To be quite honest so am I, i am a 65 yr old Christian man who should know better but can’t the sort of professional help without a price tag with it. But without the sexual thing as I am too fat and they could manage that sort of thing with me.
Come to think of it where is there the free help nèeded for men there isnt unless thers website in sheffield U.K.
God LOVES YOU!
I am sorry for what you have been through.
Hearing Gods voice is not a hard thing to do but it takes time to recognise him. It is not an audible, it a sensing of His voice. Practically, start reading the word aloud like the books of Psalms …or listen to it on audio. You will find that certain verses or parts of the word will be highlighted to you. That is the most common way your Father will speak to you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you.
Well, Snookums,
As Jesus suffered , so do we who believe and follow Him. They are called trials, sometimes a test of faith, sometimes admonition for our sins. Can you turn in the opposite direction and accept the trial? Non-believers, non trusters in the Lord get angry, throw stones at anyone and anything and give up faith. Give it a whirl. Just go with it for a bit.
I know you are probably lost and this is like a year late but God loves you. When you feel alone he loves and he loves you and he loves you and he reveals things in his timing even though that is hard but maybe this was your small voice finding this article God loves you and I love you too so please please go back to him
Paul, You are right. religion and condemnation never helped anyone. The fact that you can weep and recognize the evil done to you means that your heart is still alive. I am a Christian and I have vehemently hated God and cursed Him. He has not set me free from over 50+ years of anxiety, depression and heaviness. However, looking back it was my PAIN and HELL that drove me to Him. I thank Him that he did not heal me in my way or time because I would have spent my freedom in selfish sin and would have been a shallow, immature Christian. Have you ever considered forgiving the one(s) who molested you? I don’t believe you can without knowing Jesus Christ. I am going to pray that God would reveal Himself to you through His Son, Jesus Christ. He will meet you where you are with all your anger and pain.
Fuck God. Either He cannot comprehend my pain, is unable to do anything about it, or actively gets off on it. Whatever it is, I dont need a God who leaves me groping in the dark in fear and confusion. And I say fuck God, because I know He’s real. Im a misotheist, not an atheist. God gave me two crystal clear dreams, and then condemned me to the worst emotional and mental pain imaginable for 7 years. There was physical pain too, but nothing approaching the other two forms. I like having a pop at God. If he cant take it, he shouldnt dish it out.
Hello Paul, I don’t know you and I hope by the time I write this you are still living. Your pain is excruciating even as you type away. I’m sure it’s the young boy Paul writing whose life feels estranged to the adult Paul. I don’t know how old you are. I won’t re-echo what you already know or want to hear. I would say continue writing,cry,shout and scream until you find relief. I’m glad you wrote to this platform and no one will judge you. Btw the God you believe in is listening to you patiently. I am not a therapist,but I am broken woman who is trying to pick up my pieces. I will not lie to you about anything glorious. All I can tell you is little Paul you’ll find healing just never give up. You’ll be vindicated however if you feel or never get justice your soul will find rest. Nelson Mandela found his freedom even if his perpetrators never got punished. May your soul find healing. Only after healing will love and a sense of purpose make sense to you. Please continue letting that poison out by talking about it.
I liked what you had to say until the cursing! And with our Lord and Savior name!!
There is no sin or blasphemy He will not forgive. That what the Bible says. I am not proud that I cursed the one who died for me. I think He would rather have genuine anger hurled at him rather than indifference or pious, insincere righteousness.
Nothing is your fault, Paul.
It’s not your fault Jesus really does see your tears, you must trust him even when you can’t trace him
whats the cost
Paul I’m very sorry for what is occurring for you, I ask that you will continue to keep going. But please resist, resist the devil and he’ll flee from you as it states in James 4:7. Please, refrain from giving up, and please refrain from using Jesus’s name like that. His name is Holy above all the angels as it states in Philippians 2:9.
I understand. My life has been/is/continues to be tumultuous and painfully frightening. The only way I get through is by reading or hearing the truth about all this. I can only offer what encourages me and helps me hold on day..by…day because “it is” a daily struggle. I started where I feel the best place “is” to start learning and understanding the truth of how to hang on and start feeling better. I went to 911 in the Bible. The middle of the Bible is Psalm 91:1 which means Chapter 91, verse 1. Start reading and the truth will absorb and begin to wash the darkness of your soul. This is the only place I know that truly understands the crushing of my spirit. The words I’m reading are exactly what I’m feeling. Finally I found a place where the more I read the more sadness I can and do release as it expresses my brokenness as if completely understanding. I continue on and found for the first time a true friend. Right there with me speaking such loving and tender words I desperately sought and critically needed in my darkest hour. The more I read the better I begin to feel. My pain is real. Physically and emotionally, yet I now know where to turn for tenderness, understanding, encouragement and hope. This is how you will hear God’s voice by reading His words. I’m continuing to read as I thirst for more. I don’t want to lose this hope. I press in and read further and this is when/where I found comfort for my soul. I begin to cry and gushing my eyes rush blinding tears…You do understand God. I never knew you felt this way about me. You ARE here with me, because I’m reading YOUR words and this what YOU are telling me. I desperately want/need to hear more. I continue to read. Yes, I am with you just leaped off the page! I sob and release my sorrow to Him and I begin to pray…. Everyday I need strength. Every day I need my friend. I need and want more truth, light and healing of my soul. Whoever you are that I’m writing to, please try what I did and do. Go to God’s 911. Psalm 91:1. Meaning the book of Psalm, chapter 91, verse 1 and start reading. The Bible is how God talks to you and praying is how we speak back to Him. I have faith this is where you will find Him and from there, He’ll show you the way …. Love, a fellow sufferer
I understand how you feel, Paul. Though I long to hear that still small voice the provides divine guidance…I hear nothing.
Not everyone is going to hear a still small voice. I dont hear it but songs come to my mind that speak to my situation or I open my Bible and turn to a verse that was just what I needed. God speaks in different ways. We just have to pay attention.
💝💝💝💝💝💝💝
Paul,
I just read this article and then your comment. I feel your pain brother. And it is the church’s fault of the day. They have water down the true gospel of the living Jesus, the one who lives in you and never leaves. They are blinded the eyes of people, they’ve cast judgement on the ones who have suffered thinking somehow it’s their fault. I’ve got news for you ITS NOT YOYR FAULT! These people are shutting the kingdom of heaven in peoples faces, making it impossible to believe that his glory as in you and all people. He is with you whether you feel it or not. He is with you whether you see any change. I have felt exactly like you do and that’s why I sought out an article to do with the pain and the absence of God. But I know the truth… He loves you!
I meant to speak to Paul, I meant to say hang in there. Please check out our website. The truth is many of the churches of the day of water down the true gospel of believing that his glory lives in all people. If you suffer it doesn’t mean you’re in sin . For he finished sin on the cross!!
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
It’s their fault for they shut the kingdom of heaven in peoples places by refusing to believe in the glory of God in them. It Blinds people and keeps them in the dark. Hang on.! He’s got you! Shoot me an email anytime you want to talk about this!
Hang in there
Email: christykarloff@mail.com
Website: power-walking.org
I understand
Im very sorry to hear you had to endure sexual abuse. I’m also sorry your church wasn’t there for you and blamed you. I also had to change from the Roman Catholic church after hearing one of the priests at my church was abusing the alter boys. 🙁
Its not your fault, some things happen and it’s okay to have depression. Sometimes our pain can make it hard to hear things even when we need it but just have the hope he is there because he is every day of your life. Every step you take he is watching over you, taking care of you, loving you. Nomatter what your church says, God accepts your pain. It’s not giving in, it’s not a sin, it’s life. He knows we have to go through some of these things but if you trust in him he will be there. I’m sorry you had such a horrible experience with this but don’t give up because God won’t give up on you.
Dear Paul, i don’t know if you will even get to see this reply so long after your original post. I am so sorry for the disappointing, though well-meaning i’m sure, responses below. You revealed something so tragic and painful, and i haven’t read one response below that acknowledged the horror you endured. I am so sorry for what was done to you. You didn’t deserve that. You were created with purpose and love, and I can only imagine how being sexually abused has hurt you and changed your worldview and maybe your view of yourself, in ways many of us cannot comprehend. To add more insult to painful injury, you sound like you have endured even more pain from the church, a place that should be a refuge but wasn’t for you. You have wept alone, in agony, looking for answers that didn’t come. I am so sorry. Of course you don’t believe in God after what you’ve endured. why would you? No it is not your fault. you didn’t deserve the abuse done to you – that was all because of your sick abuser(s). And you do not deserve to carry the weight of it all alone. I am sorry for the tone deaf response below that made it seem like choosing to follow and have a personal relationship with Jesus is a natural response to the tragedy that you’ve suffered – it is not. there is no “natural” path from unimaginable suffering pain to Jesus. It is true that many come to a relationship with Jesus out of coming to end of ourselves, battered by the world and being called by a Savior who wants to show us that there is more. But it’s not something that just happens. many don’t wake up in the same agony with which they fell asleep the night before and think that they need Jesus. if it were that simple, the entire would would have a relationship with Him. if anything pain has the great power and potential to drive us far from Christ because we cannot reconcile the love of God with the pain we are suffering. we weren’t meant to, because we weren’t created to suffer. Our suffering is the result of a fallen, sinful world that we inherited. So now here we are. That’s why i stated above that it makes perfect sense, after what you’ve suffered, that you don’t believe in God. Faith doesn’t make sense. That’s why it’s faith. There is no “logical” reason that our pain should result in a relationship with Jesus.
i want to share with you the good news. that in the midst of your pain, there is a Savior who has seen every atrocity done to you, every tear you have wept, every thought you’ve never expressed out loud. He died for you, for the pain that you are suffering, so that you don’t have to suffer it alone. If you will allow Him, He will carry it with you and for you. I won’t promise you that if you call out to Him, some dramatic event will happen or you’ll hear His voice. I CAN promise that He will hear yours. If you are willing, please cry out to the Lord and ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. Acknowledge to Him that you cannot bear the sins of this world, the sins that were done to you, the sins that have broken your heart, violated your body and hurt your spirit, and that you cannot bear the weight of your own sins. Admit to Him that you need Him to wash them all away from you and carry them for you. By putting your faith in Christ to rescue you, you will belong to Him, and He will welcome you lovingly and begin to mend the broken, battered, bruised places. He will prepare a place for you in Heaven, assuring you that there is more to life than the present sufferings. If you let Him. Grace by faith is a gift if you choose to receive it. I will remember you in my prayers.
This is a beautiful and loving response. God bless you🙏
I pray as you are at crossroads that you see Jesus Christ, the word of God who became flesh as the true One. Man may fair but God never does.
It’s the abuse and pain and hatred and anger that rots the soul. Not faith, not religion, not Jesus, not God and not you either. Your under attack from the evil one, the enemy. He attacked you through your abuser and he’s still torturing you. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray that you be delivered from evil, comforted and healed. God bless you and protect you always. 🙏
This pain and abuse is not your fault.i know its hard i syrigle with meantal illness too.but God is fighting for you even when you dont feel him.even david had deep pain and felt as if gh God abandoned him at times. Even jesus said my God my God why have you forsaken me?but god will neve leave you even in the silence and deserts.❤❤❤
💜 mary
I dont know what you’re personally going through but I have been abused myself by my mother. I blamed God, hated him, and was so angry with him for creating me because I felt I had no purpose but to be hurt. I wrote that I hate God on my bedroom wall as a teenager because he wouldnt let me be anyone but me. I kept wandering how he could create trash like me. I had low self esteem, swallowed 6 pills hoping to die, etc. For a decade I would pray and felt like God did not even care about me but he does. I have seen changes in myself that creeped up when I was not even looking. God does not promise a life without pain but he promises to be there with us through it. Stay in prayer, if you’re,not hearing anything, then keep praying. God speaks to everyone differently. I dont hear a still small voice but songs come to my mind and sometimes I open my Bible and immediately see a scripture that is exactly what i needed. Also, there is work we have to do as Christians. Have you sought counseling? God works through counselors and also find another church. No one should be condemning you like that. Don’t give up because God is amazing. Nothing you come upon is better than he is.
I know how you feel. what happened to you is wrong in every way it was not your fault, and it is unfortunate that you need to do the work to process the emotions, however from experience i can tell you self pity does you no good. Ditch the religion seek to understand the creator through his word, knock and the door will open seek and you shall find. He never promised us ease but He did promise to be there keep at it, giving up is not an option, rest if you must but keep at it.
Me too. I have also gone through years of sexual abuse and told no one I was struggling. Felt like dying everyday. Not something a child should ever experience. However, god has taken away all feelings of depression from that time in my life and now, I wouldn’t change anything about my past because I see the truth about his love which overcomes the struggle of this world. He can take away anyone’s burden when it’s time. The mystery of Gods works will never be understood but everything he does is for us to prosper. He loves you and has always been there waiting. He feels what you feel and he felt what I felt. Anyway, that’s just my experience. (I know this reply is 2 years after your comment but I just felt like writing haha)
Never loose hope…I understand your pain,cos I have been tru it,and it has not stopped,am unemployed for almost 8years now,it has not been easy but I know there is light at the end of the tunnel..Peace!❤
Paul, I totally get you! I hope you did not commit suicide! If for no other reason I’m here to tell you that I’m at a crossroads too! I had a heart attack 2 years ago which almost killed me and I wish it would have! And point then it wouldn’t be my fault that I was dead! Please text me back me back and maybe we can work through this together together!
Paul it’s Saturday Sept 11 2021 8:53 am eastern time. I was wondering just where you are now ( mentally) spiritually
I’d love to talk to you. I was in your situation for decades.
His there and He loves you!
Hello Paul, I am working on my faith with the lord, and striving to follow him while building up your strength to fight through whatever battle that tries to pull me downing my journey. Jesus will never ever vanish, or give up on his children (YOU)! Jesus does not have, nor will ever have even one grain of sand of bad in him. He is everything and all that good, healing, and powerful. You have free will weather or not you choose to call him for help, and want his help. He never fails you or his promises for all of his children that seek him. Have full faith that nothing bad is gonna happen to you if you believe his word with all of your strength trust in his word. All Suffering has meaning in his kingdom, pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Our Lord. When my depression tries to pull me down and I “try”to seek the lord when I’m struggling desperately for him to save me from this terror. I rarely ever get an instant valid response from The lord for my urgent needs. It is because I am not fully trusting in his help and promises. He has control as to weather we get that help when we are desperate. Only he knows what we need, don’t get upset when you didn’t get what you “desired”. He will give it to you need it on his terms. Jesus is not A vending machine you don’t get to choose your “planned” desires when you think you can, instead he knows what is best for us so let him work on building your needs that will surely build you, rather than dwelling on requests that aren’t gonna help us reach his faith. Be patient, never give up, and know that anything and everything that happens in your life is for a reason. So accept the pain, gain strength and knowledge, and give him all of your worries, BIG or SMALL. Just always remember when you are feeling like giving up on your faith, that our lord and savior Jesus crust will never give us anything we could never handle. God bless you Paul, let’s run to our father, praise him, give our all strength into our lord, gain his knowledge, spread his word, see him in every little thing you do, and follow him home.😇🥰🥰🥰🥰
Paul, I am feeling your pain this morning as I came across this post in a search with a different question of my own. Sonething led me hear, and though I know your post is from two years ago, I pray that God will touch your heart with my words and those of all who have taken the time to respond to you here.
There are so many people in the Bible who had good reason to feel abandoned though their circumstances were different, but they never gave up. (Jesus himself uttered the question from the cross.). One who is particularly encouraging to me is Job, who was so miraculously and incredibly rewarded for his faith and patience throughout all the years of painful losses and sickness that Satan had put him through.
It is Satan who is causing your doubtfulness because he knows that deep down you really want to have faith and to believe. Don’t give him what he wants!
Praying for you.
I pray you are ok Paul.
Paul my heart goes out to you, you suffered from horrifying intense trauma, you didn’t deserve what happened to you at all and there are trained trauma specialists who are far more capable of guiding survivors of sexual abuse towards some relief and healing than pastors and church goers. EMDR therapy and hypnotherapy are also examples of trauma therapy tools to reclaim your life. Spiritual faith alone is not a cure-all and people who purpote such notions are either just ignorant or being downright heartless to someone suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder induced by horrific events or horrible people doing unimaginably cruel things to others. I hope you’re doing better these days. Sometimes we need to just put our mental health first before turning to spirituality and not everyone will understand that especially in a religion-dominant society where faith is preached to us so much that the word God is even printed on every dollar bill we use to make or spend money to survive in this world which is pretty sickening in a way.
I’m sorry that happened to you Paul.. I hope you can change your perspective on who God is, coming from a screwed up church like that I’m sure it’s hard to belive God would be there for you. I don’t like the big corporate churches. I usually find my God in nature and peace and quiet can be my church. Take care buddy
Paul, I’m so sorry for the torcher and pain someone evil has caused you. I really wish I could set up the meeting between every evil person and God for judgement day. I saying a prayer for you brother and hope brighter days await for you. Just know I love you my friend and God loves you as well.
I concur
Don’t give up on Jesus. I have been abused too as a child; however, now I have been in a marriage for over 30 years and I am spoil rotten. The marriage has been great and all the pain from the abuse as a child is gone. Keep the faith, God has great things for you.
Isaiah 41:10
I don’t often get a small voice. But you can trust in His word! He speaks very clear there and its unmistakable and 100% trustworthy.
Either way that you have chosen Paul, God’s going to avenge you, in no small way. Trauma and depression are hard to live with. I know, that’s how I came to this very comforting post. I’ve given up on being/feeling ok on this side of heaven. I can live with that if God is with me and for me. Who knew that being a dark Christian was ok? Reminds me of Batman somehow. I can live with that. It’s been a couple of years since your post. I hope you are ok-ish. I’m not indifferent to what you had to say. I care. There is unspeakable evil and injustice in the world. I’m sorry that happened to you. It makes me really sad.
Paul it’s not “your fault” you’re not experiencing something similar to others, NOTHING you’ve been through is your fault. Those to blame are those that harmed an innocent child (and rest assured they will reap the horrors of their karma: “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Newton’s third law and a scientific explanation of how karma works.) I didn’t have positive experiences with religion growing up and don’t even like the term “god” to be honest. What I have found in life, however, is that there seems to be intelligence embedded within all energy, and there is constant communication with all of “this” (aka life/reality). Our thinking (which a lot of spiritual circles refer to as “ego” or “the egoic mind”) is disruptive to this communication, as it is often the loudest voice we experience internally. This is why when we are in the depths of despair a light will often “shine through” or a “voice” will be heard. It is in those moments that we’re too exhausted to think and our chatty “mental voice” becomes quiet enough for us to “hear”. Have you tried meditation? With time, different states of brainwave activity can be experienced and in these states the brain stops chatting altogether.. This, as you can imagine, is when all sorts of fascinating magic occurs.
Anyway, I want to thank you for your bravery and honesty. You didn’t deserve what was done to you but you certainly deserve the peace I’m POSITIVE you will find. You’re allowing your feelings and seeking ways to FEED YOUR SOUL. Keep going. You’re on the right path and the answers WILL FIND YOU. Sending Love, Jenni
I feel abandoned, wonder why Gods love isn’t for me. Why he can’t love me Ike everyone else. My Dad was evil. Molester of his kids & countless others, rapped me, abused me emotionally & physically too. Everyone knew but never helped. Now I’m an addict & alcoholic. I’ve lost anything that has meant anything to me. My Dad infected me & my little sister w his hep C blood and laughed. She died in 2008, and I’m still here, homeless, my kids hate me, addict, no money, no home, car, friends, or hope. I cursed him for 7 yrs & I knew I wasn’t going to win against God, I was just so hurt and angry.. It seems trials never leave me. Back to back to back it’s always something. Now my health & I’m fighting to climb out of this. I want forgiveness and to feel Gods love. I need to know I mattered and I feel worthless, can’t get going w out a pint of vodka and smoking a couple hits of meth. And my attitude is so awful. I’m an x convict. I get no low income home or nothing and shelters here are always full and these people kill people daily. I have 8 grandbabies that love me. Even tho no presents from me, no candy, no zoo. Why has my life been nothing but pain. Yes I cud have been stronger but I wasn’t and I’m 53 & I don’t want to leave this world like this. I want to make a difference if can. My kids to be proud. Plez pray for God to tear down these walls and remove curses plez save me and teach my heart to fully understand the love of God and have a genuine relationship that I not waver. Thank you. Amen. God bless
The religion in Rome teaches you to pray to dead saints and exalt Jesus’ mother over Him and His Lordship and His atonement Alone. I hope He has revealed Himself to you. I pray something has changed for you. Because absolutely not, This religion is true and it does Not rot your soul. Learn of Him, read Matthew and John and go from there.
Wow
It is not your fault. No innocent child ever deserves anything but love and to be cherished. What hurts the most is that so much has been done by evil within the Church that the good and holy became obscured. I was born and raised a Catholic I’m now 65. I endured my mother’s beatings by my father from age 1 to 4. She left after listening to the church in 1963 to go back. It was that time in history. At age 28 I started looking at my faith as n my own it was like peeling the layers of the onion. I fell in love with my faith not just going thru the motions as a child. I struggle with anxiety and depression endured my fathers suicide news of 4 hours after giving birth.
I started reading the Bible I realized the words cut through joints and narrow. After an especially sad time I would pray and just open my Bible it fell open to 2 Corinthians Ch 12. My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Eucharistic adoration. It’s somewhere in a parish near you. Google The Real Presence it lists every parish with adoration in all 50 states. I’ve received his guidance he led me to my answers for my now 32 yr old daughter. I took her at age 4 to adoration with me and I said you created her give me the map I’m not asking you to fix her but tell me how to help her. She couldn’t learn to read. Every door opened slowly as long as I kept seeking and faith faith faith. Believe candy know he loves you. The hardest part is during your abuse he was inside you and felt everything. When he said what you do to others you do to me. It means exactly that. As far as the evil priests the day of reckoning is here and Jesus is going to purify the Church thru blood and persecution and she will once again be holy. In the meantime please go to adoration and find a Holy Church. They are there. Go to adoration pray and read the Bible. He is waiting for you.
God bless you Paul. I will pray for you to find healing and peace. Don’t give up.
I’m so sorry. I hear your pain in your words. And I care. I am far from God but I miss Him. I miss fitting in with Christians. Lost my faith when my son died. But I know others have lost their child and didn’t lose their faith. I’m so lost. I hate that you are or were in such a dark place. I hope Jesus has showed His love to you and healed your heart by now. One thing I do know is that trust in Jesus’ death alone (not church or religion or keeping sacraments) can save a soul from eternal torment in Hell. I still haven’t figured out the secret to joy in this life when your world is shattered by pain, depression, anxiety, and tragedy you don’t know how to bear.
You are lucky to have a woman with such deep Godly wisdom!
I don’t know what to say. God healed me of my depression. Now I have the clear minded privilege of hearing my daughter sexually abused and tortured every day of her life and I spend my days wondering why the hell haven’t I taken my pathetic life already. I pray and talk to God but all I keep hearing is pray. I’ll do it for her. I wouldn’t believe in God if not for my children. I’m poor and vulnerable because of my long bout with severe debilitating depression. 18 years worth. Now who can I thank for that little gift? We overlook many things God does because we’re desperate but would we be desperate if God hadn’t made us that way? Questions anyone?
Jesus died on the cross for you and your children, you are Worth more, and your children even more so, please get out of that situation that’s not God’s will for your life. Jesus loves you and so do I.
I just read this post now, and I DO have a question : is there anyone you can go to who can help your daughter that is being abused. And get her rescued. Do the police know about this yet ??
Stop blaming God for your weakness. If you are listening to your daughter being abused and you have a communication device in your hands you are responsible for not helping her. You are responsible as her parent to protect her. How dare you sit there asking why God made you weak. You are responsible for your own decisions and choices. You are allowing your daughter to be abused. Not taking responsibility for her care or for your own actions. SHAME on you. May God bless and protect your innocent child. And may you wake up, get up, grow up, cop on, take responsibility and stop being such a pathetic whinging abuser. It doesn’t matter.. yes it does!!! An innocent child is suffering and your whining about yourself. Your on a path to Hell.
No one should abuse your child not for shelter or food do you stay. Walk away with the clothes on your back and as you walk look up to heaven and tell God that he either feeds you and your children or gives you the grace to starve to death but no way are you going to seat around and allow anyone to abuse your child. He has not given you a spirit of fear but of love and sound mind Walk away for the sake of that child and watch the Lord God of Israel provide as he does for the birds of the air. Dare to believe even as your heart and knees shake act on that believe.
May the Lord God of Israel grant you a fighting spirit to walk away despite the fear you have of lack . put aside false shame and guilt may he remind you that you are precious to Him , and that He knows how to make all things new in due time. If he provides for the brids in the air He will provide for your children and you. Walk away from that sexual abuse for the sake of your children and yourself
DAMN…(in Christian belief) be condemned by God to suffer eternal punishment in hell.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WISH ON YOUR WIFE’S/GIRLFRIENDS beautiful WORDs???
Why do Christians insist on doing what the world does? We are to be Uplifters not “damners”. I know, that’s not what you meant by it. But that’s just like the people who take God’s name in “vain” and if called out on it, in surprise they also respond, “I didn’t mean it like that”. Brother, let’s be holy even as He is holy.
Peace.
P.S. your photography is BEAUTIFUL.
Believe it or not, my 16 year old daughters name is Micah Robinson. She struggles with severe anxiety and depression. She and I both. All we have is Jesus and each other. It fosters a very intimate relationship with God.
Thank you for your testimony.. I pretty much screwed the majority of my life up, was on several different drugs, lost custody of my kids, boyfriend beat on me, I ended up finding Jesus in 2017… got Baptized December 10, 2017… been clean since October of 2017… got custody of my oldest child back and had another baby.. go to church every Sunday.. but I too struggle greatly with depression.. it’s like no matter how hard I try and everything is seemingly perfect in my life now, there is still something so dark inside me that I can’t get rid of … I can suppress it for a while … then it comes back with a vengeance.. sometimes it’s like I hear something in the back of my mind telling me just to kill my self to end it all. And I know it’s satan , I know it is , but after reading your story I realized what I am doing wrong .. I keep trying to fix myself , I keep trying to fight satan myself .. but I can’t , no human can.. only God .. and even when I feel completely alone, even when I think I can’t go on, I have to remember he’s carrying me through it … we as unanswered often misconcept that once we become Christians life is perfect. No it’s actually much harder … it’s easy to be bad to be evil, it’s so hard to live for God … it’s hard to be good . You’re story reminded me so much of myself .. I actually was googling something to help spark inspiration and I found this and I thank you… don’t lose heart.. as I won’t either … no matter how and the hurt , God wil give us a way of escape , and satan will leave then come back again.. but we have to lean on Jesus to win the battle … I truly believe I will suffer the remainder of my life on this earth, but there is relief on the other side , there is life after death, and I can’t wait to fall at the feet of Christ and weep with joy and thank him for everything … it’s nice to know I am not alone .. some pain never truly leaves us .. I struggle the most trying to bury all the horrid memories … I know one day god will set me free .. the light always overcomes the darkness .
Hi, Shannon. I’ts almost 1:30 am and I read this blog,your post. I just wanted to mention that it sounds like you may have undiagnosed PTSD from childhood trauma. Many of us do. Congratulations on your sobriety in 2017. It’s not un- Christian to get help for these issues, so I hope you will. Good night.
I was having a severe mental BREAKdown earlier but God spoke to me thru you . Thank you ! God Bless you even more !!!!!!!! 🤗 You healed my heart today even if I feel so alone and scared because of the enemy . I love you !
Oh my gosh I don’t know how to get ahold of your wife . But I came across this and just wept in the bath because im going through hell. Please tell her thank you so much for touching my heart .
Im working right now on killing myself and correcting some things before we do so.
Thanks for helping me understand my Grandson Aaron, ( I have to say his name ) a little bit better❤God bless Us.
Hello well I am in that darkness but it’s torment for me and I feel lots a miles away from Jesus trying to go for help
When I am in the throws of torment I listen to the psalms and cry myself a river as I grit my teeth with self loathing and fear, In those moments do I long to die? do I long to escape any way possible? yes and yes. But of this I am sure. I cant and I wont. Therefore I dig my heels in; face my torment and pain in the face as I feel my gut and every cell in m body explode with anguish and remind myself that this too shall pass. I hold tight to His spoken truth that I am a sinner saved by graced, and it is for me that He came, I might not love myself but he sure does love me and His love is not based on my feelings thus no hell or high water can take that fact away from me. May the Lord God of Israel find you in the throws of your pain and seat with you as you fight to hold on to life in this fallen world with the assured hope of eternal bliss in the life here after at His appointed time.
I don’t know if I am replying correctly to this article. Thank you so much for it. I really enjoyed it and there is so much truth to it. A few weeks or a month ago I read that verse about making my bed in hell. I know His comfort and I live in that darkness a lot. He is so real. I am so thankful for His Holy Spirit and to see this tonight. I can’t stop crying. God bless you and all who reads this.
So beautiful. God bless you both and grace and peace to you all.
Richest blessings to you both! ❤️🙏🌈💙🌈🙏❤️
Sugar and sweeten it up oh so nice!
So much spiritual maturity contained in those paragraphs! Deep stuff. Things that, once you know them, I mean really know them, no way can the devil shake them loose! They will carry you from here to there and back again. I have begun a practice that really helps me. I’d like to share it in hopes it may help someone else. Each and every day, I say – out loud – “I love you, too, Jesus. I love you, too.” Too, because I know that He has already said it to me. In a myriad of ways. Thank you!
I love that practice, Janet ❤️ it’s amazing how much we are changed by the simple things, like just saying what we know to be truth out loud. Thank you so much for sharing!
Sarah,
Truly, you are a kintsukoroi. Google it: Parable of the kintsukoroi. More beautiful because of the broken places.
Janet,, maybe it has been a while since you’ve been out here. Thank you for your suggestion to tell Jesus that I love him as well. I I too am going through an incredibly challenging.period Of depression. I am believing in faith that crying out to Jesus that I love him as well will help me to navigate this season of my life. It’s such a simple thing. Thank you for the encouragement.
What about youvevtried those things and still plunge into a deep dark place where you want to die? JIM!!
Keith, Several people in the Bible told God they wanted to die too. I have told God the same many times because I have been in chains for 50+ years. His ways and thought are higher than ours. Sometimes He allows pain to continue to burn away the sin and shallowness of “us” so that we can be conformed into His image.
Keith, I share your desperation. My faith is tested every day, and I am all but dead. I pray for you to find your peace, whatever that may be. Please say a prayer for me.
Surrender means knowing what you want and accepting that you might not get it because you no longer belong to yourself. Grieve your inability to take your own life not because you dont know how to but because it is not yours to take. accept that you might never shake that feeling all the days of your life and then like Job say” thou you slay me yet will I praise you”. the deepest praise comes from a broken heart and wounded soul that knows this life is temporary albeit it might feel never ending.
I can relate to this to this SO much. I felt like God told me the same thing when I was going through a time of depression–that He was with me in the darkness. It was all I needed to hear. Thanks so much for sharing this! The world needs more Christians who will talk honestly about this topic.
Sara, I’m so glad you had the same experience. It’s amazing how those kind words really do change everything. Thank you for sharing your experiences! I’m honored to have you here ❤️
I love how you said “honestly.” I’ve been banking on beautiful verses thinking it will fix my situation until I understood the context of the verses. Got me disappointed in myself when I realized God was speaking to a different audience at a particular time. This article reassures me that although my situation may not get fixed, at least I’m not alone as I persevere through it.
Well, here is another Robinson response – all that I will say: what Indescribable Beauty – what Great Love – what Faithfulness & all well beyond any persons ability to adequately express – The Love Of God. Keep Looking To Jesus.
He is so faithful ❤️ Thank you, Dennis!
I feel lost and confused about life right now I can’t stop thinking about dieing like what happens when you die I say it to myself e Friday it seem like
Study near death experiences. They can help you understand.
Sarah,
I can’t say much more than…Thank you so much. Maybe when my head comes up from under the water. I will be able to tell you what I really feel. But, for right now, I wish I could give you a hug. I will settle for crying and saying thank you.
Oh, Barbara ❤️ I so wish I could give you a hug, too. Knowing it means something to you is all the thanks I could hope for!
I’ve felt and feel so many of these these things. I haven’t had that response from Him yet, but maybe reading this is a part of it. Thank you for sharing.
I received almost the same thought / message from the Lord just yesterday ! I had taken my fiancé to the hospital for a procedure . Dreading this trip as it was the same hospital my husband died in four years ago after a battle with cancer . I had to park a long ways from the hospital and walk after dropping the patient off . As I walked along underneath the trees memories flooded my mind . Dark memories . Then suddenly I feel a gentle breeze and in my
Spirit I heard “I have never left you and I never will . “ I felt such peace ! Peace that I’ve needed for four years .
Thank you for the difficult subject you have shared. Your words mean so much to me, especially God telling you He is with you in the darkness. Two years ago, my life shattered into a million pieces. I lost almost everything, including 92% of my eyesight, so my darkness is also physical. I’m learning to live with my physical and visual limitations, but it isn’t easy. Sometimes, the darkness is so deep and the depression so intense, I feel like I can’t breathe. I love my Lord. I truly believe He is with me through everything, but it’s difficult to always “know” He’s there. It’s hard when people tell me I should be thankful to be alive. I want to be thankful, but most of the time I’m not because I don’t really feel alive anymore.
Oh, what a gift you and your writing are! I’ve just discovered your blog today. Will read in depth … but one thing I want to say right away is Thank You for acknowledging the physicality of this condition we call “depression.” I was born with it, and its basis was biological — a two-month premature birth with serious medical crises which required three months of isolation — in the late 1950s. My mother was not allowed to touch me; we did not bond. I’ve been paying for that loss of attachment my entire life. The form of depression (often considered “treatment-resistant”) is anaclitic depression — aka “failure to thrive.” I am amazed that I am alive…and every day, I tread water to stay alive. I was handed down a terrible legacy that was no one’s fault. My spiritual life, and my faith, have helped me to stay in the world…and they have been steep challenges to maintain. How to sense God’s love when my beginning was devoid of human/maternal love? ~ Yet, somehow, I hang onto a slim thread of belief.
So, thank you, and bless you, Sarah. I will read more deeply. I feel that I’ve been handed a lifeline. There is God, prodding my soul in a salving direction…
Beautiful testimony
I stumbled across your blog after a friend on Facebook shared a post. It is so familiar to me…like words I could’ve written myself. You articulate the struggle so beautifully and honestly. The see-saw between desperation and hope in Jesus is so exhausting and confusing. Your bravery is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
I have an anonymous blog, http://www.squarepegsdrumsandbuttholes.com, where I empty my thoughts. Don’t be distracted by the “buttholes” part…it’s in reference to the saying “opinions are like buttholes, everybody has one”, lol. Many of my posts mirror your own, though I am anonymous and I tend to have a trash mouth when I am down in the murky depths of depression.
Pray for me and I will pray for you and this monster will not overtake us. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is there in the darkness with me. -hugs-
Sarah,
You voice what so many feel, experience, and fight—but are afraid to say out loud—therefore, struggling along on their own. They dare not voice it, not in society, not in the church, for fear of reprimand: snap out of it, pray harder, have more faith, get a grip on your life. Thank you for phrasing it so eloquently with such tenderness and astounding insight.
Having struggled deeply myself the past twelve months, first with devastating loss and then with a brutal culmination of protracted workplace abuse, the sense of hopelessness and worthlessness at times become overwhelming. All the while burdened even further with the teachings a Christ follower can’t feel those things. That it’s “wrong.”
Which is not true.
Jesus was a man of sorrows. Jesus wept. He had wounds. Even after the resurrection he still had scars (in his hands.)
I am only beginning to understand a little about the place of pain and suffering and brokenness in our world.
Yes, He sits indeed with us in the darkness, walks alongside us, carrying us. It is part of the brokenness until he restores it for good.
For now, we will have trouble and suffer, but we are not alone, we are not without hope. He has overcome it and will restore it. (John 16:33)
Thanks, Sarah!
Thank you for sharing your pain and hope. It has helped as my family and I have recently gone through an unimaginable tragedy of losing my brother. 💛
I’m so, so sorry you’re experiencing such pain. My heart is breaking with you. Thank you for letting me walk alongside you, if just through a few words.
Smug self righteous cunt.
God is a respecter of persons and ypure fucking stupid for the BS SMALL STILL VOICE YOU THINK YOU HEARD. Christian cliches again. Zzzz
Thank you for this! Reading it may have left me with tears streaming down my face, but they are tears that were good tears. This is such a wonderful reminder. I’ve grown up with the mindset that anything could be worked through and I believe it can still, but ONLY when everything is completely placed in God’s hands. We have to completely trust Him during those moments when absolutely nothing makes sense and we don’t understand even ourselves or the darknessnwe find ourselves in in! Thank you for the encouraging verse, (Dueteronomy 31:8). God has never left and He never will. My life is completely in His capable hands and even the things that look so fruitless and confusing through my human eyes, have a purpose that will be right in line with His plan for my life. It is perfectly ok to just BE STILL and know that He is GOD!
This is so beautiful. I’m crying. Thank you for sharing this and your story. You’re not alone.
Thank you for writing this. I was desperate for an answer from God as to why I’m the way I am right now, and He answered my plea through you and your story.
So beautiful and raw. I feel a small flame of hope.
What if this still doesn’t help? What if I know all those things and that He’s with me but it doesnt seem to help me. I still wanna give up.
LMK, that’s such a good question. I absolutely get that.
And here’s the truth: even after coming to this realization, I’ve still had times I’ve felt helpless. I’ve still had times I’ve wanted to give up. It didn’t fix anything for me emotionally or mentally. It didn’t take away my struggles.
Instead, it gave me something to hold onto, to remind myself of dozens of times a day if I need to. I literally talk to myself out loud and remind myself that I am not alone and that I am deeply, deeply loved by God. I try to intentionally think about that and imagine the way God’s love feels when I’m struggling. I imagine him sitting with me, holding me when I cry, or just listening.
These things are really helpful for me because they are ways I remind myself that my feelings and thoughts lie to me when I’m depressed. I need something true to hold onto and to remind myself of what is trustworthy. I hang onto that through the hardest times, and it gets a little easier with practice.
Why do people go to hell? Why am I already there despite being alive?
Hey Dylan,
I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. I don’t know all the reasons we go through hell on earth.
I know sometimes it’s because our world is just broken. Sometimes our bodies and brains get sick and that can feel like hell.
Sometimes people make choices that have crushing consequences for others or themselves. And all the bad that can come from that feels absolutely hellacious.
And some things I just don’t understand. I don’t know if I ever will. But I also think sometimes focusing on the why has kept me from focusing on finding healing and wholeness.
Please take care of yourself. Find a good team of professionals who can help you sort this out.
Thank you for this. It put into words what I’ve been going through and haven’t been able to express or explain.
Nope. Didn’t help. I don’t want some distant hope, I need help now. It’s all bullshit and why do you get to get a whisper and the rest of us don’t? It’s like all the people who swear praying works. Why does theirs and not everyone else’s? It’s all bullshit.
Hey Janet,
I get that, and I can’t answer why it seems like some people get answers they’re looking for while others don’t. I know that tons of my prayers haven’t been answered in the way I want them to. And realizing I’m probably going to deal with severe depression for the rest of my life is the last thing I wanted for an answer 🙁
But I think for a long time, I thought prayer was about asking for things and God showing up and answering them. Now I’ve realized that prayer is actually much more about getting to know God in a way that lets me know He’s always with me. That’s the thing that gives me hope.
Janet, Have you ever thought that God is trusting you with hopelessness, so He becomes your hope and life. God delights in His children being like you, without pretense and phoniness. People who walk with God have depth and are alive with His presence. The only way to hear His voice and experience His presence is through Jesus Christ as your savior.
Larry, that is such hogwash and insulting to the intelligence
Great post. After years (literally) of trying to fight off demons through spiritual warfare and being told that we must choose joy, I’m coming to a breaking point. A beautiful wife and kids and a home, a good paying job; I’m having a hard time working and holding it together. I would never end my life, but how to hold it together I can’t tell yet, this article reminds me God is with me and he’s not mad at me. Thanks.
Hi Sarah – I’ve read your blogs before and returned again to re-read this message. At 76, I’ve experienced a lifetime of major depression. Eight years ago I became a Christian and my life has improved, but still so many of my days are hopeless. What you related has happened in my life but briefly, and lasting a short amount of time. When I fall back to being mired in life, I recall those almost moments of comfort and they help me hold on. As someone in the final quarter of life though, hope is a difficult concept. I don’t give up but come very close.
I have a goal and that is to start a Christian group of sorts for people with anxiety/depression. While churches talk a good game, not one has wanted to help with this venture. Yet they constantly state that they wish to do something for mental problems. Do you know of any such groups already established that I could use as a model? I would appreciate your input or that of your followers. Thanking you in advance and may God continue to bless your path.
I think/feel this is a good idea, and I am interested to know more as well. I know about meetup.com but I am not sure if it has any such groups in your area/at all, I also struggle and also thought it would be nice to get mental health/depression/fears help but through a christian lens. I do know there is such places such as christian food banks -their offices which offer counselling and also nuns who go out to help people/talk. Pastors as well. But I understand maybe you want a more mental health focused approach, and maybe some know what your going through and know how to help in that area as well. I myself wonder about seeing a doctor even though I saw one this week and am set to go back…..
Hi Julia and Giordano,
I strongly recommend checking out my friends at Fresh Hope for Mental Health. They offer faith-based mental health support groups at different churches and even have online groups available if there’s not an in-person group nearby. You can find a group at https://freshhope.us/find-a-group/ 🙂 There is also an organization called Grace Alliance (https://mentalhealthgracealliance.org/) that offers resources, but I am not as familiar with them.
Take care!
-Sarah
I needed this tonight. Thank you, from a dark place.
Thanks Sarah, your blog brings hope. I want so badly to be happy again. I also want to be with Jesus and wish he would call me home
Me too Greg. I find myself thinking how much I long to be free from my body and my mind, so filled with confusion and pain. Just to be out of this world and free, I long to be with Jesus much of the time. Sometimes the pain of being alive with severe depression and sadness is too much to bear..
Sylvia, I pray this for you: Isaiah 54:4-14.
Thank you for your message I reach out to others no hope it just made thing worse for me there advice was some time hurtful they tell you your problem which you all ready know
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve tried praying, but God just won’t answer me. I think he gave up on me a long time ago. It really doesn’t matter; I’m a lost cause anyway.
HM,
I’ve felt like this a lot lately and it has helped to voice these concerns directly to God. He wants a true and honest relationship with us, that includes letting Him know how mad you are at Him. The Psalms are filled with this kind of questioning God and wondering where He is when we feel we cannot make it on our own anymore. Tell God exactly how you feel and don’t go easy on Him, He can take it. And remember James 1:2-4. “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” He is allowing this trial so you can learn to persevere and trust Him. Imagine how strong your faith will be when He rescues you from such a difficult trial… I bet much stronger than if He had saved you immediately without any pain. I know it’s hard to keep looking to God when it’s felt like an eternity without any help from Him, but don’t give up. Keep seeking Him even if you are certain He will never rescue you, and then seek some more. You will come out the other side stronger than you could’ve imagined.
Amen
Point #1 God Loves You At All Times & In All Circumstances.
Point #2 The Devil is a liar and the father of all lies – Satan seeks to have you join him in accusing God of wrong-doing. That was the very thing that Satan used in enticing Eve into sin. Do not join the Devil in accusing God. Whatever you are going thru is just that – you are going thru – you will not be staying, just going thru. Trust God’s Love For You, particularly when you can’t see His Hand.
Some people can’t trust God!!!!
Hey, you’re never a lost cause, God loves you so very much, hold on tightly and never let go of his promises. I bless you in the name of Jesus.
PAUL! that is the devil wanting you to believe you are a lost cause the enemy does not want to let us go and depression is #1 on his list to keep us hopeless . Give glory to God for your healing. Amen
It’s alright that you gave up on God. He has not, even though you think He has. He delights in taking people who are desperate and weak and turning them into beautiful trophies of His grace and love.
I believe I had an experience with demonic possession. I learned how to contain it, imprison it within the boundaries of its own hatred and compulsion to destroy. I was only an innocent child of ten, but it compelled me to hate myself. I used that force of hatred to build a space within, a darkness in my soul. I was fortunate to have had 3 years of wushu training at that time, I was able to focus and direct the unfamiliar energy as I did my own Chi. So I walled it within its own hatred, and drew on its energy for fighting and working. I was always far stronger than my companions, even though I’m a small man physically. I could move with incredible speed over short distances, shoot gun or bow or wield sword or spear with either hand. My reflexes are still faster than my cat’s. It hurt me, this darkness in my soul, but after I met my wife and had my son their love healed me. I feel certain that’s why my body is devastated now, but I contained the evil and did not allow it to do harm in our world. When I die it will be only a shadow, powerless and gnawing at itself. Perhaps one day I’ll tell you how it possessed me. (If you don’t write me off as a crank and I live long enough.)
Ha. So I’m sitting in my car, which is a Chevy Aveo and not a Ford Taurus, yet, ironically my last car was a Ford Taurus. More room than my Aveo I gotta say. I am in an Old Time Pottery parking lot, though I usually frequent the nearest Walmart parking lot, and I just finished a mild bawl. One of many as of this year. Here I find this article. I’ve had so many hopeless experiences in my life I can’t count them, and while God is always there… this year has SUCKED. Articles like this are what people need sooooo much more than the generic responses that you mentioned. Sometimes life SUCKS. And people need empathy instead of sympathy. They need genuine love instead of feeling like a project or that “God put her in my path.” So many well intentioned Christians completely miss this whole point sometimes, making those of us in our Fords and Chevys feel that much more alone when the storms come. I totally feel you though. My car has frequently been my place of solace. My little sanctuary. Appreciating your words right now and feeling a little less alone in this moment. Thorns suck. I have many, but God not only places Himself in the pain with us, He gives us extra blessings when we can meet another believer who just gets it. And sarcasm and humor to laugh through the pain once the tears run out. Thanks for sharing this. Seriously.
I’m so grateful it connected with you, Mandy – and that you have your own little car sanctuary for when you need a good cry! You are definitely not alone!
Help me
Lucky, I don’t know if I, or anyone else for that matter, can help you. More details about how you need help would be useful. I have found that just the act of writing out your problems, even to strangers, can be some what therapeutic. The other benefit of writing here is that someone may be able to advise you on how to move forward. It’s up to you if you want to share what you are going through or not. Just realize that it couldn’t hurt to get other perspectives on things. Besides, the Bible tells us to seek counsel (wise) on our problems. I have found a few wise people on this site. May God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen
Sarah, I am glad that you got to experience the glory of God. To few of us get to experience God that way. I for one have been getting only silence for 40 years. Just hearing God’s voice would be a blessing and give me strength too. But God seems to ignore me completely.
God Bless You…….again Amen
ISAIAH CHAPTER 59 SPEAKS OF THESE THINGS, BUT READ THROUGH TO THE END:
Separation from God
59 Behold, the Lord’s hand is not so short
That it cannot save;
Nor is His ear so dull
That it cannot hear.
2 But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God,
And your sins have hidden His [a]face from you so that He does not hear.
3 For your hands are defiled with blood
And your fingers with iniquity;
Your lips have spoken falsehood,
Your tongue mutters wickedness.
4 No one sues righteously and no one pleads [b]honestly.
They trust in confusion and speak lies;
They conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity.
5 They hatch adders’ eggs and weave the spider’s web;
He who eats of their eggs dies,
And from that which is crushed a snake breaks forth.
6 Their webs will not become clothing,
Nor will they cover themselves with their works;
Their works are works of iniquity,
And an act of violence is in their [c]hands.
7 Their feet run to evil,
And they hasten to shed innocent blood;
Their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity,
Devastation and destruction are in their highways.
8 They do not know the way of peace,
And there is no justice in their tracks;
They have made their paths crooked,
Whoever treads on [d]them does not know peace.
A Confession of Wickedness
9 Therefore justice is far from us,
And righteousness does not overtake us;
We hope for light, but behold, darkness,
For brightness, but we walk in gloom.
10 We grope along the wall like blind men,
We grope like those who have no eyes;
We stumble at midday as in the twilight,
Among those who are vigorous we are like dead men.
11 All of us growl like bears,
And moan sadly like doves;
We hope for justice, but there is none,
For salvation, but it is far from us.
12 For our transgressions are multiplied before You,
And our sins [e]testify against us;
For our transgressions are with us,
And [f]we know our iniquities:
13 Transgressing and denying the Lord,
And turning away from our God,
Speaking oppression and revolt,
Conceiving in and uttering from the heart lying words.
14 Justice is turned back,
And righteousness stands far away;
For truth has stumbled in the street,
And uprightness cannot enter.
15 Yes, truth is lacking;
And he who turns aside from evil makes himself a prey.
Now the Lord saw,
And it was [g]displeasing in His sight that there was no justice.
16 And He saw that there was no man,
And was astonished that there was no one to intercede;
Then His own arm brought salvation to Him,
And His righteousness upheld Him.
17 He put on righteousness like a breastplate,
And a helmet of salvation on His head;
And He put on garments of vengeance for clothing
And wrapped Himself with zeal as a mantle.
18 According to their [h]deeds, [i]so He will repay,
Wrath to His adversaries, recompense to His enemies;
To the coastlands He will [j]make recompense.
19 So they will fear the name of the Lord from the west
And His glory from the rising of the sun,
For He will come like a [k]rushing stream
Which the wind of the Lord drives.
20 “A Redeemer will come to Zion,
And to those who turn from transgression in Jacob,” declares the Lord.
21 “As for Me, this is My covenant with them,” says the Lord: “My Spirit which is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your [l]offspring, nor from the mouth of your [m]offspring’s offspring,” says the Lord, “from now and forever.”
INTIMATE PERSONAL FELLOWSHIP WITH ABBA DADDY IS THE NEED AND ONLY COMES BY GOD’S WORD & PRAYER. KEEP LOOKING TO JESUS!!!
I know how you feel, Kenneth. Like you, it’s been a long time since I heard God’s voice or experienced His presence. Sixteen years ago, God told me to make some huge changes and even cleared all obstacles for those changes to occur. Then, it’s like He exited, stage left, and became a silent observer. I’ve had one trial after another and experienced so much emotional and physical pain. Sometimes, it’s been so intense, it’s all I can do to just breathe and cry out: “God, where are You?” I pray, but it feels like He doesn’t hear me. I try to remember the promise in the Bible that He will never leave me, and then wonder why I feel such abandonment. Someone told me God is still working in my life, even when He’s silent. I want to keep believing that, but there are too many days when I feel shrouded in darkness. My heart longs for God, and His continued silence hurts.
Same here Lynette. God told me to leave my live in bf (now ex), trust him on a $1000 bill instead of using the money otherwise which led to my homelessness. He said write a book to bless ..He never blessed it. Then I hung around waiting .. just waiting to move where He wanted me. CRICKETS. So i said I’ll just make my own moves in faith that you will steer. Nope. I’m getting guilty conscience over Nothing because I’m scared it’s not what God wants but He wont just tell me!
Insult to injury He showed me how little value I am by all of my friends and family abandoning at one time when I needed them most. I thought that was so He would swoop in and be my everything you ever need….nope… silence.
I feel like the stage 5 clinger that God is like Ew go away, take a hint. The devil has been talking though. Saying God made Himself to be a drug just so He could take it away. Now I know this is satan so why hasn’t God stepped in? He knows how low satan goes… the silence does hurt and it’s bad enough we’re in earth away from him but then to be in this cold world with no guidance.. all the while he’s promising to guide our footsteps and be there… 🤔 idk. Guess I’m losing it. Pray for me. I’ll pray for you maybe he’ll listen then.
Thank you for your reply, Rg, and thank you for your prayers. I will definitely pray for you and hope God is listening.
I feel your pain. The change I made 16 years ago that I strongly felt was God-ordained, was to leave everything and everyone familiar and move 1600 miles away to a different state, a state I never would have moved to unless God orchestrated it. My faith has been severely tested ever since. I struggle to continue to believe He is in control. His continued silence doesn’t make that easy. Almost 4 years ago, I had to have open-heart surgery. A few days after, I had a stroke in the area of the brain that processes vision. I lost 92% of my eyesight and my ability to recognize and remember faces. I lost my job and career as a Librarian. Driving a car and riding a bicycle ended with the stroke. I have poor balance and depth perception, which makes even the smallest task a challenge. I have to use a walker or cane to walk around. More than ever in my life, I need people to help me, mainly to drive me to the store or doctor appointments. The family I have left are too far away. The friends who live near me, who I thought I could depend on, have abandoned me, one by one. I discovered the people who offered to help me didn’t really mean for it to be long-term. They moved on with their lives and truly expected me to move on with mine, but I can’t. My disabilities prevent that, so I’m left behind. What’s really hard is to have a “friend” agree to take me somewhere and then have them act like I’m a burden, that they would rather be doing anything else. After so many years of being able to do things for myself, it’s very disheartening and depressing to feel like a burden to anyone.
And I ask: “Where are You, God?” Where are You when I need help? Where are You when I’m lonely and sick and scared and anxious and depressed? Where are Your people?
For my sister Lynette and brother Kenneth. I can’t imagine the depth of what you’re each going through but I too have felt lonely, scared, abandoned, unheard, ignored and even misled through a major move.
In fact you can tell from my original posts that I was going through the wringer then too.
During that trying time I did the math and realized that of 39 years, I’d only been at peace for 3 years. The other 36 were either filled with depression, abuse or childhood neglect. Never ever fitting in and being so lonesome, I found God was my safe place. So when I couldn’t hear Him anymore, I panicked.
As you can tell from the post I was quite angry, accusatory, and hopeless. And yes, I took a tone with God. I’d never done this before. I’ve only ever shown up in humility. I had never wrestled with Him in this way.
You said that you have cried and asked God where He is. But have you let loose? I don’t normally advise this and I don’t mean disrespectfully, but have you made a scene with Him? Waved your arms around and yelled “Look at me Dad!”? God loves all of us even the part we would not dare show another person. He is our Father and our best friend. Sarah says He’s not afraid of the darkness and He wants honesty and this is so true.
I believe God wants me to share with you both, the story of Jacob when he was scared for his life on his way back to Canaan in Genesis 32.
Jacob WRESTLED with God and was blessed. He put up a good, long fight and did not want to surrender until God touched his hip and he had no other choice. Man would never bless us after a fight. But God LOVES to bless us… He was THRILLED when Jacob demanded a blessing after his hip was dislocated.
So thrilled that He gave him a whole new name and identity.
Some may not agree with this but I wrestled with Him spiritually and He blessed me with peace. I had gotten caught up with the plan He gave me and didn’t want to let go. I had hijacked His plan, trying to move things in a way that made sense to me and it failed miserably. Then I got mad because it didn’t work which led to disappointment and a host of other things before I was in a full on spiritual attack.
So I was at the fork in the road and about to choose death and I was MAD about it. (My neighbors probably think I’m crazy now but it was worth it.) I was furiously listing all the ways I felt let down by Him (I held nothing back) and explaining why I needed Him to do so-and-so this way so life could work out. Before long, I was sobbing like a baby and had surrendered to Him. I just gave up. What else could I do to a righteous God?
But like a kid, first I said ‘FINE I’ll just be a loser in life then!’, heart breaking. I was losing it, then Holy Spirit interceded in the middle of my rant and let me ask for a softened heart. THEN my surrender turned genuine. I told Him ‘Ok, take it all. Ok you want me to drop the project, fine. Ok, You want me to lose everything, fine. If I sink, I sink. If I die, I die. It’s yours now.’ The weights were lifting.
Of course He didn’t want those awful things for me. He cupped my hurting heart in His hands and showed me grace. There was peace I hadn’t felt in a while. I did repent for my sins but what I learned is that God requires full surrender. If Jesus returns for His bride tomorrow will ANY of these issues matter anyway?
If you have already surrendered, I would do it again. Some things creep up on us and we try to hold the burden ourselves.
Whatever you do, just know that your struggle is not in vain. Keep the faith.
I am praying for both of you and asking Father to send you both an undeniable sign that He is still there and that you can trust Him to deliver on His promises.
Glory to God. May He bless you abundantly.
Thanks RG, I have done what you said. I screamed and yelled. I have completely laid my heart bare, to no avail. I’ve been baptized twice, surrendered. Nothing works. So thanks for your kind words and sincere intentions. God Bless You
Lynette, “God, do you still love me?” Sometimes I screamed in the darkness, “God, why do you hate me?” – from the book “The Scars that Shaped Me” by Vaneetha Rendall Risner. I hope you will read this book. You and many of us on this website are in it.
Thanks Lynette, I feel your pain, it’s the same with me, that pressure like someone standing on your heart. But I guess we’ll find out someday if it’s worth the pain. God Bless You
I cant stop being mad at God and I hate it. I feel it’s a spiritual attack since I opened myself up to other people’s demons trying to encourage them. But then im mad like why didn’t you protect me from those demons God? You know I gave you the wheel…
Plus I have been mad because i feel that He has led me on wild goose chases. I keep hearing that small still voice and following it and NOTHING is panning out. I even went homeless trying to hear him!!! Also I feel like he only wants to give me tiny blessings. He is blessing people who sell His word with thousands and giving me a quarter here and there. Im big on being thankful for the small things but I realized that’s all I ever get.
I have followed and loved God with all my heart. IN LOVE WITH HIM. Now he’s not showing up, I have to meek it out. I cant sit in one spot or I’ll be homeless again. When he said cast all cares on Him I did. So why say it if you’re going to ignore me. I miss Him but do not think He misses me.
I am so exhausted and overwhelmed that my dad does not answer me or guide me where I need to go that I am ready to throw in the towel!!!! But then i think He is going to say 1 John 2:19… they went out from us bc they were not of us… how unfair. I’m a woman! I need attention, He made me this way! Plus I think he is more concerned with the 1 sheep than his 99, so I am going to be the 1. Maybe then He will come back to me!!! I’m mad because I feel like He gave me goals to reach but no resources and no supernatural help either. If I was playing around then ok I get it but I was talking to Him all day long, craving His presence then He just snatches it away. Why? He doesn’t want us to have idols other than Him, then He goes ghost? Sorry I’m pretty peeved. I feel like He kicked me out of the club. I’ve been tired fo soooooooo long and feel like he moved on to someone better. 🙁Pray for me please.
Hi,
I am praying for you, I can somewhat relate to what your saying, but I can also relate to Sarah/her articles. Life can be so tough. I am praying God can use me in some way to help you if that is his will of course. May Gods favor and protection rest upon you and your life. He is never far away, but a prayer away, as someone told me, which brought me much comfort. What sort of help and resources do you need to reach your goals if you don’t mind sharing? I am also job searching and I also feel I do not know where I am going….
what do you mean you can’t sit in one spot or you’ll be homeless again?
Hi Julia,
Sorry I took so long to respond but you kind of lose track of time when you are suffering a complete spiritual meltdown.
You wanted to know what I need to reach my goals, well here you go.
I want to get homeless people off the street and educate them so that they can get their lives back together. After researching the topic I realized that I would need about $20 to $30 thousand dollars per person. On top of that I would need a place to house them through the process. I also need a place where they can get their training. This means that I need a fairly large piece of land to build the needed buildings. Now factor in the cost to pay people to actually teach the people. Costs to run the whole program (utilities, taxes, upkeep, materials for teaching and learning new skills).
When it gets added up I will need about 40 to 50 million dollars to make it work. That includes funds to keep the program running indefinitely. Yes I know that is very large goal, but everyone (including Pastors,Reverends,Priests) keeps telling me that God wants me to dream big. Well this is a dream that I have had more than once. But alas God doesn’t want me to help poor people as He hasn’t given me the funds yet.
I hope you have found a job, preferably one you enjoy doing. Me, I am on disability and can’t work. Thanks for your kind words and God Bless You, in Jesus holy name, Amen.
Rg,
I understand what its like to feel ignored or worse by God. You say here God make me worthy of your praise, your will be done. Only to have God calm up with only silence to your heartfelt prayers. I too am struggling with this, 40 years and climbing of unanswered prayers. A crap life without hope for anything better. You mentioned that all you get are small things from God, try looking at it this way. You are getting something, which is better than nothing. Not all of us get even the little things. Someone recently twisted a comment I made, their answer might help you. Your faith is like a plant, if the plant doesn’t get water it dies. Your faith may need some water. This is where I struggle with this because I believe God is the gardener that waters the plant(faith). But don’t listen to me about the gardener, I have been told many times that my outlook is messed up. I wish I had a rock solid answer for you but God choses who He will answer. I know it’s confusing as one parts of the Bible says that God does answer prayers while another part says that God may never answer our prayers. That is the fickle nature of God. God Bless You and may the Heavenly Father be quick to answer and help you. Amen
RG, I have said to God many times, “you bless the wicked and I am your child and you won’t even bless me.” I don’t know what your situation is now, but I am praying for you. I pray that God will send you mature believers who can help and encourage you. Sometimes we need other mature believers to help us discern God’s voice and to pray with us about our decisions. If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Psalm 27:10.
RG
I’m sorry to read all that you’ve been going through – the pain and frustration you express is clear. It’s hard to go through so much especially after expecting something so different. I think God is big enough to hear what you say and I really believe He wants you to tell Him.
As I read what you wrote I felt reminded of something that happened to me once and I believe He wants me to share it. It’s an odd story so please be patient as I share it. I felt God wanted me to get this dog – it was His gift to me so I followed what I though He was saying. However, this dog was a daily nightmare and in the end I found my toddler sitting in a puddle of dog wee. I cried out to God asking why He led me to this situation – His answer was clear. Sara, I give good gifts to my children. The dog had to go and I sent her to a place that would re-home her and care for her well.
Now I’m in a marriage that’s unsafe – another place I believed God led me too. Like you I’ve cried out to God in confusion about the outcome of following what I thought was His lead. The other evening the answer came – not in a fresh revelation but in remembering the dog and God’s words to me then.
Whilst I do believe that Christians suffer, just as Sarah writes about here, I don’t believe that He would deliberately lead us to destruction. I would encourage you to consider the results of your situation and ask yourself if God really was leading you to this place? I really believe He wants me to share this with you and to encourage you that whilst He may not have led you here He is the one who could lead you out of it.
Sarah – thank you so much for writing this. I too know the darkness of mental illness. I currently am on a dark road I cannot just leave and have been on for a while. Tonight God showed me that although I out at sea with no land in sight He is the boat around me and He is there. He always will be. I found this article not long after and it resonated with the journey I am on.
Sara, that’s so beautiful – “He is the boat around me and He is there.” I saw you mentioned you’re in an unsafe marriage. I’m so sorry to hear that. Please know you are worth getting the help and support you need to be safe <3
Thank you for your kind words Sara. I am touched that the Lord used you to send me a word. There is a definite area in my life that I can apply that to. I pray that God will do His good to make your marriage safer and bring you the joy He intended for you to have when He put you together. But please stay safe and use all resources available for your situation. Stay strong my sister in Christ.
Thanks Sara,
I like to hear that God is there for you. I could really use an encounter with God like that. All God seems to be is absent when it comes to me. I cry all the time because God isn’t here for me. I need God to help me as I can’t help myself. I want to help other people, but I need God to help me first. I want to bring glory to God but can’t as I don’t have any resources to do anything with. I just don’t know why God has chosen to let me suffer in this life.
God Bless You Sara
Hi Sarah, I am Feng Yuan, your writing lifted me in a special way. Thank you for being brave and bold.
I’m so grateful to hear that! Thank you for your kind words 🙂
Update: We made it through the other side! Hallelujah. I was under spiritual attack but Psalm 88 perfectly sums up what was going on in my life. To a Tee. Still God is faithful. I was angry, furious, livid even, with God. I was calling out to Him and feeling ignored… but I was still calling out. And He was faithful to rescue. I do not like that place of despair. It was scary, lonely, and soul crushing but it made me see how much I need the Lord. I needed to fully rely on Him even more than I thought I was. I thought all was good in my spiritual walk but this just brought us closer. Sometimes Dad lets us ride without the training wheels for a bit. We can’t see Him because we’re focused on the obstacles in our path and trying to stay balanced like a big kid but He’s right behind us ready to scoop us up when we fall off the bike. So stop wobbling and let go. Just fall already, into His arms. He will pick you up and stay with you until you get it right. Please don’t give up. Get to the other side. Glory to God. Praying for all those still stuck in the place of despair. God bless.
YES & AMEN. THE LORD GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL NO MATTER HOW THINGS SEEM OR HOW WE FEEL. HE DOES NOT CHANGE-DOES NOT GIVE UP-DOES NOT LOSE.
YES LONELINESS IS TOUGH, BUT EVEN SO, GOD’S WORD IS TRUE AND HIS PROMISES SURE: “Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” ISAIAH 40:31
This was just what I needed. It made me cry like a baby, but it was what I needed. Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment with God and this message. It’s truly amazing how gracious He is by being with us at all times and never giving up on us!
Oh, I’m so glad to hear it was what you needed ❤️ you are not alone, my friend.
This helped me so much I can’t even begin to express. I’ve lived with overwhelming darkness and depression my entire life even as a child. I needed to hear God is with me in darkness and loves me no matter what I’m going through. Thank you Lord Jesus for speaking to me through your precious daughter and servant who understands the emotional pain.
Oh Debbie, I’m so glad this reminder connected with you. What you said is exactly right; God is with you know matter what. Keep fighting and taking good care of yourself!
<3 Sarah
Man oh man I don’t even know where to start. I think I just friended both you and your husband on Facebook. I’m mostly on Instagram tho and was looking for you on that too lol very excellent article. I am not doing well at all it was nice to read this and be reminded of what’s true
Hey , I love you.
Hi Sarah,
Glad to see that you are still inspiring people towards God/Jesus. Just thought I’d look in and maybe find some encouragement to keep the faith, or raise the soul. I am still struggling with God’s silence and timing. I made care packages for the homeless, but only made myself feel worse because I couldn’t help them all. Starting to make more packages but have run out of money again. Why does helping people make me feel sadness?
Thanks Sarah for the kind words and encouragement you bring to people that are suffering spiritually. Thanks(again) and God bless you in Jesus name. Amen
Hi Sarah, Only someone who has walked in our shoes can know the hopelessness and despair that years of major depression and health and social anxiety cause. What I cannot understand is how to do it all alone. I have three dear friends who try to encourage me but usually end up discouraging me. The last six years have been the worst of my life. Care giving for my sick Mother (she has always been my very best friend) has been hell on earth. She died seven months ago. She was all I had left. My extended family have all rejected me. Friends and Family just don’t understand why I don’t just snap out of it. Go out and make friends. Exercise every day. They think that I purposely don’t do these things. I just want to give up and spare them the burden. I know you can understand the shame I feel every time I only wish I could do all those things. The worst part of all is that the last six years of my life have been the first times in my life that I have repeatedly cried out to God. Please help me. Please let me feel your presence. Please give me hope. But all I hear is silence. When I share my despair in this area with my friends they get very angry with me. When your mind is broken, when your heart is broken and when your spirit is crushed and you cry out to God. How is it possible to be strong enough to trust that He cares through that kind of pain. I want to trust. I know He promises that He is there and that He will never leave me. If I could only have hope of ever being able to participate in life again. To have family again. To be loved again.
HI PAM, I WILL NOT PRETEND TO BE PROVIDING SOME ANSWER LIKE A MATH EQUATION ON A BLACKBOARD TO WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH – I DO WANT TO SHARE LINKS TO 2 DIFFERENT SONGS THAT SPEAK TO THIS TOPIC:
1, “CAN’T YOU SEE” WRITTEN & PERFORMED BY MY FRIEND, TOY CALDWELL & MARSHALL TUCKER BAND – IT WAS MY THEME SONG IN EARLY 1970’S AS MY 1ST WIFE LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN DURING VIETNAM WAR & TOOK MY TWO BABIES – TOY’S SONG WAS MAJOR SOUTHERN ROCK HIT – IT WAS ACTUALLY A HURTING HEART-CRY TO GOD ABOUT INDESCRIBABLE, UNBEARABLE PAIN – IN MY RECORDED VERSION I ADDED THE LINE: “I CAN’T TAKE IT LORD!” I WAS COMPLETELY ENCASED IN TOTAL LOSS THAT I COULD NOT IN ANY WAY PROCESS – SAW NO WAY OUT & NO WAY THRU. LISTEN CAREFULLY TO LYRICS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlc6xCPx60U
2. “DON’T SHOOT THE WOUNDED” WRITTEN & PERFORMED BY CHUCK GIRARD. IF YOU FOLLOW, UNDERSTAND, & BELIEVE CHUCK’S LYRICS (WHICH I DO) YOU CAN FIND MANY NEEDED THINGS: A. OTHERS CAN’T EASILY UNDERSTAND AS THEY VIEW SNAPSHOTS OF YOUR STRUGGLE, B. IT’S REALLY GOOD THAT THEY CAN’T RELATE BECAUSE IF THEY COULD IT WOULD ONLY BE BECAUSE THEY HAVE ALREADY WALKED THE MILES WHICH YOU ARE NOW WALKING, C. GENUINE UNDERSTANDING & COMPASSION IS IN SHORT SUPPLY – EVEN FROM YOU CONCERNING YOURSELF – CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK & DON’T SHOOT THE WOUNDED (IT’S YOU!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHJmqHLpwPQ
YES IT IS TERRIBLE, BUT THIS TOO SHALL PASS. NO MATTER HOW IT MAY FEEL: THE LORD IS WITH YOU, WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU, CARES SO MUCH FOR YOU HE SUFFERED, DIED, & AROSE FROM THE DEAD TO PROVIDE THE WAY TO ETERNAL LIFE FOR YOU: https://GODSPLAN.US
Bless you Dennis, and I salute you this Veterans Day. Sometimes it seems that only another vet can identify, but I believe there are many who will be blessed by your testimony.
Semper Fidelis
There’s an emptiness in my chest I no longer feel love, spent years burdened by hate. I am to far from God he no longer resides in my heart even if I try to repent. Can’t feel, love, cry, can’t really feel any kind of emotions and I’m always in pain.
Dear James, your words of inner pain and hopelessness touch my heart. God has not given up on you! I feel your struggle because its mine too.. Even when our hearts condemn us, He is greater than our hearts. Not sure of exact reference, but its in 1st John. I am praying for you. He paid the price for your anger and hatred. Tell Him you’re sorry….ask Him to help you in your unbelief. Acknowledge your failure to be good. Thats why He came. He paid the price for our sin sick, evil souls. A very high price He paid. He was literally ripped apart like a lamb to the slaughter and He didn’t open His mouth.. He did this for you. The blood of Jesus is enough..Enough to wash away your darkest sins and bad choices. Please trust Him. Even if you feel like its over. Its not.
Thank you for sharing this, it helped me tonight.
God bless you for this post, really touched my heart !
As people become older, they tend to form more and more questions in their minds – “What do I want to do with my life?”, “What are my long-term goals?”, and “Where is my life heading to?” These questions usually come to mind whenever a person is dealing with a life crisis. They can cause a great amount of anxiety, fear, and stress, especially when one is completely clueless about what the future holds for him or her.
Hi Everyone….I.m Greg from Australia…its so hard to see everyone suffer in this covid virus season it seems like everything is collapsing…i.m aware of everyone.s suffering and feel silly with my little problems… But i have gone through 8 to 12 months of absolute hell…. I feel invisible… friends of 30 years have ostracised me i fell into depression then my wife of 10 years and whom i.ve known for 20 years has decided she doesn.t want to be married to me anymore…i feel isolated and invisible then the covid thing happened work has dried up and everyone i try to contact just ignores me…i dont feel like being alive…The only thing keeping me going is God…i almost feel like jesus is saying to me “Now you know how i felt” …I know i.ve got God and thats great for the next life but i.m sad and devastated that this life seems over at my age of 47… We only get one life and i.m scared that this is it for me… I.m grateful i.ve had 40 plus year of being happy but what do you do when you feel like life is over…Whatever i have done or said to hurt people i am very sorry for but i dont think i deserve this…lots of blessings and love…Greg…
I am a 63 year old male. Same story. The darkness lifts just enough to gasp a breath, before plunging back under. I work, I cry, I sleep. It’s been a long time of dancing all the dances to stay afloat for each gasp of relief . I am so tired.
Jim, I offer no magic solution to your depression. However if knowing beyond any shadow of doubt that you are loved, cherished, & highly prized by The Living God is of interest to you, I point you to a 10 minute journey online where you may see for yourself regarding God’s Love and God’s Plan for you. go to: https://godsplan.us to view God’s Promises to you. Nowhere does The Lord suggest that we won’t have severe difficulty – He Does Promise to be there in us and with us.
The darkness lifts just enough to gasp a breath, before plunging back under. I work, I cry, I sleep. It’s been a long time of dancing all the dances to stay afloat for each gasp of relief . I am so tired.
God Help Us
What does that even mean? Life sucks but I’ll always be there doing nothing because you get to suffer. Thanks god.
Well, I would love to add that the afflictions of the righteous are many but God DELIVERS him from them all. The lord delivers, I have a lot of testimonies and it did not take time for me, but some did, I am still waiting for some now but never anything with my health. Everybody has a test of time, maybe God delays your deliverance to take you through some lessons, just like, MAKING U believe and trust in his word. The consciousness that God is there makes life easy and peaceful, that is, in the darkness, God being light(ease) is there. Ppl curse God bcos they don’t know him or understand his voice( how can u understand the voice of him who you do not know?), do not just seek deliverance, seek d master himself, build a relationship,receive and work with the holy spirit. There is never any prayer I have made without receiving an answer immediately(sometimes through dreams anyway) but most times I hear his voice, but even if u don’t hear him, pick up ur bible, growth in God is a gradual process take those powerful words personal and God who never fail will comfort you. SOME PPL EXPECT TO SEE GOD BUT NO… HE IS A SPIRIT AND HIS POWERFUL AND FAITHFUL WORDS ARE EQUAL TO HIS PHYSICAL PRESENCE. LIFE IS EASY WITH GOD, YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO SUFFER. AS YOU RENEW UR MIND WITH GOD’S WORD BY BELIEVING, MEDITATION AND DECLARATION DAILY(JOSHUA 1:8) YOU WILL LIVE A VICTORIOUS LIFE, GUARANTEED!!. VISIT PASTOR CHRIS OYAKILOME ON YOUTUBE FOR CLEARITY.
thank u.
Thank you Sara for sharing this. I have been dealing with some tough overwhelming situations in my life lately with family. My whisper from God was “don’t you know you’re not the only one I’m working on.” It didn’t save me from the messiness that my family dishes out but just gave me a little something to get me through. It’s nice knowing there are others that hear the Lord and that He is there right with us in everything we have to face. Blessings to you.
I see the perspective. And I get it.
But I got nothing left. I go to work. The gym. I eat right. I didn’t used to be depressed. My main focus has been identity, and i’m passed the fear of the lack thereof. All I have left is whatever little I feel that is left. Folks want me to reach out and ask for help, but I have the servant gifting. With intercessory and the gift of deep inuition. I can tell when folks throw it out there like, instead of a rope. It’s a life jacket. But the boat keeps floating on by while i’m hoping to still grab ahold of the life jacket. And before I know it, i’m back to being alone. By myself. Fighting by myself. Trying to heal and push and press and cry. Alone. I wish I had a feeling of God being there, or the faith that He is always around in my darkness. I’ve gotten terrible to the point I ask Him to prove He’s around. That He is there for me, that He cares.
I wish my soul would have been held onto a 100 years longers so that i’d be birthed as someone that can do what is needed. Accomplish life, be successful. Have faith and belief in God without question.
But I wasn’t.
I got multiple gifts with layers of more beneath it all that can be revealed. But with the few I see and live, why would I want a bigger burden?
I know, His will be done. But if He so wants His plan to happen. Why do I have to pay with the foundation of who I thought I was, and become a depressed accent piece of a bigger picture.
But what is the point of being part of a bigger picture if the piece you are is disfunctional.
Thank you for this it helped me so much. God bless you!
Jesus suffered terribly and so did his disciples after Jesus was gone. Look at the big part that they played in the big picture!— the largest part!! Things are accomplished through suffering, but we may not realize what these things are until we are in heaven. In fact, our souls may have chosen paths of suffering before we were born— for reasons that are above our understanding while we are here in this dysfunctional world. If you can try to accept the suffering as best you can, and join it with the suffering of Jesus, and offer it up to God, you will be rewarded immeasurably! If it’s too difficult to accept or embrace, you will still be rewarded because Jesus says that the poor, sad, lonely, etc. will find laughter and love in heaven— it’s in the Bible!….because things come of suffering. But if you are able to get to a place where you can say: God, I’m willingly suffering through this for you and your Son, Jesus, and I’ll say “yes” to everything handed to me, even though it’s really tough, God!! ……and I’m still asking you to help me though it!!…….If you can try to offer it up to God, you’ll be immeasurably rewarded! We are here on difficult and dysfunctional earth so that our souls can be molded in a better way. Life on earth is difficult for this reason: difficult times mold our spirits and can propel us closer to God and to higher spirituality. Suffering molds our spirits much, much more than easy times in life. During tough times, we can be more likely to call on God and want to form a relationship with him. However, it can be too hard to embrace the suffering at times. Even the best people—saints like Mother Teresa who worked so hard with the poorest of the poor— admitted to feeling spiritually depleted and void at times in her life— because we are human. Mother Teresa felt this for a long period of time in her life— and she admitted to it….. but she kept working in the poorest areas on earth and subjecting herself to seeing the worst circumstances in hopes of helping for something better. Keep going and try to join your suffering to Jesus’ suffering if you can—- because there is real value in it. You’ll eventually find out the result of your suffering—it’s for positive purposes that are way, way above our understanding. If you read about the lives of the saints, you’ll learn a lot about the ways they accepted their suffering, even offering it up to God, and how they saw real value in suffering—–a tough thing to hear and understand— but they stick by this as the real truth!!! I’ve learned a lot by reading about the lives and writing of saints like: St. Faustina, Padre Pio, St. Terese de la souix, Mother Teresa, St. Bernadette, and any other saints you’d like to read about. I’ve noticed something interesting about all of the saints I read about—- they willingly accept suffering. Some of them even ASK God for suffering because they want to suffer along with Jesus and offer this up to God!! Yes–some of them appreciate their suffering and lowliness with great humility. I know it’s a tough concept to grasp, but I’ve read about time after time!!….. My wonderful husband had a addiction to drugs prescribed by his doctor and committed suicide less than 2 years ago. What horrible times for my daughter and myself—it’s still so terribly hard. This led me to read about the saints and try to draw some insight from their lives and teachings. It’s not always easy, but I’m trying to say: Jesus: I’m suffering right along with you—-I’m offering it up to you, God. Saint Faustina tells us to do this. Believe me, if you are suffering terribly, you will be rewarded far and above for it!
This a a lovely post but I God has no only let me down, He toys with me….getting my hopes up just before He smacks them down again. After the news I received yesterday, I can confidently say the God hates me and hates my family. I don’t expect rainbows and unicorns everyday but I do expect this “good plan” that God has for my life to actually be good. This time next month I should be living in a box under a bridge with three dogs and a husband who desperately needs medical attention. I trusted Him more than I’ve ever trusted in Him before and He allowed my enemies to completely destroy me. I feel duped.
Michelle, I completely understand why you’re angry. This sounds practically unbearable. Why should this have to happen??? For whatever it may be worth, I’ll still be praying for you and thinking about you—what else can we do but have a little bit of hope???
Hope is only good if there actually is hope. False hope that God is going to help when He never had any intention of helping actually will destroy your soul more than anything.
Life’s a btich and then you die. I’m starting to believe that God has nothing to do with it. I think turning to yourself will so much more than relying on God.
Gee God, thanks for the miserable experience you’ve given me.
At least you have a husband, someone who cares about you. I could die in my sleep and my corpse would be decaying before anyone noticed. And they wouldn’t care. I’m not perfect. Ive sinned…but a lot less than most. I’ve given of myself so many times. And people take it and me for granted. I don’t go to Mass or church. I’ve been hurt by people of the church. God and Jesus must really hate me… !!! If God loves me i need to see proof. And not just someone quote a bunch of scripture to me. They can memorize the bible to impress themselves. When have they opened their wallet for a homeless person ? When have they bought a meal for a crack addict? Have their children been kidnapped and raised to hate them ?
Of course your not alone you’re a woman
Maybe you were just hallucinating.
Your article is really good. Sadly depression, anxiety and panic have been trying to destroy me for so many years. I can’t remember how it feels to be happy or have a good day. You obviously have friends or family that love you and support you. I don’t. Support is one thing but knowing that the ones you have always loved do not love you. Well what’s the use in trying. My heart longs to be loved. Just to know that someone cares. I know God is here with me but He also knows that I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to walk beside me when I am hurting and family to say “I love You.”
I struggle how knowing that the God who intentionally made you sitting watching your suffer as you scream out to Him in vain helps. For me, after 28 years of living in hell knowing God is ‘there’ yet doesn’t care hurts more than anything. Knowing that this path is what God willed for me hurts more than anything another human or Satan could ever do to me. Yet stupid me still obeys and still follows. Serving others as it tears me apart, yet God only curses me further. How is there even any hope in the next life when you will have an eternity forced on you with the same God and Jesus who treated you with disdain and contempt while claiming they ‘loved’ you while having not one single thing that mattered to you in all of existence as well. How is that not just hell as well. When God withholds every good thing from you and gives 44 years of unending torment and never comforts you, never helps you and never brings any good into your life how did He really save you from anything even though your forgiven? All Jesus has offered you is hell all the same.
No disrespect intended, but this is all hogwash. God wants me or even love me. My “friends” only want me around because of what they can get from me. They just want to take advantage of me. God has never once in my life ever answered a prayer the way I wanted it to be. As far as I am concerned its not three in one, but four in one. You and the devil are one in the same. That explains why the world has become totally evil. I’m tired of trying, I’m tried of having no real friends. I’m tired of God hating and ignoring me. Until he answers my prayers I believe he is everything that is wrong and evil in the entire universe
Mike, I have experienced the same thing, but I know that God does not cause confusion or evil and the world doesn’t need God or Satan’s help to do evil. They do that just fine all by themselves. Believing in God is easy when He blesses us. It’s harder to believe Him when He’s silent and inactive.
Mike, I understand !
Great article. Certainly enough info to contemplate, but it also raises questions.
In psalms and scriptures, it says repeatedly that then Lord is full of Mercy, Love and Compassion. Earthly parents (most of them) work hard to protect, and keep their children healthy and happy, well cared for. If an EARTHLY parent can do this for their children, why can’t God?
Most of my life I have been despised. By my parents, (who tried to kill me) by family members, by teachers and employers. I have been a faithful believer in God and His word for over 40years. When I became a Christian in my early 20s I thought I had gained a new family of Christian brothers and sisters and had many times of great fellowship and worship with them…As long as I stayed in their lane of belief. But over the years of studying God’s word I discovered that many of the things taught in the church as doctrine isn’t even biblical. And when I began riding in a different lane, obeying God’s word and speaking out against the sin in the church, all of those “Christian” friends turned on me; using hateful language, calling me everything from a legalist to a heretic. Some had even spread lies about me in order to blackball me from using my musical talents to minister to others. Since then no one wants to have anything to do with me. When my only son was killed by a drunk driver years ago not one of these people called or came to my house to ask how I was doing. My son was saved so I know I’ll see him again at the resurrection. I know this might sound unbelievable to many, but not one time did I blame God or get angry with Him for my son’s death. For many years I have gone out of my way to help people who were down on their luck; invited them to stay in our home, fed them, and ministered God’s love to them. And after they got back on their feet every last one of them turned against us and spread lies about us. For the last five years I have been waking up every day before 5 AM to pray for the church, for God to send revival, for unsaved loved ones, and for God to send me just one person to fellowship with. But I have not seen one answer to any of those prayers. Jeremiah had his Baruch, Jesus’ disciples went out two by two, the apostle Paul had his Silas. Is it too much to ask God to give me just one person of likeminded faith who obeys God’s word, to fellowship with me? I know all of the Scriptures that have to do with trusting God through suffering, and I’ve heard all the pat answers from Christians about trusting God, how He will answer in His time, and how we need to keep praying until God breaks through for us, but lately it seems that I’m just speaking words into the air. It’s hard for me to expect any blessings in this life anymore. God told Abram He would bless those who blessed him and curse those who cursed him. (Genesis 12:3) But in my case it’s been just the opposite. I really hate this sin filled world and only look forward to the day when Jesus returns and sets up God’s kingdom on earth.
Hi Jonah, I am sorry to hear that you have been despised, even for speaking truth. After reading your comment, I am curious of more of your testimony. I am seeking Jesus on my own as of late, and am in the process of joining a new church and study group for the first time. Feel free to reach out to me in fellowship!
Hi
Hey Sarah,
You nailed it concisely.
I finished writing a book on the same sentiments, but from a collective perspective of the general populace since the dawn of time. My publishing agent appears to be reluctant to follow through on this sensitive topic of existentialism. I’m seeking advice on steps to take to move successfully on this beyond a simple self publishing pipe dream.
Sir Adam Justice
I understand. Im there. God is love, i may not always understand why, but i refuse to not believe. Nothing, NOT ANYTHNG can change what i believe. Jesus is the son of God and he died for me. My life is trash, no matter what i do, the pain is real. but i wont stop believing. I know what’s its like to love a God who allows me to suffer and bless those who follow the world. One day i may learn and grow enough to understand, but today is not that day, yet…i keep going. Believe, stay strong, Jesus loves us even if nothing is working. DONT GIVE UP.
At this moment I feel so so low and just want to end it all and forget everything.
Then I read this.
I still feel sad and dieing inside I put on a fake smile I act fake to please everyone.
I honestly believe that even the most (seemingly) successful of mankind, more often than not, put on that same “fake smile”, to bridge the gaps of stress and depression. To paraphrase Shakespeare, we’re all putting on an act on one shared stage called life. We put on fronts in virtually every aspect of living…everything from how brave we pretend to be as children challenged by our peers, to the inflated projections of our best potential in interviews and social media. The point of the matter is that you are NOT alone; it’s called “being human”. The trick is which of the countless coping skills you manage to master from your cache of life lessons, and become adept at identifying which one to draw strength from in natural reflexes.
I’ve witnessed many accounts of those standing on the fringes of the sensibilities of life, so I get it. “Life” in itself can be a crazy thing, but much like watching drama on stage, thank God every scene has its own climax, and the theatre has a countless array of stories waiting to be played out. The most beautiful thing I find in that analogy is that, bearing in mind that EVERYONE is a critic (even you), and free to draft your own fresh script on your next scene. We may not be able to control the way our audience will receive our production, but that has absolutely no bearing at all on what we make up in our own minds to imagine and then commit to action. It doesn’t matter if you have to improvise on a minimalist budget, or go it alone as a one-man show…do some fact checking on those who’ve gone before you onto that same stage with the same props and conditions to work with. No one ever said it would be easy, but believe this much is true; many of the most successful people the world has ever known, had greater challenges than yours or mine, and to look at the height of their achievements, it looks miraculous they reached such heights.
So…all of that I wrote just to say “I feel you”, “…been there…done that” and STILL AS WE SPEAK am wearing that “fake smile” to prove wrong the chaos of the world around me. Like a tree, the mortal mind was designed to grow and produce…even around rocks and the crap composted into fertilizer.
These may not be magic words to you, but they are anything but “fake” in the “smile” I pray you will come to find real, as you identify your most effective go-to coping mechanisms and commit to paper your best new script for the life you want to see played out, as opposed to letting someone else direct your lines. Depression can be filled with drama, and that’s ok…when put in its rightful place…theatre. “Drama is for stage; passion is for life”. As the song says, “I Need You To Survive”, because the story you write has the potential of proving keep to helping someone else survive a similar storm.
“Be Encouraged”
I have read several of these posts and I could have written much of them. God has partially healed me of excruciating anxiety and the accompanying depression. I have experienced the deep, intimate love that God has for me, but every day I have the “weight.” The weight has pushed me down and ground me into the ground. It has never left me and paralyzes my body, soul, emotions, and personality. Since the age of seven (50+) years, I don’t know what it is to be free and have the life return to my eyes and heart. I have had all the scriptures, the faith, the expectation, and the assurance of God that I was going to be OK. I would have the abundant life He promises. As the decades past with no end in sight, I still believed. Yes, there are times when I hate God because He has the power to heal, to set free, or just give a little encoragement to keep me going, but He is silent and distant. I have cursed God and slammed my Bible to the the floor pounding my fists into the bed, “why, why, why! Why have I been chosen to suffer. Give my life of affliction and pain to someone else. I have asked you for bread and you have given me a stone.” The first time I exploded, He waited for my temper tantrum to end and I heard Him say, “I love you Larry.” What an expression of God’s LOVE! Most days I thank God that I am another day closer to death, the day when my hell is gone. The most fervent prayer I have prayed is, “God take me home. I want out. I don’t have life. My suffering will be wasted. I’ll take the small mansion down at the end of the block.” I can tell you this, my pain and suffering laid me at the foot of the cross of Jesus who saved me. It has stripped me of all my self sufficiency, pride, shallowness, and self-centerdness. The Holy Spirit has molded me into a small, but distinct image of Jesus. My hopes, dreams, and desires have been crushed and destroyed along the way. I always wanted a happy ending, to find the peace, joy, and love that everyone seems to have. I can’t tell you that things are going to get better, and you certainly know I am not going to tell you to just get over it and get on with your life. If you are not a child of God, I pray your pain will bring you to the one who took your sin on the cross and will one day (hopefully on this side of heaven) take your pain away. If you are a believer, allow the pain to sculpt you into His image, burn the dross, and create a beautiful symphony of His perfect design.
Larry, this is very, very inspirational—I’m sure it is for a lot of other people who have read it, too. When you said, “…allow the pain the sculpt you into His image…”, I really think you truly revealed the real purpose behind the pain. I think that the pain molds us into His image. In retrospect, I see that much of my pain has actually been a blessing—-bringing me closer to what God wants me to be.
Thank you. When we are in the pain, especially when it seems to have no end or purpose, we just want OUT! Another reason God doesn’t heal us right away is that we would use our freedom to sin or be selfish. Quite frankly I’d like Him to remove my chains so I can live. I only want to use my freedom to bless others and tell my (His) story.
Hi Sarah. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s actually my first time to comment on someone’s blog. I am so related to you. I had been a Christian full of faith, loving my husband(new Christian). Yet recently I really doubt if God is real, is God seeing my faith, is God really hearing my prayers. Every word you wrote hits me so much. It’s exactly how I am feeling now, which it is hard to share with my sisters and even my husband. I felt that nobody can understand. By reading your blog, I almost burst into tears. I saw the date you had written it 3 years ago. How are you now? Do you have any new posts ? God bless you.
Dear Sarah
Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear what Jesus said to you in the car. I’m so terrified of continually sinning and being so self centered. Each day I try. I beg Hin to change me. But I’m so self focused. I needed to know He isn’t disappointed in me but lives me and wont give up on me. Thank you so much for sharing
God bless you.
Julie
Dear Sarah
Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear what Jesus said to you in the car. I’m so terrified of continually sinning and being so self centered. Each day I try. I beg Hin to change me. But I’m so self focused. I needed to know He isn’t disappointed in me but lives me and wont give up on me. Thank you so much for sharing
God bless you.
Julie
I needed this. Thank you.
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I wish I was born an atheist or agnostic. I would suffer less…as opposed to being brought up to believe that God loves you, and then being totally abandoned by him. I despise my ancestors for being Catholic, where it’s salvation through fear. Everything is a sin. And if I would go to another church then I’m condemned to hell ? And the truly disgusting part of this is that I’m not asking for anything material. Not money, not cable or satellite TV (I don’t have any TV except blurbs on my android), not a new car… Only to have someone in my life who loves me for me, and not because of an ulterior motive. Someone who actually gives a flying _____ that I’m alive. My few true friends are long dead. I never really had “family”. Sure, I had parents. I was the least in my mother’s heart, and only until I was over 17 did my alcoholic father care about me. My older siblings were true sinners and often physically and emotionally hurt me. I’ve been married twice. Both ex’s hurt me. I have one child, that my state gave me custody of. Her mother kidnapped her and raised her to hate me. Im in my mid 50s and have had 1 heart attack for certain. The doctor and hospital staff look at me like it’s my fault I’m alone. I’m a pretty decent guy if I say my so myself. I Put myself through college. I served in the military and was decorated for my performance. Speak two languages. I became disabled after being in 4 car accidents that werbt my fault. My career was destroyed. I’m in chronic pain more or less. I’ve spent countless hours volunteering, often at risk of my health or life. I used to have a lot of care and concern for people, and had so much love to give someone. Yet God and Jesus treat me like garbage. I’m not perfect, but I have tried to live an honorable life. I’ve been “dis’d” by the church and people of the church. If I had another heart attack right now and died, no one would know, and my corpse would decay before anyone noticed. And then no one would care. And I am supposed to believe in Gods love…? If I pray it’s mostly out of fear. If I curse god i am sorry out of fear. Im screwed no matter what.
I am hanging on only by a breath – I have been beyond discouraged, in losing jobs through downsizing and COVID, having of long time wife turn away because she is unhappy with her life. I long for any kind of kind word, affection, a positive. I am beyond positive that I have deeply insulted God to the point i am unseen by him. I am not worthy of anything or anyone, and even hell would be to good of a place for me.
I am fighting with myself daily trying to give myself pep talks but the pep is long gone,,i dont want to fool anyone anymore, I just want something real to hang on to.
i am so lonely and afraid and the walls of life are closing in. I am afraid to take the next step for fear of doing or saying or implying something that someone will get upset at or offended by.
God hear me,,,and if you dont,,,i understand
I am not a psychologist so no credentials to speak to any mental health needs. I am a person who knows God intimately personally – on that basis I assure you that you have never once impressed The Lord with your goodness, nor shocked Him with your bad behavior & you never will – He knows you & Loves you just as you are right now. Life can be hard on a good day & can get more difficult from there. You have described some really hard hits indeed. Here is your answer: DRAW NEAR TO GOD IN INTIMATE PERSONAL FELLOWSHIP IN HIS HOLY WORD THE BIBLE & PRAYER – RECEIVE & BELIEVE HIS WORD – PRAY ON THAT BASIS & BELIEVE. NO MATTER WHAT CONTRADICTIONS MAY APPEAR RECEIVE & BELIEVE GOD’S WORD, PRAY & BELIEVE. https://godsplan.us
but sooner or later there has to be some kind of action, whether it be good, bad or indifferent. Sooner than later one has to address the problems of life with or without someones help. one cannot just sit idle and expect, there eventually does have to be a call to action.
it is great if one can afford the time or the luxury, but for most of us we cant
draw near to God & He Will Draw Near To You. In so doing you know that whatever has happened, or whatever does happen, The Living God Himself, Who Loves, Cherishes, & Adores You Is both With You & In You.
To See For Yourself Check Out: https://godsplan.us
you are completely clueless ,,,people like me deserve to die and be left alone,,there is nothing for me,,,i have FAILED everyone and everything including God,,,i know he has abandoned me as i have failed,,
it is easy for you to proclaim that,,i have reached out for help begging for response,,yet, because of my past failures, i am ignored here and will be later
my life is a failure
So the hell what? What’s the point of Him being there if it’s all the same?
I totally agree…what a way to try to convince yourself that God cares. It’s pathetic. God needs to do a lot better than that, if he exists.
THE POINT IS THAT HE IS GOD & YOU ARE NOT. IF YOU DRAW NEAR TO HIM & COME TO KNOW HIM PERSONALLY AS LORD & SAVIOR THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND – THE CHOICE IS YOURS TO MAKE. https://godsplan.us
Amen
you mock the very people that need compassion,,that need an ear,,that need something to comfort them to the next day,,,how dare you act as if you are more mighty than they,,,people in this life need some kind of comfort to know they are not lost,,you obviously feel the need to pile on ,,most of us suffering know the problems,,what we dont know is if anyone cares
My name is lucky m 34 years m a Cristian I believe in God m frm south Africa m in desperate mode m currently in debt of about 320thousand in summary I took loans n ment to believe in a business deal dt went rong n I had to pay the money as I made loans using my payslip m depressed I cried day n nyt asking God why did he made me believe in a business I was donating food for OPHARNS n poor ppl n had to stop wen I went to debt review which it’s taking all my salary I had to sell my car at cheaper jus to get buy my numbers r 0728930373 pls m.asking for any donation u cn also watsap me n see dt m nt lying nor a scam as I will show u my monthly debt review payment with my bank my life has been turned ups n down n realise dt ppl in dis world will love u only if its beneficial for them m working as a paramedic at tembisa hospital n my children are now in trouble bcos I tried to do dis jus to help da poor n OPHARNS sumtimes to b a good its nt good I kept on asking God why me n read a bible’so I cn get clarity but no answered I have suicidal thoughts n I blame no 1 but myself I came here to ask for donation to my fellow ppl of God since 2020 covid19 my life has been miserable but I believe one God will ansa I tried to upgraded myself with school n after writing exams I was sapose to get my results I found out dt I.passed n I was happy n on my way to home to tell my parents my dreams of being intermediate life support paramedic perish as I was called telephonic n was told dt des a case against me of fraud since then my life has been a nightmare n it happen in 2017 even till now my employer say his doin da investigated n to my saprice the sister at hospital whom was supposed to clear my name passed away n I keep on askin God why me pls help.me jus to get out of dis debt only God knows m.begging in God s name
We have all felt that way in our life time.
We have all had questioning in our heads:
“What if Christianity isn’t the truth?”
“What if, after you die, that’s it? There is nothing!”
Maybe you’ve been struggling with an issue in your life and you’ve been praying to God and asking for His help but you haven’t had any answer and you feel like nobody’s at home in heaven.
Maybe you’ve questioned whether God has forgiven you.
And you have this residue of guilt and shame that you can’t seem to get rid of.
And you wonder, “Am I really significant?”
Maybe you question whether the Bible can really be trusted these days by thinking, twenty-first century people.
Maybe you’ve said to yourself,…”I think I’m a Christian. But maybe I wasn’t sincere enough when I prayed that prayer. So now maybe I’m not so sure.”
The truth is, there’s a spiritual virus that has been going around Christian circles for centuries.
It’s the virus of doubt.
And if you haven’t caught it,…..you probably will.
We could divide the world into two kinds of people.
First would be those people who have doubted.
The second group would be those people who haven’t doubted yet but who will.
Because if you seriously contemplate your faith in Jesus Christ, then it’s almost inevitable that sooner or later you’re going to have some issues, some questions, some hesitations, some uncertainties or some doubts over one thing or another.
This is not just a Christian experience.
It is a human experience.
It is not Christians who doubt, atheists also doubt their position from time to time.
So the issue isn’t whether or not we’re going to catch this virus of doubt.
You probably will if you haven’t yet.
The issue is what do you do once you’ve got it.
How do you prevent this virus from ravaging your faith?
What can one do?
WHAT IS DOUBT?
There’s a lot of misconceptions of what doubt is all about.
Many people think that doubt is the opposite of faith. But it’s not.
It’s a very common misconception.
Actually the opposite of faith is unbelief.
And there’s a big difference between unbelief and doubt.
What is unbelief?
Unbelief is a willful refusal to believe.
It’s a deliberate decision to deny God.
It’s making either a conscious or subconscious decision not to have faith.
But that’s not what doubt is.
Doubt is to be indecisive or ambivalent over an issue.
It’s to be hung up between certainties and uncertainties.
Sort of up in the air over a particular issue.
You may have questions or concerns about some facet of the Christian faith.
In fact, you can have a strong faith and still have some doubts.
You can be heaven bound and still have some uncertainty about some theological issues.
You can be a full-fledged Christian without having to feel like every single matter of faith and life has been 100% absolutely settled in your life.
It’s been said that struggling with God over the issues of life does not show a lack of faith.
That is faith.
That’s what faith is about.
If you want a biblical example just peruse the Psalms sometimes.
Go through and take a look at the so many times when David was calling out to God, “Where are You?”
He’s raising these issues and questions and doubts.
Did David have a weak faith?
No. He had a strong faith.
This is how a strong faith is often expressed – honestly talking to God about the issues that are foremost in our hearts and our minds.
People think that doubt is unforgivable. But it’s not.
Actually, God doesn’t condemn us when we question Him.
A great biblical example of this is John the Baptist.
If anybody in history should have been absolutely sure who Jesus is, it would have been John the Baptist.
He’s the guy who pointed at Jesus and said,
“Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.”
This is the guy who baptized Jesus and he saw the heavens open up and heard the voice of God say,
“This is My Son in whom I’m well pleased.”
This is the guy who pointed at Jesus Christ and said,
“I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God.”
He had incredible faith.
But what happens?
He gets arrested.
He gets thrown into jail.
There he comes down with the virus of doubt.
Now he’s not so sure.
Now he’s uncertain.
“Is Jesus really who He claims to be? Or should we be looking for someone else?”
So to resolve this he sends two of his friends to go check Jesus out and ask Him point blank the question,
“Are you the Messiah? Are You the one we’ve been waiting for to rescue the world? Or should we look elsewhere?”
So his two friends go.
They track Jesus down and they ask Jesus that question.
It’s very interesting what is the reaction of Jesus.
Does Jesus say, “What is wrong with John? If anybody should know who I am, it’s John!”
Does He criticize him, does He disqualify him from any role in the kingdom of God?
No. The Bible says,
“And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard. The blind receive sight. The lame walk. The lepers are cleansed. The deaf hear. The dead are raised up. And the poor have the gospel preached to them’.” (Luke 7:22)
In other words, Jesus is saying,
“Go back and tell John about these evidences you have seen with your own eyes that authenticate My claim to being the one and only Son of God and that will renew his confidence and will bolster back up his faith.”
So how does this affect Jesus’ opinion of John?
Does He now think that John is worthless and could do no good for the kingdom of God anymore? – No.
It is after this episode Jesus gets up one day and looks the people in the eye and says,
“I say to you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John.”
John had doubted.
Jesus is giving John the highest compliment in the world at the very same time, John has questions and concerns and doubts.
And I think the lesson for us is when you have questions and when you have concerns and when you have doubts, God does not disqualify us.
He wants to dialogue with us.
That’s not to say that doubt is praiseworthy.
The Bible never says that.
But it does say, I think, that in any relationship, we want honesty.
Your relationship to your spouse, if you’re married, or with your parents you just want honesty.
That’s what God wants with us.
In our relationship with Him, He wants us to be honest.
‘Lord these are the doubts I have.’ – ‘These are the questions I have.’
‘This is what I wrestle with, this the area that I am struggling with.’
There’s confidence that He’s not going to turn his back and walk the other way and be disgusted by that.
But He’s going to reach out to you and say,
“Let me help you come to resolution and bolster your faith just as I bolstered the faith of John the Baptist.”
So doubt is not unforgivable.
Many people think that doubt is unhealthy, but it isn’t always.
Actually doubts can produce some positive side effects if we take steps toward resolving them.
It’s like an immunization.
You get an immunization to help your body fight off the future disease.
What they do is, through the shots they give you; they give you a little bit of that disease.
Your body reacts to that little bit of disease and builds up antibodies so if you’re ever exposed to that disease your body will be able to fight it off before it takes hold and causes real problems.
Your body is actually stronger from the experience of having had a bit of that disease injected in the first place.
And when you’re infected with doubt, if you respond to it by seeking answers to your questions, you can emerge stronger than ever in your faith.
Your faith can be confirmed once more and it can give you new confidence in dealing with other doubts that come up in the future.
So tasting a little bit of doubt can deeper your faith. It can give you a hardier, more enduring, more resilient faith.
“If faith never encounters doubt, if truth never struggles with error, if good never battles with evil, how can faith know its own power? In my own pilgrimage, if I have to choose between a faith that has stared doubt in the eye and made it blink, or a naïve faith that has never known the firing line of faith, I will choose the former every time.”
I want a faith that has looked doubt in the eye and made it blink.
I don’t want a faith that shrinks back and is afraid to get in the firing line of faith.
I know my faith is going to be stronger having been tested by questions.
A good biblical example is doubting Thomas.
Having checked out personally the evidence himself for the resurrection of Jesus Christ he responds by saying in John 20:28 – “My Lord and my God!”
Then his faith was driven so deep into his soul, by having personally checked out the evidence of the resurrection, that he spent the rest of his life declaring that it was true, that Jesus was the one and only Son of God.
I hope that doubt looks a little different to us now that we’ve looked at what it is.
I want to reemphasize the fact that even though doubt is common, even though it’s not unforgivable, it’s still very dangerous.
If you leave it unchecked it can do great damage to your faith.
I want to talk about how we treat it, but we can’t begin to treat it until we know its source.
II. HOW DOES THE VIRUS OF DOUBT INFECT US?
Basically in three ways?
1. Doubt Infects Our Mind.
Often intellectual doubts come in through our mind.
We read the Bible, put it down – wait a second!
“Am I to believe there are really things like angels and demons and Satan and heaven and hell and that Jesus is really coming back? Are these things credible?”
Doubts can come into our mind if we don’t know why we believe what we believe.
Like a friend comes up to you and says,
“You’re a Christian aren’t you? You believe that Jesus is God? Why?”
So you take out a Bible and you’re going to show him some verses and he says,
“You can’t trust that book! This is the twenty-first century! Everybody knows that’s a book of mythology and legend and make believe and wishful thinking. You can’t believe in that.
What makes you think that the Bible is a trustworthy book that you can put your trust in?”
You kind of stammer and say,
“I just believe it, that’s all!”
And then doubt begins to erode your faith.
You begin to think,
“Maybe he’s right. Maybe I have swallowed this Jesus thing hook, line and sinker! Maybe I haven’t thought critically enough about it.”
And those doubts begin to take a foothold if you don’t know why you believe that basic truth.
Doubt can affect us if we don’t know what we believe.
Often we have a misunderstanding about who God is and you have to review who God is.
You may know a lot about the love and the forgiveness and the mercy of God.
But if you don’t know anything about the righteousness and the holiness and the justice of God then you’re going to wonder why He doesn’t do certain things that you think He ought to do and why He does do things that you think He ought not to do.
And doubts begin to come in because you don’t have a fully formed picture of who God is.
The problem isn’t with God; it’s with our understanding of who He is.
In the same way, we may think that God has promised to answer all of our prayers the way we want them to be answered.
And when we pray and our prayers aren’t answered the way we expect them to be, we begin to doubt that He’s there at all.
The problem is never with God.
The problem is with us in having an inaccurate view of who He is and that allows questions and uncertainties to come in.
Not only can doubt breed in our minds but…
2. Doubt Infects Our Emotions.
This can happen in several ways.
Some people have a faith that is fundamentally built on feelings.
Like the moment they gave their life to Jesus Christ, it was such a euphoric experience and it is for many people—it’s exhilarating to know that all your sins are forgiven and you’re going to spend eternity in heaven.
With some people it is an emotional high.
But that doesn’t last.
It begins to taper off.
When that emotional high tapers off people begin to think that their faith is going away.
The feeling isn’t the same so they think there’s a problem with their faith and they begin doubting.
The reality is they’re just misunderstanding the relationship between feelings and faith.
Faith is not fundamentally about feelings and emotions.
Faith is fundamentally a decision of the will to follow Jesus Christ.
It’s a choice that we make.
Our faith doesn’t fade and surge according to how emotionally charged up we are.
There’s another way doubts can enter into our emotions.
Certain personality types are more susceptible to doubt.
Just like some people are more susceptible to types of illnesses, other people are more susceptible to questions and doubts.
These are the melancholy kind of personalities.
They may be people who wrestle with a lot of sorrow, people who are very contemplative, very deep in what they think about.
Therefore they are more prone to wrestle, more than other people do, with questions and doubts.
The problem really isn’t with them.
God wired them that way.
There’s no problem being a melancholic, contemplative person who happens to have a lot of anguish in their life.
The problem comes in when they compare themselves to other people.
They may have a happy-go-lucky friend who’s doing fine and they look at their life and say,
“Why am I always questioning things? Why am I always bringing up uncertainties? Why am I always wrestling with angst and struggling?”
That’s a personality deal.
Don’t compare yourself to other people.
God wired you up this way.
And that’s ok.
Just be aware you may wrestle with issues more than other people.
Another way doubts can enter into our emotions is through emotional scaring that has taken place in our past.
For instance, you may have suffered abuse from a parent when you were a child.
Or a dad may have walked out on your family or your parents may have gone through a divorce.
Or maybe a spouse left you.
And when you go through that kind of abandonment very often that kind of experience can lead to chronic doubts in your life toward God.
Uncertainties that are deep down inside.
You’re just waiting for God to let you down like your dad did or your mom did or your spouse did.
If you go through history and look at the lives of the most famous atheists who’ve ever lived –
Karl Marx, Sigmund Freund, Bertrand Russell, Madelyn Murray O’Hare, Nitche, Camu – you look at their lives – every single one of them either had a father who died when they were young or who abandoned them when they were young or they had a horrible relationship with their dad.
Every single one.
For most people that kind of experience doesn’t lead them to atheism, but it creates barriers between them and God.
Why?
Because they may have such anger toward their earthly fathers deep down inside that it’s very hard to even consider the possibility of a heavenly Father that they would want to know.
Or they may be feeling like, – “If I put my trust in God, I’m going to end up being abandoned just like my dad abandoned me through death or divorce or whatever.”
So emotions can create barriers between us and God whether we’re aware of them or not.
3. Doubt Infects Our Will.
Doubt can come in through our point of decision.
When we have made a decision to follow Jesus Christ we need to walk honestly and with integrity before Him.
If as followers of Jesus we decide, willfully decide to pursue a pattern of sinful and immoral behavior in our life, we’ve got this one little pocket where we don’t want God in there, if we’re going to continue to pursue this sin because we enjoy it and we’re going to continue to practice what we know that God doesn’t want us to do, that kind of choice can introduce doubt and uncertainty into your faith.
Why?
Because sin introduces a lack of peace in our life.
When we struggle for lack of peace we begin to wonder
“Where is God to give me peace I’d hoped to have as a Christian.”
Sin also creates a distance between us and God.
When we’re harboring this sinful pattern in our life, we don’t want to bring our self wholly into the presence of God because we’re afraid we’re going to be confronted with this issue.
Then we begin to feel like “Where’s God? Why don’t I feel His presence in my life?”
And we begin to doubt that He’s there at all.
The real reason is it is our own decision to follow this continued course of conduct that makes us reluctant to fully engage with God.
Doubts can also run rampant with our will if we’ve never made the conscious decision to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
The real reason for our doubts is there’s never been a conscious choice we’ve ever made to say, “I want to receive Jesus Christ as the forgiver of my sins and the leader of my life,” so that from that moment on you can begin to build a relationship with Him.
So doubts can breed in our minds, our emotions, our wills.
But the key thing is what do you do with it when you’ve got it.
III. HOW CAN WE GET NURSED BACK TO SPIRITUAL HEALTH?
I don’t want to suggest this is easy.
I don’t want to suggest it’s quick.
But I do want to say there are some biblical principles that we can follow that can strengthen our faith.
I call them the five steps to faith.
The first letter of the first word in each of these points spell out the word FAITH.
So you can remember these steps more easily.
F-ind the root of your doubt.
You’ve got to diagnosis the source of how doubt has entered into your life before you know how you can deal with it.
You might want to do some self-examination, some research.
Ask some people who know you well to help analyze where is it that doubt is coming into your faith.
But don’t do it on a surface level.
Go deep and ask the tough questions of yourself.
So many people would say, “My problem is intellectual! I don’t believe the Bible can be trusted. I don’t believe that Jesus ever existed.”
But the reality is underneath those questions is something deeper.
People use questions sometimes to keep God at arm’s length as a smokescreen to obscure the real issue which is their pride.
You might think on the surface it’s just intellectual questions.
But the reality is that something underneath says,
“I’ve got too much pride to humble myself before my creator.”
So be honest as you analyze the source.
A-sk God and others for help.
Be honest with God.
There’s a story in the Bible about a father who came to Jesus Christ to plea for his help for his son.
I love what this father said to Jesus,
“I do believe. Help my unbelief.”
He had a heart to believe, to have faith.
Would you help me? I have this problem with doubt.
Jesus responded to him and He healed His Son.
It’s not out of bounds for you when you’re wrestling with questions and issues to go to God and say,
“Would You bolster my faith? Would You strengthen my faith?”
“We do not have because we do not ask.” (James 2:4)
Go to God, not as a last resort but as your first priority.
Say, “God, lead me to wisdom to help me get answers. Bring me to people who can help me in my life to strengthen my faith.”
And ask other Christians for help too.
That’s why it is important to have Christian friends and be accountable to one another.
That’s what community is about.
“We should honestly admit our struggles with each other and our shortcomings to each other and pray for each other.” (James 5:15)
I-mplement a course of treatment.
Figure out what course of treatment you’re going to follow to fight the virus of doubt.
If it has obtained a foothold through your mind and you have questions, don’t just let them be vague questions that kind of swirl around in your mind, generalized objections.
You’ll never get answers that way.
Sit down, take a piece of paper, and write a list:
“These are my specific questions that I have about Christianity.”
That’s great! Now we have a list we can work on.
There is an answer to every question we have in our mind!
If doubt has gained a foothold through your emotions, you don’t want to go through life with some sort of pain from your past which is an impediment to fully experiencing the joy and adventure of knowing Jesus fully.
Get those negative experiences out of the way so you can enjoy more fully the presence of God and not be riddled with doubts and uncertainties.
If it’s a question of your will.
Where are you holding back from God?
If you only give God ninety percent of your heart then you’ve got ten percent of your heart for the doubts to come in.
That’s where doubt will reside and fester and grow.
You’ve got a choice to make.
You can continue to pursue your own agenda and then deal with the kind of doubts that that agenda eventually raises and unsettledness in your relationship with God.
Or you can say,
“To fully know God is the greatest pleasure I could have and I want to abandon my ways and fully follow God’s way.”
That is the door that opens up to a faith that is vibrant and rich and strong and full of adventure.
T-ake care of your spiritual health.
If we want to be able to fight off a human virus that attacks our body, then if we’re healthy,
if we’re strong, if we’re feeding ourselves appropriately, then a minor infection is less likely to become a major infection and the thing is true spiritually.
When we exercise our faith, when we feed our faith with appropriate material, our faith grows deeper and when doubts come in they don’t take a foothold and they don’t grow and destroy our faith.
There are spiritual habits we must keep in our lives:
– Read God’s word
– Talk to God
– Go to Church
– Have friends who love Jesus
– Talk to others about Jesus
H-old on to your remaining questions
What does that mean?
Basically, suspend judgment for a while on some questions you might have.
Let me put this into context.
Because you and I are finite individuals with finite minds and finite understanding and finite imagination we can’t fully understand an infinite God.
In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul says that we now understand in part.
‘The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.’ (Deuteronomy 29:29)
So there’s bound to be some questions that we’re going to have to wait to get a full and complete answer to.
It might be that as you mature in your faith and grow in your faith you’re going to find an answer to your question that’s bothered you for years.
But sometimes you won’t.
You have a peripheral question in your life that will sort of nag at you and you’re not going to find out until someday when you get into heaven.
I sort of picture heaven like a third grade classroom.
Jesus is up there at the blackboard and we’re all raising our hands wanting to ask all those questions that have plagued us for years!
But until that day, I’ve just got the answers of the essential issues of life that I can trust the Bible.
That Jesus died for my sins.
That I can know Him personally and be assured of heaven.
That God loves me and He has a plan for my life.
That God will take care of me all the days of my life.
On a few of these peripheral questions, knowing the essential stuff and knowing the trustworthiness of God, it’s ok to sort of allow my faith to stay intact and put on pause all the other issues I do not have an answer yet!
If we had 100% of the answers to 100% of our questions there would be no room for faith.
We don’t have to know everything to know something.
We know what we need to know.
God has been gracious.
He’s given us exactly what we need to know.
Based on that we can follow Jesus Christ and have confidence that our eternity is in heaven with Him.
On these other issues we may have to wait a bit and that’s ok.
“If faith never encounters doubt, if truth never struggles with error, if good never battles with evil, how can faith know its own power? In my own pilgrimage, if I have to choose between a faith that has stared doubt in the eye and made it blink, or a naïve faith that has never known the firing line of faith, I will choose the former every time.”
Invisible,
I too am struggling with this area in my spiritual journey. God’s silence is a very large stumbling block for a lot of people, me included. I will agree that God does make people feel miserable. I believe that comes from the lack of God’s direct involvement when “we” want God to get involved. Arrrrrg! God doesn’t follow our time table. God told us that we would have trials and tribulations in this life. He never promised to give us a perfect trouble free life. Besides the above fore mentioned reason for misery, the rest of our misery comes from the devil, Satan. I could give you the reasons why the devil does this, but I won’t, as the reasons are obvious. We all “wish” that God would solve all our problems instantly, then life would be grand. Well you must realize that a wish isn’t the same as a prayerful request. Another problem is that we can’t compare our Heavenly Father to our earthly father, not exactly. Think about this. What would you learn if someone solved all your problems for you? Even our earthly parents don’t solve all of our problems. They sometimes let you stumble and fall, as a method of teaching, and for personal growth. A child won’t learn to ride a bike if the parents won’t let go of the bike. It is possible that a hands off approach can work. Yes the child will crash the bike without support, but that in and of itself will teach the child. God is the hands off kind of father, letting us learn on our own, through mistakes, through our trials and tribulations. Suffering is a learning tool. A tool that no one likes. As far as God not doing anything for us, look again. God already did do something amazing, wonderful, awe inspiring for all of us. God gave us His only begotten son, Jesus. I know that doesn’t fix the problems in our lives. It does give us some comfort to know Jesus died for us. So we may be forgiven our sins and have a path to God’s side in Heaven. God is eternal and that is what He works toward, eternity, not our blink of an eye (God’s blink) life time. Yes it is easy to be mad at God, but that anger won’t accomplish anything but make you even more miserable. So it is up to you, God won’t force Himself on you, so you must choose for yourself. God through Jesus, in Heaven, or Satan in Hell. I don’t know if this will help you or not but I leave it up to you to take this as you may. God is waiting for you to choose. I can only tell you that God is the preferable way to go. No matter how difficult it seems. Thanks and may God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
The day I received the Holy Spirit, I knew. Ken, I’m not directing this at you, I use to say, all my abuse I suffered and heartaches where and why? Where are you? I was a child but now I know he was there all along. I survived. We have free will and there are sinners who are free to sin. The Holy Spirit will lead you when you are found and you will believe. I wanted to put this out there, for people suffering. I still have PTSD and suffer Depression but I have someone to comfort me and a beautiful life after. Bless you all. Hope you get that gift of the Holy Spirit, Blessed Elizabeth
Diogenes Little,
Please read back to Genesis in the Bible. Please. Adam and Eve were the first two beings on Earth. They sinned and God cursed them and their descendants into suffering. Everything belongs to God in the first place. He created everything: the water, birds, light and darkness. So why did we suffer? Why did the ‘good’ outweigh the bad? Because we are sinners. In essence, we are sinners because we come from Adam and Eve. But God so loved the world, that we were saved by his One and Only Son so that we may have eternal life (John 3:16). God takes care of us, whether we think so or not. God does things for us because what we do only ends in suffering and pain (speaking from experience). Spiritual warfare is reality. Incessant prayers are needed for change. Look for a church, I have one that we would be delighted in to take you in.
God is good. Amen.
For ongoing Prayer support go to: https://wgcp.us When God’s Children Pray is a worldwide Prayer Gathering that can and will support you if you only reach out.
Wow thank you, I needed to see this today and I’ll remind myself of it when I need it. There truly can be a peace when you realize God is there even in the darkness. Even when the darkness doesn’t go away. Thank you for seeing God in the midst of your depression and helping others, God is using you. His grace is sufficient for us, thank you for the reminder.
This is the chorus from the popular hymn written by Rev. Edward Mote in 1834. The basis of it is the parable Jesus told in Matthew 7:24-27, where He compares our ability or inability to receive His Words by faith and find our life’s stability in them. The song says:
My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
Refrain:
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
all other ground is sinking sand,
all other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
in every high and stormy gale,
my anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
support me in the whelming flood;
when all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
As we move into a week of potential turmoil, we must hold fast to Jesus, just as this hymn reminds us. We must fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. We must stir ourselves up in our most holy faith and believe that evil will not ultimately prevail.
What we have to guard against is hope deferred. Here is a likely progression of unchecked hope deferred:
Discouragement
Confusion – we begin to question ourselves, dreams, words from God, and even His promises to us
Unbelief – this is experienced when hope is lost and expectations are gone; was God teasing us? (Of course, we know that it is not in His nature, but when we are being honest, we go there.)
Disillusionment – which usually involves questioning even the character of God.
Bitterness – with deep feelings of resentment we blame God, others, the prophets, our spouse, our parents, and maybe even ourselves
Cynicism – a complete loss of faith and hope
If you find yourself as I described above, what do you do?
Maintain Proper Perspective. Perspective is critical when it comes to emotional pain, it isn’t what happens to you that controls you and ravages your heart. Rather, it is what you believe about the situation that controls you. Take a step back. Tell yourself the truth. God is going to take care of you. He’s going to take care of your family, your job, your children. God does not tease or trick His children. He is faithful and His faithfulness to us never changes.
Draw Near to God. Spend time in His word. Psalms 107:20 tells us God’s word is actually a medicine and can heal your heart. The psalmist David drew near to God for victory over hope deferred. Use Psalm 27 or perhaps even compose one of your own to draw near to the Lord. If you quieten your soul and draw near to Him during your time of pain, of which simple worship and devotion are 2 keys, you can begin to experience change.
Speak to Your Heart. Declare over yourself what God says about you – that you have peace, joy, hope, and a healthy heart – even when circumstances still seem to contradict Him. “But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of spirit.” (Galatians 5:22-23 TPT)
Embrace Biblical Faith. In spite of what you feel or what circumstances tell you, choose to believe what God’s word says. Faith isn’t positive thinking, denying the reality of your circumstances; faith is denying these circumstances the right to remain in control of your thoughts, your words, your hope, your life. Exalting God above your situation changes your perspective.
Apply the Power of Hope. Psalm 103.8; 9:9-10, 33:18-22; 138:7; 89:1-2; Romans 5:5; 8:38-39; Jeremiah 31:3; 29:11; Isaiah 40:29, 31; John 8:36; 1 Corinthians 6:19; 1 Timothy 1:7; Philippians 4:13; 1:6; Romans 8:31; Ephesians 1:7; 2:6, 10; 1 Peter 2:4, 9
I’ve read most of this blog lthe reason why everybody in this entire blog is struggling is because you have not been filled with the Holy Ghost that was spoken in the book of acts and what I mean by that is pretty clear and you will receive power when that the Holy Ghost has come upon you you must repent and baptized in Jesus name and filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues. No exceptions without this you will not be saved and you will not have the peace of God you cannot overcome this world you cannot overcome your mind you cannot fight spiritual warfare without the Holy Ghost!
i wish there was someone to just talk to that wouldnt brush me off or tell me to do something that is so vague or just a passing answer, you know the kind where one asks you how you are doing only if your really told them they wouldnt care and dont want to care
i have so many more doubts about life now that ever before,,,i truly believe that if i were gone it would be a mention in the day and then life for all would just go on.
I dont think it would take 30 seconds out of anyones life, maybe that is what i am really worth.
Bill while it is very true that some people may not care if you live or die, The Word Of God clearly defines your actual worth: “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Romans 8:32 You & I will choose what we believe, embrace, & cling to and what we reject. Personally I believe & live, move, breathe, and have my being exclusively on the basis of God’s Word. I Hope that you can learn to do the same. Know this: I will Pray For You each day & every night from this day forward. https://godsplan.us
Hey Bill. I know I’m just some random person on the internet, but God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Lean into him. You might have been told that God has a plan for you repeatedly, and it might seem like that plan isn’t being put to action right now, but it is. God is letting you experience these feeling right now because he know you can handle it. He knew that you would be able to conquer these feelings even before you were born. Jeremiah 1:5 > “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nation’s.” Trust in him, because he knows.
We all are living in a broken world. The world is broken because of sin. Sin is a choice. You can’t blame others for your choices. Everyone has problems. You don’t know cuz you’re not them. God knows the heart. He alone knows. Anger comes from pride. Why did this happen to me? What makes you above anybody else? Humble yourself before God. Read His word if you truly want to know him.
This is the most thoughtless and ridiculous reply I have ever read. You are an idiot and should not reply.
This is incredibly tone deaf and wreaks of inexperience; piety over compassion always outs the ignorant.
Imagine being underneath the cross. Three crosses. Jesus in the midle.
Jesus a man brutally murdered.
You whoever you are whatever your situation. And there are some horrific places to be in. As you are underneath brutal cross of death.
Look at Jesus.
Ask your self would you really abandon Jesus in his hour of need.
Yesterday tomorrow now.
Abandon Jesus?
Forget religion people telling you must be born again. This is irrelevant.
The center of everything is here.
Christ has no obligation to anyone.
This is the son of God.
Stand underneath the cross and watch.
Abandon Jesus?
Amazing Grace.
Hi I never going to be abandoned by my Pather and as more that I know about hem the more I field closer to the thru, one thing I know by fact that no meter what, a Pather don’t abandon a son and I croze my heart no woman, gold, posetions or nothing nothing that all will make me live my daughter I will fight, blead, or do whatever it takes but a parent never live a child with out no reason, that’s why I can azure that our Pather will never ever live us, we are the ones who seperate, who forget, we are the ones who make the mistakes the ones who take desitions with out consulting the ones who do rong. because he was always there for us if we make 1000 mistakes he supported us 2000 times, but some times we are so selfish and blinds and so in matures the we don’t care we just do things to make people happy or just to stupidity to prove we can. But we don’t have the strength to say we sorry or to accept how careless we are, so much that we forget about who was really there for us who were really love us OMG how inosents we are some times and we belive we are the Queens or Kings of the world and I say jaja poor little things cause whit out fade or lieng all the time or making dumb scusses we are going to field better or be really happy, we are so blind that we don’t see that if we fall ones with something we go and fall again with the same things. maybe not now but latter we will realize all the good we use to have is gone, that’s why it heart more the second or third time but we are so cowers that we preferred to lose all than say: sorry I was rong I make a mistake. Remember what ever we do good or bad has consequences I believe is time to stop filling sorry, stop being embarrassed, stop stupid scusses and confronted reality and not to recover the lost cause that will mabe don’t come back but that little great sincere and pure love that we just move away from us like rough meat. cause that if we don’t recovered now is going to go away for ever. God or Jesus or the Holy spirit will never live us we are the ones to turn our backs live and heart what really matters for one stupid mistake that we live in the pass and all just to show them you are better than God’s grace, poor little insignificant creatures we are and more wen you don’t take the time to take seriously and value what was always there just waiting for ours lefts overs with that little was anougth, but we believe that we were bigger that our Pather and we just dom everything to the trash. We are the ones who forget about what really matters just for fun God forgive us and bless us for being so ipohicryses and bad human beings. Let’s don’t forget we’re we are coming from and see that we’re we are coming from is also there for us without deserved to be disturbing.(PARENTS )
This. Man. This, whew I don’t even know what to say. This helped me in so many ways, thank you Jesus for this amazing woman, Sarah. I read this write when I needed to read it. I wrote so many things down that you said. I don’t even know what happened, I just started sobbing and I thought I was doing really good. I just applied to help kids at a Christian summer camp, literally yesterday. My heart is breaking, but I feel like God is showing me that it won’t be easy. The interview went really well, but my main thought during my “breakdown” just now was that if I couldn’t handle myself right now and couldn’t care for myself then how will I care and love these kids in May? I honestly don’t know what will happen. I’ve been praying and reading the Bible but I’ve really just started to go deeper with my faith. The people interviewing me asked me what my first option would be and I said team leader. Team leaders will work directly with the kids. (Also I forgot to mention that this camp is mainly for kids in Iowa who are at-risk. They come to this camp called Wildwood and spend 5 days there.) My dream is to help kids and lead them to Christ. They also mentioned that they would like me to consider an option where I am a “leader for life”. This option is where I will spend half of the day receiving the teaching and then I will lead kids the second half of the day. The third option was the kitchen crew. I’ve never been to this camp before, but I’ve applied 3 times now. I’ll be 18 in April so I can officially stay the night at the ranch with the kids. I said that I would like any position but I would love to be a team leader. I really want to be a leader, but of course I’m praying and leaving it up to God. Now I’m thinking that the “Leader for Life” might be better for me but I don’t know. It’s up to God and the people who actually work there. I want to be hired so bad, and I’m worried that if I don’t get this job, I’ll take it as there’s something wrong with me. I’m trying so hard to prepare myself. I’ve been so exhausted with everything. Thank you so much for sharing this and also, I’m so sorry for just pouring my heart out on this comment when nobody on here knows who I am. I haven’t really expressed my feelings and I didn’t really know this is what I was feeling till I started typing it. Again, I’m sorry this is so long, but thank you so much for posting this. :’)
May the Lord bless you for sharing your heart in your reply; no need to be sorry for expressing your true feelings as the Lord meets us where we are. I pray that He’ll bless you with the job you desire and that no matter what, you’ll continue to walk in faith, trusting Him to provide all your needs (Phil.4:19). ❤🙏
Update: I got the job!!!! I’m going to be a kitchen staff. I’m so excited and prayers would be very helpful. :))))))) (Also, thank you Jasheta!! Thank you so much for commenting and your prayer. It means a lot. :,)
The world sure can let us down sometimes, Enduring the pain of false friends,, i am a 62 year old man with no woman, very lonely, over the last year i spent time with a woman as friends doing wholesome things and another guy who helped me with my computer, they both seemed like sincere people. Wrong, he turned out to be a degenerate and she has sex with men for money. It all has been difficult to get over this awful ending with two people i thought were friends, don’t give two hoots about him but still feel the need to help this woman,, now that she knows that ‘i know’ she won’t talk to me anymore, it is or could be a dangerous situation, for now i have to let it go,, there is a verse in the book of John, ” In the world you will have trouble, take heart, I have overcome the world”. I long for a better world. I am filled with sadness and loneliness. Thank You ,, i believe you care as does our Lord God.
Just a reply to myself,, still sad,, and hurting ,, so alone,, tears in my eyes,, do not want to live like this anymore, that is all, goodnight,,
Hi Eric, I can only imagine how you feel right now. I also have what feels like endless pain from lack of connection, understanding, and trust. One can only endure being shut down by women so many times before one loses confidence. As a 31 year old man, why keep trying when it only brings greater pain and further suffering, right? Also I’ve been cheated on, lose ‘close’ friends time and time again, some family looks at me like I am an exhibit, and no significant other either. To relate with your comment above, I even relocated, made great efforts of meeting new people and the next person I considered a ‘friend’, tried to ‘Break and Enter’ my apartment. That’s a story for another day, but in short God did not leave me. Just the opposite, he was there in spirit! I can explain in depth if interested in email. Anyway, I have not been able to be open to others since. The amount of pain in my soul is crippling and severely depressing. How does one forgive endlessly? I am no saint.
I talk to God and my conscience more than anything through prayer and meditation. At times it feels as if my heart is being choked from above and below as it suffocates my essence and all my love. Its as if my soul is drowning, trying everything just to stay afloat and it seems like no one can understand, just as I cant fully understand your situation. Heartache is the worst pain I have personally experienced. I’ve broken many bones, been jumped, several concussions, and people laugh when I tell them a broken bone isn’t that bad as it will heal in a couple months, but the pain in my heart/soul seems to last forever, enduring agonizing pain endlessly it seems. I want it to subside, I cant simply put a band aid on it, or can I? I know I have many good memories and I have a blessed life but all I can recall are all the times people have double crossed/stabbed me in the back. I just want to remember the good memories but cant seem to find them. All I can say is maybe we can help each other. A potential friend, a peer, an open ear, someone to talk to. jjuliano99 at gmail if interested friend or anyone else who is reading this also seeking help. The only way through this is helping each other. Sarah’s article was uplifting for the moment I needed it, even if its just to get by for one more day. As I read through the comments, it helped me realize I am not alone and you are not alone although we both know the feeling too well.
I hope this resonates with you and may we both find what we need in this life or the next. I hope you reach out. In grace – Joe
Sarah, thank you so much for writing this article. It encouraged me to trust the Lord & cling to Him even when I’m angry & I relentlessly struggle to accept His will for me personally. God bless you!❤🙏❤
Just a reply to myself,, still sad,, and hurting ,, so alone,, tears in my eyes,, do not want to live like this anymore, that is all, goodnight,,
i feel that but we all need to hang on i know it hared cuz i am stuggleing to so i know i you feel
life is hared for me my mom and dad id dieing and me and my brothers are acting like its nothing so they wont see we a scared i am loseing my faith and i want it back
A lot of beautiful comments here, by some very kind souls. I would like our gentle God to remove me, peacefully, from this life, this evening. I appreciate all the well intentioned supporters who want to save me. For some, such as myself, we are not interested in living any longer. It’s not a matter of meds, therapy, etc… I simply do not want to live any longer, and haven’t for a while now. Taking my life is not something I want to do. My family should be spared such agony. I therefore appeal to our kind and loving god, take me, peacefully. Please, with all due respect, do not say my thoughts are irrational, or that Satan has a hold on me. I am an adult, and I do understand what I am saying, and why. Thank you.
I seriously hate the fact that a Christian like you or any other sincere follower of Christ should suffer constantly, without the darkness ever being lifted or ever being able to experience any happiness. It’s simply not right. If we can never experience any true happiness or fulfilling joy in life then what is the point of existing? What kind of existence is that which God would allow for those who are committed to him? How is it acceptable for an all-powerful, sovereign, loving God that many of his children get to live life abundantly with laughter, love, and prayers answered while so many others have to ceaselessly endure a life of misery, forever in the clutches of debilitating depression or insurmountable sadness? Why is it that some get so lavished with the wonderful goodness of the Lord’s blessings while some of us only learn about that goodness through other people’s testimonies? Not only does that not accord with a lot of scripture and the character of God described therein, it seems frankly cruel to me that humans are designed in such a way that we have an intrinsic desire for happiness and without ever getting to have any happiness or joy the will to live is severely impaired if not altogether destroyed. Of course, I also think it is wrong that there are people born deaf or blind or physically deformed. I absolutely hate the life God has given me and perpetuated when I have needed Him the most. If this is the way He intends for me to always live then I will most certainly kill myself at some point. If that’s not the way God wants me to handle it, then He shouldn’t have designed me in such a way that I would hate living permanently in this type of condition and then allowed me to do so despite how much I served Him, sought Him, and obeyed Him. Seriously, I’m not ok with that at all. I refuse to accept a life of neverending sadness and depression.
Hi
This is one of the most accurate descriptions of what it is like to live with chronic mental illness that I have ever read. It’s also the most accurate in terms of other Christians’ gaslighting (even though they mean well and do not know what they are saying). My prayer for everyone who has read this post os that the Lord will sustain you with whatever means are most effective. Love to you all.
For clarity, when I said “this” I meant the original blog post.
hello! if anyone feels like they are at a last resort, turn to fasting! there are many different biblical fasts to embark on! i encourage you to watch fasting testimonies and how to’s on YouTube! start off with a small fast like 24 hours just water, and then graduate to another fast thats a little more challenging! read Matthew 6 for more info and Isaiah 58! ❤️ Fasting brings breakthroughs like never before
M 35 years old father of 3 m in debt review m frm south africa I made a bad financial decision n now cnt pay it back made to belive that business wud be good sumtimes its satan promising us fancy life style but because we are human being we ended up fall in trap on financial temptation belive me wen I say depression is real n it can kill had mental breakdown always slipping dnt wana face ppl only wen m force to go to work which it da debt review takes half of my salary I ended up fallin in smoking weed n cigarettes I dnt drink alcohol n was jus for pain reliever then became more depressed my heard fills like cn explode waking up in de middle of the night sliping is a luxury m in south africa this my numbers 0728930373 any1 good samaritan who wana help me pls I cnt imagine my life has been very messy since 2017 m currently in distress dispute with my employer regarding a case of fraud I was accused I cnt feed my family bcos of lost of money suiced has been raging but I put my faith in God but satan is playing in my mind pls help me any1 wu cn fellix mokoka that’s my name
M in debt of 350 thousand rand pls help me God or a good samaritan pls pls depression is killin me n shame n guilt pls help me suicidal pls help
hello! if anyone feels like they are at a last resort, turn to fasting! there are many different biblical fasts to embark on! i encourage you to watch fasting testimonies and how to’s on YouTube! start off with a small fast like 24 hours just water, and then graduate to another fast thats a little more challenging! read Matthew 6 for more info and Isaiah 58! ❤️ Fasting brings breakthroughs like never before
I do feel like God has abandon me. My entire life feel apart 4 years ago when I wanted to give the Lord all my life and not just a part of it. What happened then? The trials of Job. I lost my job, my wife left me for another man. My beloved cat died, IRS came after me, My son is going off the deep end like his bipolar mother has. I suffer severe depression on top of it all and so much more and it just never stops. I have spent years now crying and praying everyday to the Lord and my life just gets worse. I can only feel Gods presence after I cry. I trust God that Jesus died for me and forgives me. Thats as far as my trust now goes with God. I do not want to live anymore and curse the day I was born. I beg God now to take my life everyday. Im either dead inside or filled with searing pain. I have no strength left and I do feel abandon by God. I know He will never abandon my spirit but He has abandon my body and soul to be tormented day and night by the devil. I want to go home and I want God to explain to me why He even made mankind. I don’t see a point in all the suffering I see that covers every inch of this rotten world. Even God grieved that He made man before the flood. Life truely is not worth living and never was.
hello! if anyone feels like they are at a last resort, turn to fasting! there are many different biblical fasts to embark on! i encourage you to watch fasting testimonies and how to’s on YouTube! start off with a small fast like 24 hours just water, and then graduate to another fast thats a little more challenging! read Matthew 6 for more info and Isaiah 58! ❤️ Fasting brings breakthroughs like never before
I am very underweight so fasting is not such a good idea for me.
I use to feel like you every second of my life. I had two terrible bouts with depression that lasted a total of about 14 years. But I know for a fact that God healed me. That doesn’t mean that I sometimes don’t get depressed, I still do. But I will never again fall down that bottomless pit that God saved me from. The same pit that it sounds that you are falling down. And nearly 20 years later, I am still learning how to cope. And I just recently learned that being grateful for what I do have is a big part.
What keeps feeding the depression is the negative thoughts. That broken record is probably playing over and over in your head as well. The key is learning to stop that dirty broken record. It’s not easy. But I’m finding that showing gratitude does help a lot. I also went through periods when I rejected God. I now realize that with that attitude, I was not letting God help me. And many years went by before he finally cured me of the terrible depression. And there was a reason for that. To attempt to cure my depression, I tried different philosophies, religious practices (like Buddhism), learned psychology, but not once did I place my faith in Him. I was healed when I finally placed my faith only in him. You see, if He had healed me anytime before, I would have given credit to any of the other things that I was trying. And He waited to heal me until the right time. Because if I had given credit to something else, I would have never returned to God. He waited for the right time so that He wouldn’t lose me. But when I was healed, I knew it was because of Him. There is more to this as to how I came into this insight.
I still sometimes despair and think that I want to die. But I remind myself that that is not really what I want. I don’t believe that that is what you really want either. What I really want is for my pain to die. I still suffer. Bad things happen to me and my family. But God has also done great things for me and my family. And I always acknowledge that and thank him. And if my mind is clouded and can’t see past my pain to feel gratitude, I still remember what God has done for me.
I know that in your state that it is hard to have faith in God. That you feel abandoned by him. The thing is that we tend to blame Him for the bad things that happen. Sometimes shit just happens. That is a part of life. Sometimes we caused the very problems that we lament but tend to blame God for it. But it’s not about blame. Don’t blame yourself and don’t blame God.
I don’t have advice for you. Praying does help. My healing started when I asked God for something special. Jesus suffered a lot the night before the crucifixion. I meditated on that and got a little idea what he was going through. In a lot of ways, it was like the depression and physical depression burning in the chest pain that I felt. He knew exactly what was going to happen to him the next day; how much pain, humiliation, rejection, ridicule etc. that he would feel. He would even feel abandoned by God. But an angel arrived to give him strength and to give him comfort. I wondered, what could that angel have possibly said to Jesus to make him feel comfort knowing what was in store for him? What words? What words could give him strength? The special thing that I asked God for was for that angel (in tradition it was St. Gabriel ArchAngel) to come to me and tell me what he said to Jesus. I wanted those same words to comfort me and to strengthen me. And an angel in the form of a blonde woman in a black hooded cloak came to me in a dream. She held and caressed my head against her. My adult consciousness then separated from the person the angel was holding. I saw that it was me as a nine year old that she was holding. The angel hugged and lovingly caressed the little boy. And then she spoke to him. My adult conscious didn’t hear what she said. But when I woke up I felt the terrible weight that I had been carrying being taken away from me. It was so heavy I couldn’t believe that I was able to carry it at all. I had a couple of more healing dreams. I realized that the angel spoke to the part of me that needed to hear those words. And they are inside of me. Even though my conscious mind does not know what was said, I carry those words inside of me. And I know that they give me strength when I need it. That is why I am positive that I will never fall down that bottomless pit again.
Try it. Ask God for the same thing that I asked for.
We’re all pretty strong here. The fact we’re all talking is we are reaching out to christ.
Stay strong
No matter what
The opposition hates this.
The stronger you are
The weaker he is.
He is using everything to buy your soul.
You are all bright light in christ.
Don’t give up
No matter what.
God is like an air traffic controller.
Your in a place good or bad.
If it is bad he will move you on.
If it is good he will consult you.
What matters is our personal relationship with christ.
Christ always gently offers and sends a unpressured invitation.
Imagine standing over a bridge of a huge lake.
If you look east the waters are stormy.
If you look west the waters are calm.
An invitation.
Not hurriedly prepared.
In the 40 days that Jesus was in the desert
One thing really stands out. Perhaps even in the whole of the Bible.
The opposition tempts christ to serve the devil in exchange for whole world.
Jesus of course rejects this.
The devil has No rules whatsoever.
So be careful.
You and and me.
The desert is important for many reasons.
Do not consider taking your life.
Yes the desert is dry. But is also a place to make clear choices. The offer of christ.
hello! if anyone feels like they are at a last resort, turn to fasting! there are many different biblical fasts to embark on! i encourage you to watch fasting testimonies and how to’s on YouTube! start off with a small fast like 24 hours just water, and then graduate to another fast thats a little more challenging! read Matthew 6 for more info and Isaiah 58! ❤️ Fasting brings breakthroughs like never before
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with depression my whole life but the pandemic made this so much worse. This week has been really hard for me. Just a quick share: I was in prayer today on my bed and decided to get up after that and sing to make myself feel better. After singing I came back to my bed and saw that my Bible was opened to Psalm 23. I dont remember turning my Bible to that Psalm but there it was. God was just letting me know he was there. I was still a little down but at least he was thinking of me. I’m reminded that God does not promise no darkness but he promises to be there.
I’ve read a lot of comments and see that many people wonder about not being able to hear the “still small voice.” Many of you have probably heard it but you do not recognize what it is. I didn’t know what it was for many years when I started hearing it. Don’t get me wrong, I can count the times that I have heard it on both hands. It is not something common. It is very rare. And in my experience it has given me insight about other people and not given me direct guidance like some of you think that it does. But this might be different for everyone. That is just my experience.
The “still small voice” (I call it the whisper) is not an audible voice that speaks words. It’s a whisper but it’s not. It’s more like a breeze but it’s not a breeze. It speaks but it doesn’t say words. But then again it does say words. It comes from my right side near my rib cage. And I sense feeling more than anything that my mind translates into words. I can’t really explain it better than that. And it speaks in short phrases. For example, I wanted to reach out to a girl that rejected me on Mother’s Day because her mother died two months earlier. I didn’t reach out on Mother’s Day. I felt a need to write her a note the day after. But I wasn’t going to send it because I figured that I was just using it as an excuse/opportunity to contact her. But then the whisper said, “Yesterday was a very tough day for her. Send it.” And I did. I didn’t mention that I knew how bad it was for her on Mother’s Day. But she responded by telling me what the whisper had already let me know. Now I know to trust the whisper. Because I didn’t trust and/or ignored it in the past.
You shouldn’t expect to hear the whisper. It doesn’t matter how much faith you have, how much you read the Bible, how pious you are, etc., you may never hear the whisper yourself. The story explaining the “still small voice” from the Bible has been taken out of context. The Bible does not promise that God will speak to us in that way. The story is only saying that that is the way that God spoke to Elijah. And only to Elijah. None of us are Elijah. If God speaks to any of us using the still small voice it is for His purposes and not for ours. And if He does speak to us in that way, it is not a sign that we are favored more than others. It is not a sign that we are holier than others. It only means that God wanted to reach us in a way that we would accept it. Some of us, like myself, are hardheaded and rebellious and that is the way he chose to communicate with us. And if you don’t hear it, that does not mean that God has forgotten or forsaken you. That does not mean that you are not favored. It does not mean that He has not heard your cries for help. His help will come at the right time. Keep the faith and you will see that when His healing does arrive, it was worth the wait. You are His Beloved Son/Daughter. He never leaves your side and He will never abandon you.
God has to have been there in the first place to be able to abandon someone. As far as I can tell God has never been here for me. I believe that if someone is there for you, they are actually there, that includes God. Have not seen, heard, or felt anything that points to God being present in any way. Not trying to put you down or anything, but please can you explain how to hear that small still voice. I am at the point where I need to hear from God. 4+ decades of nothing but silence is extremely disheartening.
Thanks and God bless you, in Jesus name, Amen.
Most of the time Gods speaks to you directly through other people. Listen to what people say to you. There is one or two persons in your life that are carrying God’s message to you. They communicate it to you but you are not paying attention because you are not expecting it from them. Remember, God sends messengers (angels) to deliver His messages. It was ArchAngel Gabriel that delivered the greatest message from God that the world had ever heard – that Jesus was arriving. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open and you will hear God’s message to you from the people around you. That is what I was taught to listen for. I didn’t know anything about the whisper. I’m almost 50 and I barely found out what the still small voice is last month. It didn’t play any role in helping me with my depression and pain. Don’t look for it to help you with yours. I’ll tell you a little of my story. Maybe that will help you.
I can somewhat understand how you feel. I have a terrible childhood emotional wound since I was 3 or 4. This pain felt like a knife cutting my chest and as if my chest was bleeding and on fire. And for most of my life up until my mid 30’s I felt this pain almost daily and for the entire day. The pain was accompanied by strong feelings of being worthless, inferior, and not worthy of love. And these feelings made the physical pain worse which then in turn made these other feelings even worse yet. It was a vicious whirlpool effect that made me sink lower and lower. I didn’t know that feeling this way was not normal because that is the way that I felt my entire life. I believed the lie that I was worthless, inferior, and not worthy of love because I didn’t know any thing else. I never asked God for help because I just thought that that was the way that he made me.
Then as an adult I struggle with depression. I went through 2 terrible bouts that almost destroyed me. Sometimes the pain was so bad I believed that death was the only way to stop it. But I didn’t give up. I finally asked God for help when I was 27. He didn’t help me until six years later. I felt abandoned and forsaken by Him probably like how you are feeling. He waited to help me because I had turned to other philosophies and religions and psychology to try to cure my depression. If He had cured me when I asked, I would have given credit to any if the other things that I was trying. I would have turned away from him completely. He waited until I learned on my own that the other things I was trying did not work. So that when He did cure me, I would know without a doubt that it was him. Otherwise He would have lost me. My breakthrough was when I prayed that he send the angel that comforted Jesus in the garden the night before His crucifixion. His suffering that night had similar parallels to what many of us suffer. I asked God to let the Angel tell me the words that were able to strengthen and comfort Jesus.
I then started having visionary healing dreams. The angel came to me in a dream. In some dreams I was Superman and Christ-like . Jesus took away that terrible weight and pain that I had been carrying all my life. At no point did the whisper speak to me. I am not completely healed yet. My last task was to jump into the bottomless pit to save the part of me that is still falling in it. But I hesitated and was filled with fear. I was like St. Peter that walked on water but lost faith and started sinking. So I still struggle with Depression. But it is nowhere as bad as it was before. Sometimes I don’t even know a I’m depressed but then one day I wake up and the sun is shining super bright then I realize that I had been fogged with depression. But it’s not big deal now.
There is one psychology book that I know that God guided me to read. It dealt with behavioral therapy. This book spoke about schemas – Childhood traumas that we never learned to overcome and follow destructive patterns as adults unconsciously recreating those events to try to overcome them. This book taught be how to really identify what was going on with me. It helped me identify the childhood emotional wound and what caused it. It taught me how to identify when the schemas were triggered so that I could avoid the destructive patterns.
All I can say is pray like I did. Place your faith in God. Doubting like you are doing does not help. I know because I did the same thing. But also seek professional help. It’s ok to take meds to get your system back in balance with meds and it helps talking to professionals. Pastors and priests are usually poor choices because they are not trained in this area. You might need meds because being depressed releases certain chemicals in your brain. The negative thoughts releases certain chemicals as well. We become addicted to these chemicals. I was. After 40 years, you might be addicted to those chemicals as well. Like mine did, your brain might be keeping you in that state to keep getting those chemicals.
But I needed help with the old wound. Only God could help me with that. You might have something from your past that needs to be faced by you. It will not be easy. That is why you will need to believe that God is with you. But it will still be very hard to face that pain. If that is the case with you, don’t give up. Even if you feel God is not with you, believe that He is. Because He really is there. Even Jesus nailed to the cross felt abandoned and forsaken by God. Don’t give up. When God’s healing comes, you will see that He does great things for us.
Hi Jc, thanks for your reply.
Yes there are things that bring pain into my life. I find that most of my depression comes from God’s lack of involvement in my life. The broken promises, the silence, the unanswered prayers. I need God to get directly involved in my life. As it is, there is no hope for life. God hasn’t given me anything to maintain hope with. You will probably say what about Jesus. That hope is for after this life. That is something that God did for everyone, not just for me. As far as this life goes, it appears like God doesn’t exist, or care. Thanks and God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen.
Don’t give up. I thought death was the only thing that would end my pain. I welcomed it. I wasn’t brave enough to bring it about myself. But I did some reckless things. I didn’t care anymore. All I had was my broken faith in God. But he did good by me. I know that he will do good by you. I wish I could help you. I think giving in 100% and trusting Him will turn your life around. It won’t happen right away. But He will help you. I think our doubt and attitude that He won’t help us is what keeps us from being helped. It’s not so much that God withholds his help. It’s that we won’t let him and we don’t accept his grace. Because it is not coming how we want it it. We want to see Him come in the hurricanes and earthquakes. We want to witness Him opening up the sea. But He comes to us in quiet subtle ways.
I have a feeling that you dismissed that I told you to look for the people around you for His message to you. You want to receive His message how you want to receive it. Not the way He is trying to reach you. That is where you might be stuck. I was like that too. Even after he helped me I fell into doubt. But he saved my life twice by performing 3 miracles since then. I didn’t have functioning lungs for at least 1 day but I was still breathing and walking around talking and joking with people as if nothing was wrong. Like I said, I’m hardheaded, His help and saving me was not enough. I still rebelled. Two years later He stopped a bullet that was heading towards my head. And I was still hardheaded. It has taken me 3 more years to fully comprehend what He has done for me. He could have just let me die both times. For a large part of my life I waited for death. I asked for it to take me. Now I’m glad that God didn’t let it take me.
When it came to my healing, God was not the sole hero in my story. He built me up so that I participated. I was also the hero in my story. In the vision dreams, It wasn’t Him fighting the battles. It was me. And He made me into Superman to make sure that I won those battles. That might be why it doesn’t always happen right away. Because He might be trying to build you up so that you can also be the hero in your story. Have faith in Him and let Him build you up. He will give you everything that you need to win the fight.
Oh one last thing, I am not being guided by the whisper to respond to you. But I feel like I need to. I can’t tell you for sure that it is God pushing me to have this discussion with you and to open up about me. But it is probably not coincidence either. Maybe God is speaking to you through me. That is how it works 99.999% of the time. He comes to us in other people. Meditate on everything that I have told you. Meditate on Jesus suffering in the garden the night of His crucifixion. Maybe then you’ll understand what was done to help him. And then ask for that same help.
God bless you my friend.
I can identify with a lot of what you said. Thank you
Im with you on there is not hope here but only in heaven with the Lord. Im ready to go home and don’t want to be here anymore. Sometimes all I have to be thankful for is God spared me what I feel inside forever. I know what hell feels like and it has given me a burden for the lost but I have no answers as to why seems to abandon us here on earth.
Jc, thanks again.
Yes I dismissed the idea that God makes people help others. Let me explain. God gave us free will to make our own choices. God won’t interfere with our free will. Thus I believe that the people make the decision to do anything. You chose to reply, God didn’t make you do anything. You did that on your own, God didn’t have anything to do with you replying or not.
God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen.
You are right. God doesn’t force us to do anything. Maybe using the word ‘pushing’ on my part was the wrong word to use. But you chose to focus on that and ignore my whole point – That maybe God wanted me to help you and to carry and communicate His message to you and that I responded with a yes. And because you ignored my point and focused on that little detail, that He ‘pushed’ me to help you, I’m now getting a feeling that you are too comfortable where you are. That you have settled living in a constant PMS state (poor me syndrome). I know that people do that because I have done it myself.
I hope that you learn to see beyond the fog that your pain and if you have it, depression, has created around you. I hope the best for you.
Jc,
I know what you are talking about. That you responded because you believe that God told you to. Is that correct. I definitely am not comfortable with the miserable life that I have. I am not comfortable with my situation with God. 40+ years of disappointment with God is hard to get past. I do think that some people know what works for them. I have tried everything that I can think of plus everything, except fasting, that other people have suggested. Nothing ever changes. I’m told that the only way to get where I want to be, is to live God’s purpose for my life. The problem is that the Bible doesn’t answer what that purpose is, and God isn’t telling me what He wants me to do. As for fasting, the Baptist church I grew up in didn’t practice fasting. Explained like this. Fasting is going without food for a number of days. Fasting is hunger denial. When you are hungry you can end up with delusions. Hunger causes delusions in as little as one day without food. My pastor said that for this reason fasting related visions, voices can’t be guaranteed from God. The Bible says that God will meet us were we are. Still a no show. I just don’t know what to do and no help from God. I am alone with no family or friends to talk to. I live in poverty and can’t even afford to get to church. Let alone tithes and offerings. Have been in poverty my whole life. No skills or talents to help myself with. I am sorry if I offended, or disappointed you with my response. I have been in a fog of depression for the last decade +. I have asked God to remove the depression, nothing. Everyday I wake without prayers being answered and no response to my questions. Everyday I slip further down this pit of depression. God’s lack of involvement in my life is a cause of my depression. I am so tired of seeking God to only end up being ignored. So tired of the waiting. So tired of the silence. So tired of hearing God wants to help me, but He never does. Just plain tired and hurt. The suffering caused by God’s absence. I have reached the point where I believe that only God can help me. But He seems to turn His back on me.
I want to go home but can’t.
God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen
I’m sorry that it has been so hard for you.
My tradition does not use fasting in the way it is being suggested either so I can’t comment on that. All I know is that Intermittent Fasting is good for you in the general sense of the way. If anything, try that for your general health. 16/8 fasting pattern is good. It will make your body healthier and it will help you think clearer. I know that for a fact. At our age 20 hour fasts 3 times a week might give us the best results. But if you try intermittent fasting, work your way up to the 20 hour fasts.
I think that maybe you haven’t tried one thing. But it is very hard. It is super hard for me. But I manage to sometimes accomplish it. And that is to accept. Accept the past; Accept the pain; etc. you have mentioned several times the 40+ years. The time is weighing very heavy on you. I’ve lost about the same time because of depression. I am not at peace while I focus on that. But when I accept it all, I take the depression’s and my pain’s power away. I accepted my death the two times that I encountered it. I was not afraid of it as a result. It had no power over me. I lost the woman of my dreams because of my inner struggles. And it hurt bad. Very bad. And it only got worse as time passed. It was not easy accepting it. But it stopped hurting once I did.
Play your part by not feeding the depression. I imagine you have negative thoughts like I do and maybe obsess with them like I use to. Learn first to identify when you are falling into those negative thoughts (at our level we do it automatically without thinking) and then learn to stop them. I know that at this stage it feels like God has abandoned you. That is why I say listen to the people around you. One of them has the message that you need to hear. Because even though you are seeking a message or sign from God, you have at the same time closed yourself off from Him. I know that doesn’t make sense. The people around you are your best bet at this stage in your life in seeing His presence in your life. I didn’t accept that answer either when I was having the same struggles as you. But then I paid attention to the quality of people that were entering my life; how they viewed me; and what they had to say.
With that point, exclude negative people from your life that put you down or make make you feel bad. Surround yourself with only people that make you feel good and are positive. That is important for a depressed person to do. It doesn’t matter if that person is your best friend. It can even be a parent. If the person makes you feel bad, stay away.
And also get professional help like I suggested. Many people completely skip this. Some go to their pastors or priests for help and don’t receive it because these religious are not trained to help with these issues. Then in disappointment turn against God or their churches. Heck some of the Pastors and priests are suffering with depression as well and they don’t know how to deal with it for themselves either. Would you go to your pastor to operate on your heart if you had a heart attack? They are the wrong choice to deal with depression. They might be able to give you insight on how to listen for and hear God’s message to you.
Behaviorial Therapy is legit. Try to find a counselor that focuses on that. If you can’t pay for therapy, take a book out on the subject from the library. It is easy to understand and apply the concepts. And in the mean time go through the motions even if they seem empty.- Keep praying – Keep reading the Bible. Keep doing what ever it is that you do to connect with God.
The Battle against depression is tough and we need to fight it in many fronts. I’ve tried my best to explain many of the things that can help you win the fight. It will still not be easy.
People tell me that God has a purpose for me because He saved my life twice. He could have just let me die. The only purpose I know that I have is to build a relationship with Him. That’s it. That is your purpose as well. That’s it. Become His friend. Talk to Him like you would a friend. I have a feeling that you only whine and complain to Him. That’s all I did until 2 months ago. That is not how to build a relationship with Him. That’s all I know. I don’t know what really works for me. I just know that right now today, when I think what He was done for me, I cry and I am filled with strength to keep fighting and not giving up. He does not speak to me. I do not have visionary healing dreams like I once did. I just know He is with me. I cannot tell you why he heals some people faster than others. Or why he doesn’t take the pain and darkness away from others.
I see how my words can seem hollow to you right now because you have heard something similar a million times. But I am speaking to you as someone who just two months had very little faith that God was real. That everything, Him, the Bible everything was fake. Like you, I was in pain of losing so many years. I didn’t have a normal young life dating and getting married. I was in too much pain and suffering. Up until two months ago I was not able to accept that I missed the opportunity with the woman of my dreams. She loved me. But after five years after God saved my life for the first time, I fully comprehended one of the miracles that God performed. I didn’t have functioning lungs for at least one day but I was still breathing, walking around, talking and joking with people like nothing was wrong. He could have just let me die. I always wanted to die in my youth. I’m glad that He didn’t let me die. That realization is changing me.
I grew up poor in a shithole. I still don’t have much to call my own. I haven’t worked in 3 years. I don’t have many friends. I do have my parents and brother. But I can’t talk to them about my struggles. I’ve always been treated and judged based on where I grew up. But that is not who I am. I am none of this. I don’t let it control me. You are not the poverty that you have suffered. You are not your pain. You are not your failures. Don’t let them define who you are. Those thoughts feed and drag you down into depression. Accept them and let the pain go away. Don’t hold on to it. It will lose it’s power if you accept. The pain will only remain if you hold on to it after it loses it’s power.
Be well my friend. I hope my story helps you find what you need to find peace and to win your fight. As you are beginning to see, we have many things in common. Maybe that is why I sense a need to respond yo you. I will pray for you. Fight your war against the depression on all the battlefronts.
Im sorry that I can’t be better at this. At trying to help.
Jc,
I’ll start by saying that I feel your pain in you story. No one should have to go through that. Sorry about your loses and hard times.
If you look at fasting on a daily basis, I already only eat once a day if lucky. So I could call that 23.5/.5 per day. I have to rely on the food bank to get that one meal per day. The food bank only gives enough food for about two weeks (eating 2 meals daily). After I pay my bills and rent, I am left with about 60 dollars for everything else for the month.
It is good to hear that you have family. My family is dead. All my friends moved away. You mentioned that you lost the love of your life. At least you got to experience that. I have had 0 girlfriends in my life. Females have always shunned me. I say hello to a girl/woman and see the disgusted look on their faces. I don’t have a pastor as I can’t afford to go to church. I don’t know what you mean by accept the pain and hurt. I have no choice but accept it, as I have already lived it. I don’t have to worry about the quality of people in my life as I don’t have anyone. No one is coming into my life. I am isolated. Can’t afford therapy and disability doesn’t cover it. I haven’t worked for over a decade. I was diagnosed as Bipolar, Manic Depressive, and Anxiety Disorder. The way they interact makes it hard to be around people. It is impossible to not look at the failures as my life has been nothing but failure. Everything I have done has failed. My family was a failure. Working was a failure. Nothing has gone right in my whole life. When I look to see what God has done for me (just me), I cry over that as it appears to be nothing. At least nothing meaningful or noticeable. Just my useless life. Yes the time is weighing on my mind and soul, God didn’t make me to be patient. The waiting is a form of torture to me. I don’t try to dwell on my past and try to look to the future. A future of misery is all I see. The future is tied to the past. What happens tomorrow depends on what was done in tomorrows past. Sometimes I feel like God is keeping me alive just to torture me. Nothing to find strength in. I have prayed for the ability and finances to help homeless people get off the street. This is my dream. God wants us to help others but won’t give what is needed to help them. Just for clarification, here is what I pray for most.
#1 For God to be directly involved in my life.
#2 To help me help others.
#3 For a physical modification to me. To change something I hate about me.
#4 To help other people since He(God) won’t help me.
I try to be grateful for this useless existence. I don’t live, I exist. It is impossible without God in my life. Negativity and pain are all I have with an absent God.
I would have to say that the worst advice I have been given is to think differently. I don’t know how to just change how I think. Think happy and you will be happy. I can’t just change how my brain works, only God can do that. And He isn’t doing it. He isn’t doing anything. You said all I do is complain to God. That’s because I don’t have anything to be thankful for as long as God remains out of my life. Note: I am always grateful for Jesus and the sacrifice made for mankind. That is for everyone not just me. Some say life itself is a daily gift from God. It’s only a gift if the person has something to live for. I do not. As for books from the library, it’s a long story, needless to say I can’t access the library. Any books will have to be bought with money I don’t have. Same for courses, training, and education. Life just doesn’t have any hope without God being directly involved in my life. As long as God remains silent and absent I want to go home to God and Jesus. God bless you, in Jesus holy name. Amen
P.S. Sorry for the rambling, my mind wanders all the time. Part of the Bipolar Disorder I think.
What I am going to do is Pray for you with others in Prayers Of Agreement based 100% Upon God’s Word In Complete Reliance Upon God’s Love – We will be Praying specifically for a Loving, Compassionate Christian Friend for you. Please understand that none of us have any ability to “fix anything in your life” we can’t even fix anything in our own lives. What some of us has learned to do though is rely fully, completely, in all ways upon The Lord God. This is only so for those who have moved to the place of INTIMATE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IN HIS PRECIOUS HOLY WORD & PERSONAL PRAYER LIFE. That may seem far-fetched or impossible now, but I personally life in exactly that position daily & someday you can also. A Devoted Christian Friend can help Encourage you in this.
Thanks, Jc,
I appreciate everything you have done for me. God bless you, in Jesus holy name, Amen.
Surrender means knowing what you want and accepting that you might not get it because you no longer belong to yourself. Grieve your inability to take your own life not because you dont know how to but because it is not yours to take. accept that you might never shake that feeling all the days of your life and then like Job say” thou you slay me yet will I praise you”. the deepest praise comes from a broken heart and wounded soul that knows this life is temporary albeit it might feel never ending. ” when everything falls apart praise his name”
https://youtu.be/7viJo7PA1GU
Yeshua Hamesiach Loves you Kenneth Gray. You might not feel it now but know it for a fact. Read his word and forsake all else, seek to understand Him and you shall find Him. If you honestly seek Him you will find Him and then and only then can you make sense of your pain. Oswald chambers bible study has enriched my walk with God perhaps you might want to give it a try https://utmost.org/ It has seen me through very dark times. I know you are a guy and perhaps you have bought the lie that men dont cry. but God created tears for a reason use them! David a man after God’s own heart used them. It eases the pain and rage you will feel as you soldier on in your pursuit of knowing Him to discover a reason to live. Yeshua Haesiach Lord God of Israel, King of Kings I speak into Kenneth Gray’s life, Strength to endure as Paul, David , Job and Nehemiah did. Great are the plans you have for him give him the strength to endure this trail knowing greater is He who is in him then who is in the world. Let me know that you our saviour in the garden of getsenemi carried out ” takes this cup from me, but not my will, your will be done.” On the cross he cried out ” My God….. My God why have you forsaken me.” To the end was He faithful. let Kenneth hold on and be counted faithful too as his saviour Yeshua Hamesiach who awaits to wipe all his tears.
Wow! I think this was awesome! I felt as if this was me minus the Depression I guess. Sometimes you can be depressed and not know it. But your message touched me so that I had to share. I felt as if you where talking about me in many ways. God is good and you help me realized that he is walking with me! Thank you so much.
Sarah, I just stumbled on this. Beautifully written, true and encouraging. Let’s all hang in there! X
PRAISE THE LORD GOD MOST HIGH!!!
Is it hard to feel as if you don’t have much or just have only little faith when you’re going through depression?
Yes Anna it is very hard to feel you have much faith when you are in a depression. Ive read a Charles Spurgeon’s book and he suffered great depression most of his life and he said he pitied the man that feels cut off from Gods presence and feels forsaken. I have felt that and still do at times. Its an awful thing for anyone to go thru. I get to the point where I am just thankful God spared me what I feel right now forever and when I go home to be with the Lord it will end and I will have no more tears. For me its like God is allowing me to know what its like in hell and I have a burden for the lost that will go thru this and worse forever without end. I shudder when I think about that.
I have thot the same thing about identifying with what hell may be like.
A God that doesn’t save you from the pits of darkness, is not aGod worthy of worship. It isn’t a comfort to have a delusion of an incompetent pseudo-savior beside you in pain. What an irritating, patronizing and condescending article. Here’s a hint, honey, they have a name for hearing voices these days, it’s called schizophrenia.
See the thing is that people have been lied to and told God is omnipotent when in fact this has never been laid out for us as a fact, not through the Old Testament and not throughChrist. All we know is God is our creator and therefore superior. That doesn’t mean he is in control of everything, he’s just “all-paedful” in comparison to our impotence. Maybe it isn’t that God doesn’t want to save us, but that he can’t. But if he can’t, he tales a serious demotion in terms of rank. So which is it?
I personally believe depression has a different definition of being removed from God’s sight. He isn’t by us here, he has forgotten about us. We were either banished or we removed ourselves, but while we are here, he doesn’t care. Because if he did, we know from the Bible that he’d effing DO SOMETHING.
I suppose you will find out the truth when you step into eternity which is going to be far longer that the short life we have here. In the bigger picture this life is just a flash.
I’m not excepting that the darkness will always be here. Jesus is able to restore and deliver , if I believe anything other than that , I might as well stop believing in the Bible all together
absolutely! HE is our Healer, HE walks us through the floods and the fire proving He keeps His word and we are changed thru our walk with Him, I have to constantly remind myself, sometimes minute by minute, or hour by hour, I walk by faith NOT feelings.
i would love christian friendships.
Don’t get me wrong – I am glad that you found some comfort in “God being there for you in spirit” – but how comforting is that to a soon to be homeless person, for example? A person that has had faith for years that there will be a turn around – and turned to Jesus in complete trust? I believed what Jesus said. Now lets look at the so called blessed people of the bible…
Mary was told she was blessed for being chosen to conceive Jesus. She then witnessed family members and others call Jesus crazy, mocking him. As if that wasn’t enough she then had the blessed pleasure of being witness to his torture, beatings, nailed to a cross and then his death. Good times hey?
Moses: did God’s bidding for 40 years – but he never got to set foot in the promised land.
Job: another faithful servant who went thru horrific events in his life all the while showing “faith” – and God didn’t even have the decency to tell him why.
And then there is my beloved Jesus who I have loved since I was a little kid – God’s very own son, another faithful servant of this God, who near his end pleaded that the “cup” may pass from his lips. And what did this supposedly loving God do? We all know the answer to that one. Not surprising Jesus asked why god had forsaken him. Jesus realized too late that this is god’s MO.
If this is what is meant to be blessed by this God, he can keep it. The bible is full of contradictions, and especially when you read it compared to what Jesus said and taught.
Hello, I just came across this site called beautiful between as a result of asking a question on Google. The question that I asked was something like, ” Why after knowing the Lord for so long and hearing His Voice clearly, do I not sense His guidance, presence or anything anymore and this has been the case for over the past 10 years?” To go back a bit, first of all, I am not suffering from depression, as far as I know, and I have had a beautiful relationship with Christ and the Holy Spirit since March 24 1977. I have heard His Voice in many ways, that still small Voice, in, what I call “impressions ” words and scenarios that He stamps on my spirit that seem like He downloaded it all to me and in seconds I hear and understand what he is saying but would take me maybe at least a half an hour to explain, if that makes any sense. I also, 1 time, in an elevator at a hospital in Bay Shore Long Island, heard His audible Voice and it sounded like a roaring waterfall rising up from the center of my being. He said something really short and I never heard that Voice again. Back around those months and years, especially in the middle 80’s, He gave me visions, dreams and I guess I figured that this relationship with Him was a “normal ” everyday occurrence. So when, life went on, many changes, the death of my husband of 35 years and other life events occurred and then remarriage, one day it seemed so clear to me that I had not heard Him in quite a long time. I totally remember the very last time I heard Him say anything was as a result of me repenting because I had realized that my prayer life was dwindling, especially since remarrying and that to a man who, it turned out, wasn’t a believer. The last words I heard from Him were, “Redeem the time because the days are evil ” I had been wasting time playing games on my computer, innocent games but time wasters for sure so I believed that was the problem and I did repent and stopped altogether the games since cutting back wouldn’t probably work. OK, so when still not sensing His Presence at all in any way after that and I asked a close Christian friend for their advice, I was told that it was not unusual for the Lord to seem to back away from us and become silent or seemingly gone on vacation in our lives as He does test us and our faith. I thought that was probably the reason because I didn’t see any deliberate wilful sin in my life as far as I knew. The real problem came for me when the weeks turned to months and then the months to years. I realized that it wasn’t just His Voice that I wasn’t hearing, it was any interaction with me or Guidance or even conviction of sin. I had plenty of what I realized later was considered condemnation but not conviction and I was slowly blurring the lines between the two. Fast forward to today, I have been praying and praying and crying out to Him especially for the past year or so. I read in your blog message where you were so happy and relieved when you heard Him tell you that the darkness may stay but he would be with you in the darkness. I remember praying recently more or less something similar. I prayed one day that even if I had to go through the silence and the physical and emotional pain that I have on a daily basis, I would be so very grateful and happy just to hear Him just to speak to me in some way ❤ I can’t help but think now that even though there is His promise to never leave me or forsake me, there must be something that we could do to make Him turn His back on me. And if this is true, I ask Him over and over again to please show me what it is. It’s a catch 22 situation it seems. Live and walk by faith, and that is what I want to do, but then the thought comes,,but if His silence is due to something, some sin or attitude or something like that, then until I get it right, I will just continue to be this way and it is torment. I am 75 years old now, as of yesterday and I am not a well person. I am afraid that I might die before I make things right and restore my joy, the joy of my salvation. I pray that prayer of David’s all the time. I am so glad to read that God finally gave you the blessing of allowing you to know what He told you, but I must admit that when I read that, I cried and cried. Not that I am not happy for you, but because I know what you must have been going through and He answered your prayers so beautifully and in the exact way that I have asked Him to do for me. I am praying now for some kind of hope and insight into this 🙏 thanks for reading this if you have gotten this far, 😊, Carol
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve struggled all my life with anxiety living with an alcoholic who suffers with drug addiction. A few years ago, the midst of 3 decades of poring myself out to my family, friends and church, I entered a darkness I cannot explain and became physically and mentally ill and had to quit life leaving all my ministries and jobs. I was overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts for several months that worsened each day as I realized after the first month that no one at all – no family member or friend or pastor – no was going to come to pray with me or ask how they could help me….I was completely alone and forgotten. Like I never existed .
While God has helped me to forgive, I never been able to recover from the trauma of realizing I literally don’t matter. I truly thought I was doing His will teaching the gospel to hundreds of kids and young adults serving in many capacities praying for and ministering to others, home educating my kids thru high school while helping my husband build his now very successful business. But I was wrong. I did everything wrong and nothing I did mattered as is evidenced by the fact that when I was at my lowest nothing changed for anyone but me.
Everything just keeps going on as if I’d never been part of life. The good news is my kids are grown and happily married and completely independent. My husband business is doing better than ever without my involvement. And my church is still strong and effective.
No one seems to really cares that I’m out of the picture. I’m completely alone and have come face to face with the stark realization that Im invisible and unnecessary to everyone in my life. I could disappear right now and no one would notice.
Reading this helped me to realize it’s ok that God is never going to use me in ministry again and I’m never going to be ‘well’. I will always have Jesus with me in my perpetual darkness. I needed to hear someone else say this. Thank you.
I wrote this long reply but wont post it because its too complicated and my beliefs are different to yours. But I did want to say is that I sympathize and empathize with what you wrote. You will get well and out of that darkness when you start becoming aware of your true nature – and that is your spirit self. You said: “I’m completely alone and have come face to face with the stark realization that Im invisible and unnecessary to everyone in my life”. Have you realized how necessary you are to yourself? Are you visible to yourself? Do you treat YOURSELF as you would treat others? Even Jesus had to be “selfish” at times and retreated to a mountain.
As humans we become so obsessed with our human lives that we forget that our foremost selves are spiritual selves. That is why it is impossible to be “alone” – however yes, if we aren’t aware of who we really are and don’t have some sort of connection then I get the “lost” part. I have been there – and still fall into it before even realizing that I have. It’s a hard road, especially when life keeps throwing crap your way.
In hard times try to become aware of your own spiritual self – or Jesus. Maybe it is better said this way: try to become aware of Jesus’ peace that he said he left us with. And I don’t mean that as a thought – but try to FEEL it.
I hope this helps you, or someone else, in some way. But remember, it is impossible to be alone because your spirit is always with you – it is part of you – it is the part of you that lives on. But be aware of that, or this is all just balony. FEEL that peace.
Your reply is incredibly insightful and eloquent. Thank you!
I have same situation, I keep judging myself and doubting myself after following Jesus. whenever i read bible, i never stop self condemnation. even though i didn’t do anything yet. even though I tried to love people and animals.
I keep asking myself, do i love others as i love myself? do i being nice enough? did i say hello to neibouer nicely? even i did treat them nicely, i feel i am so hypocrites
What is earthly thing? what things i can’t eat, i can’t do bla bla…there are so many details
I keep examing myself, i feel im in prision. i don’t feel freedom as it is described in bible.
I only feel free when i am 100% with lord. when i don’t focus on my body, let my spirit with him.
One hand, i want to be holy, i want to love father. another hand, i feel i am so far away, i feel im not confirmed by him
It doesn’t matter how much knowledge i have about Jesus, about his love and forgiveness, my brain just doesn’t work that way,,, it automatically examine what i did…
I feel so depressed, one day happy, one day down.
I am living alone all by myself for years too. without social connection.
I found my savior, however i am still suffering, i don’t even know who i am, and how to love myself..
Well.. most importantly, sometimes i feel i want to cry i feel i lost faith, and i am afraid to cry, cause god says walk in faith. though i cried a lot when i can’t control my feelings, however i don’t feel relax, i blame myself for cring for being childish.
Really hard to follow…. But he is my savior. I gotta believe in him. he has done great things for me.
I just want to follow him in a better way.
Thanks for sharing. May all of us free indeed!
Truth:life stinks, God is not a genie, nobody on this planet will care enough about you to make life worth living. Pray if you feel the need to. Pray once with faith if you choose or pester God daily with the same prayer. It doesn’t matter. When you are done you may or may not get the help you need or want. If you need or want something, work for it. Complain, cry, curse, feel self pity or self hatred, but again it does not matter. Work for your own peace and happiness even though you may never find either (which is contrary to the prosperity gospel.)
To sum it all up there are only two options. You live or you die.
The only thing I got out of this is that I’m going to suffer in darkness for the rest of my life, and that God, even though He’s right there with me and has the ability to heal me, won’t heal me, because He wants me to suffer and be disabled. Awesome. So there’s no hope that the depression will ever go away and I’ll be whole and healed? I just have to accept this pain and darkness in my life and somehow be okay with it? There’s no light without darkness, and it’s okay to be in the dark, but it’s NOT okay to stay there. It looks like God wants me to be in this state for the rest of my life, even though it’s not okay, and He’ll let the darkness go on forever, forcing me to accept and be okay with it, even though it hurts and everyone else around me seems to be happy. He wants me to be sick and disabled, and He won’t heal me, and He wants me to thank and praise him through all of it. What a cruel and unjust God.
All I am going to say is this: what you read is utter bullshit. If God did want people to suffer – especially Christians since they are always talking about Jesus – then why did Jesus not tell the people that its “rightous to suffer” and that it is “God’s will”? why did he help people instead? This is what happens when you mix Judaism and this thing called Christianity – the supposed following of Jesus. Don’t blame God, blame the idiotic (Christian) religion. Jesus warned us about the “Churches that will be built in my name” and how they will keep you stuck in their dogma, worshiping a dead man instead of the “Living God”. I hope you find your way and your misery ends.
Thank you. I’ve had some trouble with Christianity … an idea in the religion is that we are created to become like Christ, which led me to think that I had to put myself in situations of suffering and pain like Jesus did to become like Him. 🙁 Now I think that our purpose in relation to Jesus is to follow His teachings and worship Him, not become like Him. We’re only human. However I don’t think everything in Christianity is bad. It doesn’t teach that God wants us to suffer, not that I’m aware of. The article never said that either. I exaggerated and only said that God wants us to suffer to make the article look bad since I was upset at a message it gave. I’ve received encouraging messages of hope from Christianity, especially in regards to suffering. I’ve read for instance that our pain serves a purpose, and that we grow through suffering. That gives me hope that maybe through this difficult time, I can become a better and more compassionate person and learn life lessons that serve me well in the future. Christianity helps me to keep a positive attitude – and what I’ve just written is not exemplary of the attitude that I should be having in life at all, so I apologize for it. But, I’m glad that I wrote it because it led you to respond, and without your response I wouldn’t have written this and reflected. Even if I made a mistake, I learned from it. I’ll be more careful about what I say from now on. I was mostly upset about how the article said that the darkness was permanent, that things won’t get better, and we have to somehow be okay with that by just resting in the fact that God is with us. This article spreads a disheartening message for people who are in pain and want things to improve. Plus, if God was with us He would help, not do nothing and just watch us suffer. I don’t think that the darkness is forever, that we’re trapped in it for the rest of our lives. There’s a way out. There are stories of people who’ve recovered from depression. I don’t think that God exactly wants me to suffer, but maybe He does allow my suffering, so that I can change and grow. I’m sure that God helps me through hard times. I’ve gotten through them as if guided and assisted by a divine presence, which wouldn’t happen if God wanted me to suffer. And through hard times, I’ve picked up on qualities like compassion and humility. I’ve gotten better with anger too. I still have a long way to go in my character development. The darkness isn’t permanent like this article says. It will go away. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I think the idea that we’ll gain something and grow from difficult times, which is hopefully true, makes me okay and more open to suffering. God wouldn’t put me through this if I couldn’t handle it, right?
Ignore the comment above x
Well said
Sorry ignore my last comment I wasn’t happy
Its alright to be angry , depressed , sad , frustrated , alone etc. Why wouldn’t you feel this way . It would be abnormal if you didn’t . just don’t let those emotions consume you . You can create moments to enjoy . Life is not fair and God is not here to make everyones life smooth and pain free. I know that my interuptation of God causes me more suffering than if I would just stop expecting and try better to accept . Like it or not , for most of us , we feel like we are alone , especially when we are in pain and suffering because for all practical purposes we are ….faith is faith ….and loneliness is loneliness…pain is pain …It is what it is . Life is hard .God is not going to speak to most audibly .One can say that he is here ….Great …another can say that being here is changing a thing ….and more often than not it isn’t . God does care but not in a practical sense for most of us because practical is what we are …humans in a world gone wrong on many levels ….So try to walk in LOVE as best as you can .Ask God to fill you with his Spirit . this will look better on some days !!!!Enjoy what you can and be grateful for whatever you can be grateful for . Try to bring a change ..a light of Love to just one person and I gaurantee that in doing so your burden will be a little lighter !!!!!
Most people get into a marriage with high and full spirits. They know full well what they are getting into and accept this with an open heart. While you may say that there is a lot of hype in marriages especially on the days leading up to the wedding day, it can get a bit frustrating to have a misunderstanding in your relationship. I have been through hell with my husband for a very long time. With the help of the great spell caster, I was able to resolve my marriage issue and now I finally find happiness in my marriage. For anyone going through any kind of relationship issue or you like to get back with your ex, I will suggest getting in touch with the best relationship advice specialist that will bring happiness back into your home. You can get in touch with The Great Dr.Jumba relationship and affair advisor on drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com
Amanda J .
From Austin Texas
Dear Souls,
This is simply a divine post of sublime wisdom, for only they who have walked this path, truly know that they know, which does no for one moment take the pain away but it is good to know that we know, for in the knowing all is so. Be well always and love ❤️
People don’t realize that depression can be the opposite of self absorption. And that feeling of joy for what God has done for me is considered selfish in my mind. My heart breaks over and over again for the entirety of brokenness in the world near and far and I can’t unfeel that.
Trust in Jesus. I am
Waiting on The Lord to get me out of a mess I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. So many questions but I will trust and wait on Him.
I used to be like you, but now I am pretty sure that there is no God. We as humans just need to have faith and hope for something in our lives because we have lack of meaning. My life used to be good, but now it sucks and it won’t get any better due to the pains of growing up – plain and simple. After I die, I’ll be no more, so I might as well try to have the most meaningful life for the rest of my existence. I have often cursed God, saying that he should kill himself for being the complete psychopath that he is, but I realized that this is worse for my health, and that I’m being delusional. In fact, I was going to write that because I’m experiencing insomnia right now, but I’m stopping myself. Acknowledging that God might not exist has helped my mental health immensely. Mistakingly thinking that God could help me before, I avoided getting help, but now I’m starting to go to therapy and actually healing. I’m proud of myself for saying that he doesn’t exist.
There is one thing I would like to know do church families and church people ever cause stress on someone intentionally and maliciously just to get that person to believe and/or go to church? I heard stories about this very thing going on and if so how does the church explain this? I feel like that’s not a very ethical or moral thing to do to another person. I could be wrong who knows it’s only an opinion. I would appreciate feedback on this matter as it has me perplexed.
my spirit what was sacred to me was violated via a psychopath who has zero respect for life. And than after that I realized my life has always been disrespected and violated I tried to be happy I tried to say I’m ok I’m not and I never will be. I recently don’t even care to bother anymore at all I’m done caring. Why does god allow rape murder harassment, my life I was Gods garbage, yet a criminal and jerks who disrespect others life oh poor them and they get societies blessing being a sinner and all.it makes me sick. I’m angry at God .God sacrifices people
I’m a sexual assault survivor I went with someone I trusted and ended up dead waking up in the hospital and told I was assaulted and more anyways if that isn’t enough I was than blamed for it because I am cute and smiley person and no one should be thAt. I had some brain damage no one cared about me it was all about the perpetrators and poor them, I’m so depressed I can see no justice and a lifetime of harassment from them in hiding giving me the bird with their mob action. Justice is a joke. I don’t know how to feel better. I feel like god used me as trash. To say I’m upset with God and disgusted with society is a understatement. I no longer care about others I tried I tried being positive it just made me very very sick inside and criminals don’t deserve it. Please pray God helps me I would like nothing more. Im very upset and I don’t see the good I don’t see it. I don’t even like life or people I just go thru the motions
What has not been understood yet in general is that God wills that also other beings have His peace and joy. To accomplish that He imagines being those other beings, in our case humans. Knowing beforehand that it will be a spiritual torture for Him, as symbolized by the crucifixion.
For there to be other beings that do not exist yet they have to be different than what already exists. That means different than God Who is limitless because His love is. Yet for God to experience being other than He is -like being human- is hell. For even in our human appearance He subconsciously remembers Who and How He is as God, but consciously experiences being but an imperfect human. When addressed as “Good teacher” He replies “Why do you call me good? No one is good except one; God.”
Subconsciously He cries out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” while being God, but not remembering that, He missing being His infinitely good Self and How He really is.
That is taking place in each one of us. It is as if being overcome by a being or beings that rape you, and thus it has been manifested in this world in human form.
St. Peter of Alcantara wrote about it like this, referring to our true Self as “One”, “the Lord” and “divine Highness”:
What more awful thing than to see the Son of God take on the image, not only of a sinner, but even of a condemned human?
Think, then, to what depths now that divine Highness has descended for you, for He arrived at the last of all evils, which is to be handed over into the power of the demons. And because the pain that your sins deserve is exactly this, He willed to submit Himself to this pain so you would be free from it.
Who ever heard of such manner of charity that One suffers death to free from death the very one that inflicts it?
Do not consider these things as done and past many years since, but imagine with yourself, that at this present time they are acting before your face, not as another man’s sorrows, but as your own afflictions: set yourself in his place, and conjecture what torments you should suffer, if your head were bored to the skull, and your brain-pan pierced with sharp thorns? But what do I say, thorns? when you can scarce endure the prick of a small needle. How great, then, was the pain his tender head suffered, with this new and unheard-of torment?
~Alcantara, St. Peter. Treatise on Prayer and Meditation.
That refers to the pain our divine Self suffers by experiencing being each one of us, as if each limited human self-consciousness were a thorn stinging in the collective spiritual “head” of God.
Note that the following is written in the present tense, and Who it is that is experiencing the lack of divine happiness. undergoing the spiritual poverty of being but a human:
“What He was, He laid aside; what He was not, He assumed.
He takes upon Himself the poverty of my flesh so that I may receive the riches of His divinity.”
~St. Gregory of Nazianzus
Thus God willed for us that also we would know and come to enjoy that the love of Who we really are is infinitely courageous and altruistic. Because when God begins to remember these things in us as us, He but recuperates what He gave up by experiencing being but us humans.
If a loving human father already wills for his children that all of them be at least as happy as he is, not less happy, shall God our Father Who is infinitely great Love not will that for us His spiritual Children?
Out of love for us God is undergoing being each one of us, including all our forms of suffering. Until He comes to His Life and Self also in us, symbolized as the resurrection, which is God’s coming back to Life in us, entirely to our benefit as the eternal divine living inheritance God willed for us we have God Himself.
Much divine Love to you indeed.
With the intended colon now:
“entirely to our benefit as the eternal divine living inheritance God willed for us we have God: Himself.”
Every time we open our eyes, experiencing being only human creatures again, and believing we are that, we have given our divine Life for the soul of that human once more. God has incarnated again, taking on an appearance which seems to justify all kinds of accusations and feelings of guilt, based on the appearance of the sinful flesh.
And God’s Self-recognition in us is seen as blasphemous: “That you a man make yourself God!”
Yet all that God in Whom we move -do everything- and have our Being was beforehand willing to undergo.
Our human being is not God’s being, because God is our Being.
Thank God, that is the Truth that sets us free from all we seemed to be and do as humans, and which made us suffer endless self-accusations, accusations of others, and our accusing others. Seemingly completely justified, because of the so realistic appearances. A nightmare. The frightening dream of the first Adam, Son of God. Until God awakens from it to Himself, the second Adam.
“Wine” is a parable for the spiritual enjoyment of the Godhead:
“Then the Lord awoke as from sleep, Like a mighty man who shouts because of wine.”
~Psalm 78:65 (NKJV)
Still reading this in 2023. So needed to read this. Praise God
Also praying for everyone here who needs prayer! 🙏🏽💕
Hello again,
I’d like to apologize for some of my previous comments. Some of my comments contain what may be seen as biblical truth. I was just spouting truths that I had no basis to comment on as I struggle with accepting them as true. I have no experience with God. I gave myself to God through Jesus over 43 years ago. In that time, God has never been involved in my life. Without experience, I have no grounds to say/write anything encouraging. So, sorry for my advice. It is meaningless. I am meaningless, so don’t put any stock on my encouragement.
God bless you through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ holy name, Amen.
Not to be a Debbie downer but, f—- all this religious bs, and give me my money.
Not to be a Debbie downer but, f—- all this religious bs, give me my money, give me my seeds, stop outlawing Gods plants, and stop ranting about the Bible. It’s a bad look. —— joy too. I’m in pain.
You look at a world with this much wickedness and you dissolve into a state where you don’t fight evil, and then act like you’re right for that… Jesus never taught that; it’s a cop out and a defense mechanism because any decent human being would be going to war with the Shit they do to us. A good person of today wouldn’t be filled with joy, they’d be ready to fight for human rights and against greed in the WAR that’s going on, not all up on social media talking like a cult leader.